greetings programs!

after a good solid week of work capped off by a weird al show @ the chicago theatre, on the metra home i ended up seated across the aisle facing this !!!!!!!!!!!!OMFG;ADFJS;DJFASJD russian/eastern-euro buttafaced/angle-dependant chick who was absolutely owning the short black dress thing with miles of legs and cute little matching flats.... it's just that at some angles i swear her nose could be used as a glasscutter in a pinch, but hey nobody's perfect least of which me.

naturally on my average night i'm just accidentally seething the most style on the bus/train/500ft-radius so i always look pretty slick out there, and even tho i've got my mantits keg stomach and thunderthighs i've never literally had a fat ass and i think it's fairly obvious if i did some extreme giving-a-shit there's a sportscar of a body underneath this... the problem is that i was sufficiently pudgy and "no chick i want would ever want this" from my developmental years so when it comes to a situation like this where the 5'10+ legzilla russian/ish broad checking me out the whole train ride (especially every time she thought i had just looked away) i have no idea what the fuck to do in order to be like "hey...." which of course would grow into a possible "hey now" if i was 75lbs less and used to chicks looking at me like "yeah" and i had the confidence to act like the stud that, divine comedy here, i think i kind of technically am when it gets down to the details (clearly the devil gets lonely, you know?)

so yeah the part that really grinded my gears is some short stocky (or maybe workout-buff) latino dude was playing the "what stop am i going to? lake... something?" game aka the IDK WTF IS GOING ON HEY MAYBE WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER FIND THE RIGHT STATION game and as we were in the on/off area of the train approaching my stop, despite a potentially crucial assist from teh conductor (dude knows me, so seeing legzilla up and moving around looking fuckyeah and all that, he's like "have you recorded any new songs lately? mixes? you've got a youtube right so hook me up with something" --- CLUTCH! establishign my value right there and i still diidnt do anything with it cuz when i spoke ol girl started looking over a tme with wonder and shit.

but i have no idea how to go from zero to "hey now" cuz deep in my head/psyche i assume it's gonna be "Ewww it's that creepy big dude trying to get fresh with me" and it's going to be alert the authorities level, and i think that's killed ocuntless chances where i had nibbles of female !!!!heynow!!!! but i didnt do anything about it cuz quite honestly, being a fully functioning human being is new to me and i have no idea what to do. i'm way better at being a manchiild with no responsibilities/cares beyond "do i feel ok today?" so yeah, this is where it bites me in the ass bigitme.

so hey casanovas players and pimps of the CSFMB... if you're in a situation where legzilla is eyeing the fuck out of you and quite possibly correctly thinking about how your stout (euphemisms for $1000, alex!) 6'4" frame and god-given-natural-abilities could do things for her 5'10+ legzilla world and she's looking over atr you cuz evidently you're way nicer to look at for 30mins than a dark window outside, how do you turn that around into "hey whats up girl?" and perhaps get somewhere. cuz it aint even the situation as a whole... its that she had some dumbfuck run the "i'm an idiot traveler so let's help each other find our stops" game into her # and goddammit that shoulda been me. holy fuck man it's like "girl, you know my one proper girlfriend spent $5000 to be around me as much as she could in a 10 month period, right? i'm so worth it" but then again i just assume creep factor 10 and no chick i'd want would want me so i never try and alwasy anguish when shit like this happens.... so what's the best way to go about ensuring this never happens again in the name of "Carpe diem" if not "HUMANITY CONTINUES!!!!" in teh most biblical fashion imaginable?

anyways i know this is too long for a decent % of the fanclub so i better cut out here. any advice from teh resident pimp-players of the board would be much appreciated.

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Did you get laid? Doubt it.

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

speaking of drummers man, when i was dating the girl from long island one of the cab drivers i had take her home from my hotel on the first trip out was like ~24-25 and "in a band" and had "just finished touring europe" and he rode that card to her pants and shit.

you see, the whole relationship was her idea and i was just kind of "yeah whatever" cuz i got what i wanted out of my trip to NYC and long distance shit is lunacy, but hey when a brilliant beautiful 6 foot tall pink mohawked chick 3-4 weeks after turning 18 thinks she wants to spend the rest of her life with you..... welp you ride out that mistake/anomaly as long as you can go.

so like a week after i;m back from the first trip she calls me up crying and sobbing about how nobody deserves her she's so horrible and rah rah rah rah rah. it didnt take much to figure it out, so since my head was screwed on right at that point (anything i "get" = 100% cool, as in i'm not possessive over MY girlfriend and etc) i'm just like "hey heres what you do... find the luckiest schmuck out on long island some night and fuck his brains out. and then when you come home that night if you still wanna call me i'll answer the phone" ---- i was greeted with about 10 consecutive "i love you"s and for about ~5-6 months the radar didnt detect any fucking around on her part. i guess having perspective not caught up in an emotional entanglement can pay off.

anyways i guess she fucked that taxi cab driver a pretty good amount after i left (even in the hotel parking lot at some point.... she tried to rub it in like "Remember when we did that?" i'm like "we didnt do that" and shes like "yeah.... i'm saying wouldnt it be hot?" ha) and then she fucked off from him to be all about me and he was trying to get back towards the end.... so go figure on my last trip out there one day we take a suburban taxi home and guess who our driver is? mr. drummer boy who's IN A BAND that had just got back form touring europe no less.

