My daughter asked me to proofread her essay, I wondered what the collective opinions of you cretins would be of her thoughts. Oh yeah, any suggestions for grammar, etc are still welcome.

Winning isn't the Only Thing

The word success is defined as, “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.” The goal of one’s success varies from person to person. One famous coach is quoted saying, “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” I firmly believe this to be false because winning does not measure the amount of effort, teamwork, and sportsmanship a team obtains.

Winning does not track the amount of effort a team or player has put into a sport. Naturally, a player with outstanding talent will beat out a player with lesser talent. Although the player with the lesser talent may put a greater amount of effort into every practice, a more gifted player will play in a game. The score on the board plainly does not determine which team has put more work into improving. Winning more often than not, compares the talent of two teams.

Teamwork is extremely important to the success of a team. It forces players to act unselfishly in order to complete a common goal, such as running an offense correctly. The ability to work with others extends to many situations in life. A surgery, for example, would never be successful if not every single person involved did their part. Not only do the doctors and nurses have to perform the surgery together, but even the janitors and receptionists need to complete their jobs for the surgery to run smoothly. Working well with your fellow teammates towards the same goal, whether it be scoring two baskets or passing the ball to every player, is much more important than winning a game.

In my opinion, a team that loses but has wonderful sportsmanship is superior to a winning team with poor sportsmanship. An amazing attitude on the field translates to a wonderful attitude in real life. If players show respect to their coaches, refs, and fellow players, they will learn to respect all people including teachers, bosses, police officers, and so on. A team’s ability to conduct themselves with respect is not calculated into the final score.
Success is simply not measured in the total times one team is victorious over another. To one player scoring a basket may be the goal they want to accomplish. Winning games does not help anyone achieve any life-long goals. Effort, teamwork, and sportsmanship all teach valuable lessons, thus making them exceedingly more important than winning in my book.

I could not disagree more with the premise and conclusion.

Is there a specific topic she's addressing? (Winning vs. Effort, Teamwork?)


Some of the stuff about teamwork is good. That's it though.

Teacher provided seven topics to choose from, she picked "One famous coach is quoted saying, “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” " to respond to. I had no input on content, only punctuation, grammar, etc.

I was surprised by her opinion, honestly. There is more to the back story, but in the spirit of non-biased responses, I'll save that.

Certificate of Participation!

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

I see.

Well, she stated her belief and supported it with details. So that's good.

Can you get a citation on which coach said it? It was Vince Lombardi, right? It's not critical here, but it just has a "some argue" feel to it. Also, "lifelong" doesn't need to be hyphenated.


Winning isn't the only thing at, say, a park district level.

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True.


This is what I took away as the main idea though


Effort, teamwork, and sportsmanship all teach valuable lessons, thus making them exceedingly more important than winning in my book

already writing at a higher level than chas

not reading...wordy motherfucker!

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

So we can't even reference old posters anymore. Lame.

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K EFFECTIVE'S DAUGHTER !

BREVITY !

Not going to Read all those Words ? Teachers BUSY!!! Can get the same Idea reading TWITTER!

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I don't know for sure, but something in my coconut is telling me that it's generally frowned upon to open with something along the lines of "'x' is defined as ...." .... I may be wrong.

Give her a pat on the head for her comma usage.

Maybe reword the part where she says "A surgery, for example, would never be successful if not every single person involved did their part." ... the "if not" choice is a little clumsy and borders on sounding like Yoda.

The premise itself gives me the anger shits, but her presentation of it isn't dreadful so long as this is, say, 8th grade or younger. I don't want to know her age, so don't get the wrong idea.

Speaking of which, since I'm writing this I would like to err on the side of caution by saying I'm sure she's a good person and I hope she has a wonderful life and wish no ill will upon her.

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

I don't know if teamwork is more important than winning because good teamwork (in certain sports) often leads to winning.

I think if winning isn't the only thing then maybe the focus should go with ethics, playing a good game, fundamentally sound, effort, etc.

Well written, she did a nice job.

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Absent hotness, your daughter's over-reliance on the passive voice condemns her to a lifetime of menial jobs.

Teachers didn't beat the passive voice out of me until sophomore year. Before then, a hard time with it was had by me.

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Check-check-check it out, CH linguistically slumming.

Of course, lab reports call for you to write things like "the flask was emptied" with no subject. When my then-girlfriend was teaching middle school English to Jefferson City hillfolk, I made them worksheets about voice and valence and all the things my middle school teachers never taught me in my shitty school. I hope I made a difference and that when they're smoking meth these days, they tell people that they smoked some meth and not that some meth was smoked.

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Interesting input so far.

To answer a couple of easy ones-the Lombardi quote was provided by the instructor as "some coach", specifically leaving the coach's name out. I obviously recognized it, but after discussing the assignment with her, I saw no reason to add the credit when it had not been provided in the assignment. Actually surprised me, because I am pretty sure the teacher is a cheese head IRL.

Word count was within parameters of the assignment, as I'm sure most of you remember.

Without adding too much personal info (see W-2 at this link), this is my youngest, a Freshman in HS. She just ended her basketball season last week, with a first-year JV coach who probably has ended the playing career of 8 of the 12 girls on the team. It literally took physical bondage to keep ol' K Eff from going all Sprewell on him at at least two different games. (that, and the fact that he was a D-1 lineman).

Four years of HS Latin caused me to develop a writing style steeped in the Ablative voice- I have been able to temper it back to Passive voice, and passed that obsession along to my offspring like my baby blue eyes.

#humblebrag

^sincerely. funny imagery.

Respect cops?

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Back off, Warchild. Seriously.

spotted the lie one sentence in

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.