you obviously have never had do deal with alcoholism...



thanks, and yes. my grandpa was a heavy drinker. made him mean too. but he stopped at 80... thing was the next 10 years of his life were a real struggle for him and the family. he could barely walk by 87, and by 90 there was nothing left of him. he fought till his last breath though, strongest guy i ever knew.




Dad would NEVER agree to any sort of help. he is financially self sufficient, so he thinks that means he can do whatever the fuck he wants to and doesnt have to listen to anyone. even though he complains that nobody is in his life and he is lonely, he doesnt understand its because of the drinking. i tell him flat out, right to his face "nobody likes you because youre an alcoholic" and usually he just gets pissed and walks out the door. sometimes he will actually say "yeah, i know." but the next day he slams the bottle again.

_________________
the world will always the world. your entire existence is defined by your response.

you're a goof.

_________________
Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

Speaking as a lifelong alcoholic who's run the gamut from functional to life support, true alcoholics do tend to be closeted and mostly ashamed about it. We lash out at others, because in the cups of our addiction we fucking hate our guts, therefore everyone and everything in our lives as well. It's a vicious circle. We hate who we are so we drink. When we're fucked up we forget about the pain. Then we come to, feel like shit, and need to drink again. It truly was like air for me. If I didn't drink I got terrible withdrawals, and went into grand mal seizures. I've known some family of alcoholics who've benefitted from Al-Anon and others who have gotten nothing from it. The truth Ike is your father's disease has also made you sick in a sense. We drag everyone close to us into our hell to the point where most of us have many failed marriages, lost jobs, estranged children, etc. Bottom line Ike is that for your own sanity, you have to take care of yourself. When it comes to your dad, as they say, you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and it's not your fault! Until I wanted to stop, nothing changed. I lost damn near everything. I've done jail time, and been dead twice. It's an insidious fucking beast that can only be dealt with a day at a time by the person who suffers with it. Hope this helps a little Ike. Best wishes.

_________________
I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. - Bill Hicks

Let's do it for Johnny!

thanks man it does help hearing other stories

ive learned from my mom (his first wife that left him because of his drinking 30 years ago) that its nobodys fault but his, and he will constantly try to blame everyone else for problems that arent even real. so that part i dont let bother me.. i know im a normal person (no really, i am, just not on this board).

but it has been something i thought i knew how to deal with, how to manage him.... just ignore the dumb parts and take the good parts for what they are. problem is i have learned the more time you spend with him the worse of a person he thinks you are, so i am going to finish the business i started at my familys summer cabins and then im gone. ill see him every christmas, but thats probably about it. i just cant deal with his fucked up head anymore, i need to stay away from the insanity.

_________________
the world will always the world. your entire existence is defined by your response.

Another thing is alcoholism is a progressive disease. The longer he lives with it, the worse he is going to get. The lashing out, the blaming, the excuses, everything. Over time it always gets worse never better. You've probably watched your relationship with him slowly deteriorate over the years. Unfortunately, unless he stops it's just going to get worse. I don't mean to be blunt, but I want to be straight with you. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

_________________
I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. - Bill Hicks

Let's do it for Johnny!

Ike, I don't know what to say because I don't have any real similar experience, other than having to deal with a bi-polar family member that is very close to me...all I can say is take care of yourself. You seem to be coping as best you can, and whatever happiness you can get for yourself, get it. My best wishes for you.

_________________
Not a mult.

I'll second what MM said, Ike. Wish I could give you some piece of sage advice but I can't. Good luck.

thanks guys. this has been going on for 30 years... yes, it has slowly got worse. up/down/up/down, but overall a slowly dropping curve. im more worried about my bro, he moved away 10 years ago, but now is back. ive been trying to warn him, but he only has a taste of whats going on and its obvious he thinks its not that bad. i really hope he doesnt spend years trying to figure it out because hes a good man and doesnt need this shit.

i gotta stay where im at until i land a solid job, so in the meantime that means i have to keep dealing with dad every weekend... but the moment i can, im out. definitely something to look forward to.

_________________
the world will always the world. your entire existence is defined by your response.

so the drunk was in full force this weekend. i left, i knew i didnt want to be around... but he pissed off my bro and sis, the ones that never see him to a point where they told him off and left the family get to gether... a complete disaster i guess. so much for grandpa's celebration of life party

_________________
the world will always the world. your entire existence is defined by your response.