the whole ride back he's looking me in the rear view mirror and laughing like I FUCKED YA GIRL!!! I FUCKED YOUR GIRLLLLLL!!!! like he's putting one over on me or he's totally trumped me, and then even when we got to her place (surprise surprise he knew where it was) he did that thing like "oh hey staecey wait up a second" when we're getting out of the cab so he could talk to her for a minute with me outside of the cab, cuz you know he had to show me that when i leave HE'S GONNA FUCK MY GIRLFRIEND YES HE IS.

so we broke up after that trip and the day after it happened i looked up that schmuck and e-mailed him like "hey asshat, i remember you looking in the rearview mirror nad laughing at me like I FUCKED YOUR GIRL..... but lemme tell you something, slugger. while you were going to her work and fucking her she was getting paud to fuck you, right? welp she was taking that $$$ she was earning and saving it up til she got ~2 grand so she could then fly out here, get a hotel for ~8-10 days, and insist on paying for my weed and liquor and food and condoms and even hard drugs if i wanted. she was trying to drop out of college and move out here to get a place with me while going to "beauty school".... and keep in mind while this is going on she's got a guy out here in her hometoiwn who she can literally fuck at work without going out of her way, and yet this guy is so-not-fucking-her-right that while she's fucking him she's earning $$$ to save up 90%+ of to get back out to chicago ASAP and shack up with me for 8-10 days at a time..... and takjde a look at my online empire of shit... i dont deserve that chick or any sort of decent girlfriend, let alone a beautiful and brilliant 6 foot tall 34D/DD nympho whose idea of fun is seeing where she can get me to pop a boner so she can go chase me down in a mens room and get me off in public places. yeah look at what i've got going on in life and what i pulled off here and how i'm not offended that i leave her starving for the cock when i leave town so you're the jump off / rebound / STICK SOMETHING IN ME DUDE and despite your access to her vagina, you didnt compel her to give up on me and just roll with you.

so again, who's laughing at who here? you can literally fuck my girlfriend and she'll just think "wow i cant wait to see james to do this right" cuz man, dude, last i checked you're the one begging to hit it in your dopey little e-mails to her and i'm the one who has it flying across half the damn country to come get me. and yet this is somehow condeming me like uhhh some guy can even start nailing her regularly the day when i leave town and he's not good enough to get her to give up spending 2 grand to come out here for 10 proper days? twice? dude if you could fuck her right or she actually really liked you she never woulda came out to chicago in the first place dipshit.... you had her the second after i left town and she still came out to me? who blew it here? and you think she's not gonna be fucking some of your lameass friends when your badn goes back on tour? lol.

DONT GET IT TWISTED DUMBASS.... if anything i should thank you for keeping her going when i wasn't in town cuz holy shit that chick is a fiend for the cock, is she not? thanks buddy and have a nice life!

dude just responded "YOU TWO ARE FUCKING WEIRD AND I'M NEVER GOING TO TALK TO EITHER OF YOU AGAIN" and it's like "lol yeah whatever"

so TLDR = fuck the little drummer boys of the world. go tour europe again or something,

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boy with a topic like "breaking the ice with random chicks.... wat do?" you really were sitting on the edge of your seat trying to figure out if i pulled this one off, eh?

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For the love of God, if you're running a Drummer ad, at least have him holding the sticks correctly.

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CSFMB 2014 Nascar Pick 'em Champion

We don’t have a trillion-dollar debt because we haven’t taxed enough; we have a trillion-dollar debt because we spend too much. — Ronald Reagan

Jazz drumming, man. That's how you hold the drumsticks.

No. For traditional grip the left hand is correct, right hand not so much. IMHO the best rock drummer to play traditional grip is Stewart Copeland.

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An unjust law is no law at all--St. Augustine of Hippo

Cause tried and true
I see the light in you
Oh, can you dig in my soul?
Could you smell my whole...
life?--Gener and Deaner

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I'm going to bounce from the spot for awhile but I will be back at some point to argue with you about this hoops stuff again. Playoffs have been great this season. See ya up the road.

I'm out.

i just put nice clothes on, go to hooters and smile and laugh a lot

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the world will always the world. your entire existence is defined by your response.

Step 1. Talk less than you type.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

No. I have never read a complete post of yours. I would fall asleep.

you just responded to a complete post of his. what do you do absorb with osmosis and reply in your sleep jackass?

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the world will always the world. your entire existence is defined by your response.

Being pretty anxiety-ridden, I find that I gain confidence/lose inhibition if I've been exercising. I don't know whether it's adrenaline or testosterone or just plain exhaustion, but once I've just logged a couple miles, I don't care and will talk to people with about as much confidence as I ever have. Unfortunately, I subsist on a diet of spicy food, so I probably smell awful, and shouldn't get too close if I can help it. It's a delicate balance to strike.

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exercise does wonders in so many areas... well, cardio exercise anyway. im the same way, after i jog i really dont give a shit who i walk up and talk to. i feel superior because they didnt just go for a jog, i did.

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the world will always the world. your entire existence is defined by your response.

I said I have never read a full post of his dipshit. Responding and reading are two different things smart ass.

Never understood why it's a point of pride to go on a text-based website and say "YUP DIDN'T READ NONE OF THEM PESKY WORDS."

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Really? You seem like you'd be fun and normal.

You were the last person I expected to burn me like that.

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It's not a burn. I really think you are fun and normal.

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

You shut up!

I think you almost have him convinced

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

Ch is awesome.

I'm not fun nor normal. Can confirm; am self

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I believe ya CH.

Just ignore spaulding

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

Rfdc is an idiot. Everybody knows that. Don't listen to him!

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

People would like you more or give you the benefit of the doubt if you weren't such a dick!

Don't you have a Khabibulin highlight film to watch?

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."