Hockey Gay wrote:
I've dealt with depression and social anxiety my entire life. It blows. Recently I made the decision that I'm totally done with going to Walmart because I just can't handle being in their lines. I start sweating and my heart starts racing and I feel like I'm going to faint, I just got to get the fuck out of there. I can't do any place with long lines.
People who don't have depression can never relate to it because you're just built differently. It's just a voice in your head that never shuts the fuck up. Whether you're at rock bottom or at top of the world your inner demons always remind you of how worthless you truly are. You can argue with it and tell it to go away all you want and it may leave you alone sometimes, but eventually it'll return. Sometimes taking your own life seems to be the only way you'll ever truly get peace. Suicidal thoughts are just a part of having depression.
Depression has ruined my life to an extent for sure. Every relationship and dating experience I've had has been a total disaster because I go through phases with it. One month I'm good, motivated and socialable and the next month I'm severely depressed and go into isolation by avoiding everyone I know and all social situations. For the most part I don't try hard in life because I don't care enough. My way of thinking is totally outside the box to the norm. I just don't take any issues with society seriously, really. Not taking anything seriously leads to finding humor in just about everything, whether it be a racially insensitive joke, a rape joke, etc etc. This is one reason why people with depression make for good comics.
Now, I'm lucky enough to not have it really bad, believe it or not. I've grown up and matured and dealt with it the best I can. I don't do therapy or any shit and I've seen people with far worse situations. The thing is that many people with depression seem to do nothing but seek sympathy and they get offended when someone doesn't understand their situation. They think the world owes them everything when the world doesn't owe them jack shit. They have a total "woe is me, everyone feel bad for me" attitude. I mean, I guess I can relate a little. Just having one person show they give a shit can lift you up a bit, but that's like putting a band-aid on an amputated knee. I myself decided a while ago that I would try my best to not dwell on anything and attempt to re-train my brain. I'm still fucked in the head, but I'm not THAT bad, at least I think. But I totally understand why people mock and laugh at depression because from the outside looking in it just looks some someone being a pussy or an attention whore.
Depression and sadness get mixed up alot, especially by teens. It's a shame when teens kill themselves because they never gave life a fair shot. Robin Williams on the other hand was 63 years old and had enough. I don't judge him for what he did. His inner demons eventually won the war in his head. He's at peace now.
Wow. I give you a lot of credit for being so candid about your situation & hope that you find serenity & joy.