Dan Bernstein @dan_bernstein · 1m
Sources close to me have said that Lebron James has instructed his web designers to draw an image of Lebron Wang Whipping Pat Riley and Dwayne Wade which will be the background for a written statement saying Lebron is returning to Cleveland. Lebron's wang will be in Cavs colors. THERE IS NO PLAN B for a web design.

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^Sheesh

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This is my signature...

I know that watch costs more than I earn in a year but its pretty fucking ugly.

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

Matt Abbatacola @Mattabbatacola · 1m
Hey everybody. I just heard that Lebron James sprained his ankle, will need surgery and will miss the entire 2014/2015 season. Fuck all of you that don't believe me!!!!! Woooooooooo hoooooooooooo!!!!

Bernstein: Oy.

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This is my signature...

to sum up:

Dan says he's going back to Miami.

Terry says Cleveland.

I say, go Terry.

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Ба́бушка гада́ла, да на́двое сказа́ла—то ли до́ждик, то ли снег, то ли бу́дет, то ли нет.

Twitter is pretty brutal right now, with the LeBron/Melo watch and everyone either tweeting #TargetSale or #VoteRizzo. Make it stop, please.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

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This is my signature...

I"m not on Twitter.

Is that a real tweet?

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Not even close...

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This is my signature...

#ThinkingFan'sShow

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The Bulls haven't done anything wrong, and they're not going to do anything wrong.

Did this to mine last night. Twitter is stupid.

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Elections have consequences.

Dan is right again. Polish women have an expiration date. Around age 40 or three kids, whichever comes first.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

That may be so, but no one turns into a pumpkin like Hispanic women. I don't think they even make it to 40.

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no comment!

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

So yeah, I see why everyone was groaning about Peggy Kusinski. And that was just a transition. And she barely talked.

And is John Feinstein doing his CBS Sports Minute from Mars?

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Jesus Christ, all women have an expiration date around age 40 or three kids, whichever comes first. Skeletal Jewish women reach it around 28-32.

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Soccer 1,2,3
Spanish Honor Society 1,2,3,4
Forensics 1,2,3,4

"Smiles with Nostrils"

"...no Hmong, go find some blacks"

God damn you half-Japanese girls, do it to me every time

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ooo do not agree. Rich Jewish women usually know how to take care of themselves pretty well.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

And it's rare that they're skeletal in the first place. sigh

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Bullshit. Come on Curious Hair.....maybe Mexican? Because Puerto Rican woman still get it done well past 40's...Rosie Perez is still very doable and she's approaching 50.


Hell, if I met Sylvia Perez from Channel 7 on a late night, she better be careful

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It may be mostly a Mexican thing. Their adopted diet here is really terrible. Huge amounts of sugary drinks. I don't think the mercados even sell vegetables other than limes, avocados, and chilis.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

Yeah, I think Mexican is more accurate.

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Oy. We are running in different circles. Natalie Portman has poisoned your mind. This is Helen Thomas at age 30.

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Soccer 1,2,3
Spanish Honor Society 1,2,3,4
Forensics 1,2,3,4

"Smiles with Nostrils"

"...no Hmong, go find some blacks"

Helen Thomas is an Arab. Totes diff!

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Wherein Dan Bernstein's accountant calls the show to say "you did a good job being right. More people should tell you how right you are."

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Laurie Dann (nee Wasserman)? Legendary High School sweetheart.

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Soccer 1,2,3
Spanish Honor Society 1,2,3,4
Forensics 1,2,3,4

"Smiles with Nostrils"

"...no Hmong, go find some blacks"

Well had it been Schmutzie, or Maddux Box, or any other member of the ALS, that would have been too obvious.

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