How dare Noah insult the fans with advanced degrees?

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We all have private ails. The troublemakers are they who need public cures for their private ails.- Eric Hoffer

"This populist pandering is WRONG and UNFAIR." -Dan Bernstein, maybe also Herbert Hoover

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That's some A+ shit stirrin' right there.

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I would write it off as mere Dave Baum make-half-angry trolling, but he sounded convincingly hurt that somewhere at a Bulls game, a Melman is being wronged.

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After Bernstein's tirade they transitioned to "Why don't people know how the NBA works?!?!?!"

Very funny stuff but I think I'm done for the day.

hopefully his tears won't ruin the leather upholstery in the BMW on the ride home

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

Also, it needs to be mentioned that Dan seems upset that Noah is trying too hard. That's like the most anti-meatball thing I've seen in a long time. He wishes Noah would go through the motions collecting checks so they can draft someone to replace him.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

Dan almost had a moment of clarity in that whole segment where he said that the great thing about sports is that it's a socioeconomic equalizer, that we're all just fans in the stands. There was truth to that at one time, but I don't think there is now, not where you have three consecutive floors of luxury boxes at the Staples Center, not where the experience you get as a fan in the stands is wildly different depending on where you sit not in terms of sightlines but how you're treated as a guest, not when these buildings are partitioned in such a way as to keep the moneyed ticketholders from even having to mix with the riffraff. You could even argue that the fan experience at home is different when one person can afford a home theater from the Little Guys and one is watching games on a laptop.

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The blue collar guy spends a greater percentage of his income on being a fan than does the hedge fund manager. Monetize it.

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We all have private ails. The troublemakers are they who need public cures for their private ails.- Eric Hoffer

Now Dan -- with help from Amir, Neurotic Lawyer, Marlon Brando's Helper Monkey, aaaaaand Bill on Capitol Hill -- is calling Noah a class traitor.

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I post for the lurkers

Setting: Dr. Ken's Stretch Humvee Kitchen
Time: Now


Dr. Ken: Hello children, I'm your father, Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. Perhaps you got my Christmas Card.

Children: Was it one of those corporate ones because you told us those were bullshit.

Dr. Ken: I don't know that I was quite so harsh or used that kind of language....

Children: What do you want?

Dr. Ken: Can't a father just check in and see what his kids are up to?

Children: Our lawyer told us you were allowed to in the state of Illinois. We're going to the Bulls game.

Dr. Ken: ...oooohhhh....

Children: What?

Dr. Ken: Where are you sitting?

Children: What difference does it make?

Dr. Ken: Well, Dan Bernstein...

Children: COME ON!

Dr. Ken: ....he thinks, depending on where you sit, the players might not be respecting your knowledge of the game.

Children: We're sitting in the first row, dipshit, they're your tickets.

Dr. Ken: Really? What's up the with the language?

Children: Whatever, are we done? That thing that starts it where they throw it up and hit it around is going to happen soon.

Dr. Ken: The tipoff? See, that's the kind of thing...

Children: Hurry up. We need to pick up our dimepieces for the game.

Dr. Ken: You guys are 12!

Children: We found a service that doesn't card.

Dr. Ken: What do you mean a service?

Children: We really need to go. Dr. Ken, we promise to pay attention and cheer for all the completed passes and everything.

Dr. Ken: I really don't think I'm getting my point across...Just be respectful of the mailmen and garbagemen that are there. Dan thinks there's probably a couple of them that are as smart as you.

Children: No problem. We always throw a 50 on the ground next to our empty nacho trays for the garbagemen. Why are there mailmen there?

Dr. Ken: Enjoy the game.

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You know me like that.

Are any of the Beerstain parrots actually wealthy? We know 10 FT is a teacher/pizza deliveryman so that rules him out. I think Maddux Boy is a teacher too. You can make a living but you're not swimming in Beerstain-type money. His parrots just strike me as educated windbags in love with their own prose, not movers and shakers. I sense a disconnect with them rallying to the cause of the monied.

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Back off, Warchild. Seriously.

I still half believe these are all pseudonyms for Dan.

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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. - Bill Hicks

Let's do it for Johnny!

Movers and Shakers dont listen to midday radio, and on the off chance that they do, they arent gonna sit there and listen to BeerStain talk down to them

What Dan fails to realize if 14 teams are actively trying to lose, 12/13 of them are going to continue to suck.

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Bernsie's old lady mixes with all the movers and shakers.

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Elections have consequences.

"If you do not believe in tanking the NBA is not your sport. Find something else to watch."

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Nice.

Side note: Chris Christie took the stage right as I started reading and the applause served as applause for your opening line a la the first shot of a loved SNL character

There's no other way to be good!!

Unless you are the Heat and piece together through a trade and free agency to win titles.

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I remember when the Celtics tanked so they could draft Garnett and Ray Allen


Actually when they TRULY tanked, they were going for Duncan and ended up with Ron Mercer.


I guess it was worth the risk

Yes, of course. Out of that batch, I'd guess a couple are actual pandering fanboys. Outside of that, I'd say Rudy is his number one mult. Today he actually said something like "and our guy, he just goes by Rudy, sent this along about Clark The Cub...."

I have never heard anyone get so much pleasure out of being a screaming, condescending asshat. Nice job, Dan.

They cut my beer off in the seventh inning. The guy in the suite can throw back Scotch or Bourbon until the last fucking pitch.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

I think Unemployed Lawyer and Neurotic Lawyer have both called in. We have spurious proof that Bill on Capitol Hill is a separate person. I'm still not convinced on Rudy.

Also, is Amir the same guy as Jalen From Rosemont? I can't tell because honestly all these motherfuckers write in the same voice even if they aren't the same person.

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They used to have an Asian, but that was just a guy doing a racist bit during who you crappin.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

Ah yes, Bichiro! Along with Mr. Burns, Napoleon Dynamite, and Government Fromage, part of a golden age of WYC character voices.

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Bernstein and Boers attempt to take the fun out of sports. They spend way too much time attempting to tell people how they should behave and not enough about the sports that they are supposed to cover. For me it began with categorizing of players as bad. If you weren't an all star at something then you were automatically considered bad. It was lazy radio. For all of their constant booyah bashing ESPN puts out a better product. At least they attempt to talk sports. The score doesn't get it done anymore. There isn't any new talent same ole bits and segments. The Bernstein screaming routine is also forced and predictable at this stage.

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What if Joakim Noah brought a mailman to Alinea?

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"at this stage?"

The show has been total recycled dog shit for years.

Also, did Rongey just say that Peter Stastny is out for the Avs tonight? He most certainly would be.

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