Dan is talking to this football player kind of the way he talks to Bob in Niles and Mike in Milwaukee.

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I thought the same thing on last week's call.

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You know me like that.

In re update fuckups: "solar homo" FTW

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The Bulls haven't done anything wrong, and they're not going to do anything wrong.

Has he asked about his BODY?

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The Bulls haven't done anything wrong, and they're not going to do anything wrong.

man, the boys are tripping over themselves just dying to burst out in laughter at anything that LARGE. BLACK. STUD. says when he provides the verbal WANGWHIPPING.

at one point martellus even asked them (terry methinks) what they're laughing at. when dan was trying to talk about a mare and martellus said "huh? mayor?" i thought dan's heart was going to explode as he was all HAHAHAHAHAHHA OMFG U SAID MAYOR HAHAHAHAHAHHAH and martellus caught on to the bit and had to expound on the concept of a unicorn mating with a mayor.

so yeah, it still seems kind of forced.... especially on the hosts' end, cuz since this goes up against the professionally-graphicked "jay cutler show" they don't want people to turn over en masse so they gotta bill martellus as the greatest thing ever like HAHAHHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD NO HE DIIIINT JUST SAY THAT HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

seriously, just give this "show" a laugh track and we'll be all set. it'd be so postmodern and oddly sardonic that dan could proudly tell all of his (and his wife's?) wine and cheese friends about teh highbrow entertainment going on over @ der schnorr.

anyways, i gotta go rub one out and have a cigarette to tone down the levels of excitement over here from the first segment... i mean comeon guys HE ASKED IF A UNICORN HAD SEX WITH A **MAYOR** HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA good lord.... this is so delightfully tacky, yet refined. it's brilliant. i've completely forgotten that jay cutler is on another station right now!

meanwhile, somewhere outside of martellus' house adam hoge is lurking in the bushes jotting down martellus' life patterns in his notebook to best prepare the assassin he's hired to get his rightful 5pm monday gig back! #LONGLIVETHEHOGE

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Wow. I just...I....eeeee...

I'm talking like Terry Boers now.

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You know me like that.

I don't know who I feel the worst for in this production.

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Me.

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You know me like that.

I guess he is kind of funny but this is gonna get old fast.

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Elections have consequences.

"White people must give the best quotes because they're in all the books. They put black people on TV because they give the funniest quotes. That's America for you."

meta as fuck

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I love this show.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

this second segment is weird. martellus has turned into a dadaist poet laureate on us! transcendental radio over here on der schnorr!

WINE AND CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!

also, nice catch CH.... rack 'em!

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going to get old??? already there.

wow, i dropped the hooters slogan ("delightfully tacky, yet un/refined") in my big long post, and low and behold dan is talking about hooters with martellus!!!!!!!!!!! dan reads the board!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

"i think hooters might be referring to something else here"

damn straight. this is no conspiracy theory, clearly my sagelike words are being spoken about in code over the airwaves because "when sinicalypse posts the world listens!" (TM)

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Wow this had gotten bad fast!

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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. - Bill Hicks

Let's do it for Johnny!

MB is racist.... but its OK

But will it be OK when his homophobic comment slips out by week 7?

Hey! Why do 'dey keep sayin' John Milner was a white guy?

What's wit' all 'dis poetry crap?!??!

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You know me like that.

Talking about Paradise Lost isn't really that heavy. I had to read part of it for AP English. No, silly Martellus, not rain, reign!

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God, even Adam Hoge gets the Mighty Voice? And, as always, it just consists of

ADAM HOGE!

Hi, I'm Adam Hoge.

ADAM HOGE!

We should talk to Adam Hoge.

ADAM HOGE!

Our own Adam Hog...

ADAM HOGE!

ADAM HOGE!

ON THE SCORE!

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comeon man, he was a HUGE FA signing for the station.... he was languishing somewhere, freelance writing articles just like the ones he read in teh newspaper whilst growing up.... but for websites. and a lot cheaper. and now that he's here all they gotta do is just keep pointing out what a big deal he is and PRESTO! next thing you know he'll be a bonafide expert like goff with the bulls or drinkball with the cubs..... except that since this is ADAM FUCKING HOGE aka BIG BOY WEBSITE WRITING (*waves at 10 foot midget *) he's an expert of everything..... he's more of a resident expert than the daily shown's very own resident expert, john hodgman.

but yeah, it's hard to not be "high on the hoge" when you get your record-breaking SECOND bears report of the day. i don't remember a word he said, but i'm sure it was great!

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I liked it better as The Carl Everett Show.

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Ricketts fired Jim Hendry and let him continue with his job as general manager for months. So, yes, we do need this clarification when it comes to the Cubs.

The Martellus Bennett show is awesome and anyone who thinks otherwise takes sports radio way too seriously.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

I listened. They talked to him and humored him like he was a 5 year old. It felt more like they were laughing at him, kinda like Curious said. It came across like, "Awwww....listen to our funny little black football player! Isn't he so cute with his quirky statements?"

It was uncomfortable so I switched over just in time to hear Waddle being a jerk to Cutler, leading to moments of awkward silence. Also uncomfortable.

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Kid Cairo's Boers & Bernstein YouTube Channel

Kid Cairo: 2013 March Madness Tournament Winner!

"Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!"

That is what he is going for though. I think everyone understands that the whole thing is just kind of a big joke of saying dumb things.

As the season goes on, I predict they'll talk a little more football and save some of the goofy stuff but I still thought it was pretty funny.

It's a million times better than the Zach Zaidman apologist half hour.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

"Hey guys, now that Lovie Smith is gone the Bears no longer use the quarter system in assessing their season. Trestman employs a game by game assessment. Actually, he views the season snap by snap!"

I couldn't believe he thought this was worth reporting.

He also has the Super Bowl parade mapped out too!

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

BREAKING: Trestman has stated that he would actually say "help" instead of "hep" this year. (via the ginger twat)

I don't think you take it seriously enough.

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You know me like that.

Once the blue meth wears off I'd go with your computer was hacked by Quad City Schmutzie Boy.

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Kenny Williams fell for the banana in the tailpipe