Pelosi Seeks Change In Law To Fight Cancer



San Francisco, CA

A spokesman for Nancy Pelosi (D- CA, 12th District) confirmed that Representative Pelosi has big plans to change the law... the Law Of Gravity.

Following the recent news published in Popular Science that describes how cancer cells become less aggressive in growth and showing signs of reduced probability of metastasis in states of low to zero gravity, Pelosi has big plans for Newton... Sir Issac Newton that is.

"Since we've made medical breakthroughs in finding ways to curb the scourge of the 21st century, Cancer, during landmark tests confirmed on China's unmanned Shenzou 8 and the United States low gravity program, the parabolic flight campaign, it has come time that we take a good, long, hard look at the laws of gravity and how we can change them to better serve the American Public and the health of the World as a whole. The United States will be the first "Low Gravity" country in the world, and will lead the charge to eliminate cancer from the world" she declared to a thundering ovation in San Francisco on Wednesday.

Pelosi's recommendation is for a gradual phaseout of gravity, with a 20% reduction by 2025 and a 50% reduction by 2035. She hopes that she can convince China, Russia and the EU to follow the lead of the California Representative. California itself has been long known for it's leadership in the fight against cancers and getting the public information on the carcinogens that are present in everyday building materials.

"Not only can we use this law to reduce the aggressiveness of cancer, but we can also put a serious dent in the Obesity Epidemic that plagues our State! We calculate that more than 70% of the overweight public will be at a healthy Body Mass Index by the time the law takes full effect in 2035." Pelosi went on to describe the benefits to the fledgling ACA in terms of the billions of dollars that will be saved annually as the need for cancer treatments and obesity related illness decreases.

"This reduction in gravity comes at very low cost to Americans. Very few residents will notice any appreciable increase in their tax obligations. We know that there will be those that are worried about this as they are very comfortable with their gravity, they're happy with their gravity. We are proud to say that if you like your gravity, we intend to find a way to let you keep your gravity."

Pelosi intends to introduce her full bill to the house Monday.

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Are you trolling PittMike?

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

Nah, just ran across this article in popular science and thought it might be funny to parody. I'm an idiot.
Actually read this Pop Science article a few days ago. Been meaning to find time to write something stupid to make myself laugh but decided to drink beer yesterday instead and had to work a half dozen calls today (sold 4 furnaces! What a day!) so didn't have time til I got home.
That is true though, they are finding that cancer is much less aggressive in low gravity environments. It's weird.

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

I shouldn't have said anything. He definitely would have had a hilarious, drunken response.

_________________
Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

Oh. Does he have a thing for Pelosi or something?
She's a little too botoxy for me. She might have a quivering poontang but I wouldn't feel right putting anything in it.

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

He blames all of our country's problems on Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. He would have gone completely off the deep end on this one. I am such an idiot for saying something.



Would not.

_________________
Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

Well, if you're going to blame someone... Why the hell not?

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Okay, now you are trolling him.

_________________
Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014