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Ladies and Gentlemen, it's (past) the weekend and it's time to vote for some Douchebags!
Although David Spada did indeed try to redeem himself in the good fight against Social Justice Warrior and weird, evil sorceress Julie DiCaro, he still won last week's poll. Given his attempt at being a human being for ever the briefest of moments, he probably will be near the bottom of the leaderboard during the 1st quarterfinal. Congratulations, David. You've earned the douchebag of the week, and you did it with a broken arm you got bullying a woman in a softball game. Word.
This week we've got:
Darkside: Your old pal Darko was nominated by perpetual curmudgeon Jorr Orr Road Rod because Darkside had the nerve to point out the painfully obvious truth that no one ever really agrees with him. Granted, Darko is a bit of an angry lush, gleefully arrogant and quite a ladies man, but did he deserve a nomination for quite literally being right? I mean even sheepfucker leashyourkids knows that JORR is a bizarre old bastard with more hair than good ideas. Now, JORR will pop into and out of threads spouting more bizarre nonsense than Dr. Who, and he really hates when folks tell him he's a weird old bastard, but did he deserve the treatment Darko gave him? Your vote here will tell the tale.
Jason Heyward: spmack nominated Heyward because his bat is weaker than a Bernstein claim of athleticism, and it's killing rallies faster than violence and scuffles at a Trump gathering in Chicago. Heyward was supposed to be good, and in the field he has been but behind the plate he's been limper than leashyourkids at a strip club. Dude is cashing big checks to hit and to catch the ball, but can't really hit, so the question I pose you, fellow fanatics, is does this make him a douchebag or just another in a long line of bad Cubs free agent signings? You vote will help us decide.
Julian Assange: Supposedly this weird fucker has the goods to put Hillary in the pokey for a long time, but is... not releasing the information? FavreFan nominated him for not releasing the data, or for hiding in an embassy, or for some reason, with FavreFan coherency isn't exactly his forte. Setting ovens on fire, bringing chronic masturbators into your home, and fucking 93 year old immigrants, now we're talking his forte. I mean dude watched this old lady take a nasty header into a deck and still molested her. Actually that didn't really happen, she tried to invite her in and I was standing there and I bailed man, just bailed (I think I said something like, "OK! Well, I'm outta here" and he was all mad at me for not... joining? Wingmanning? I'm not sure what I was supposed to do but this guy had a chance to get a little toothless skull and he passed it up, so what was I to do stand there and watch this happen or get the fuck out in case the weirdo said yeah I'll come in for a.... nightcap. I bet leash would have done it if it were a drunken, concussed farm animal). Anyway, if Julian Assange is a douchebag for not releasing the Hillary emails, vote here!
Super Bitch Message From Norton: Darkside got a veiled threat in popup virus like form from Norton because they're pretty pissed at him for not paying 80 dollars to slow down his computer and fuck up his entire operating system while providing less than stellar protection against viruses that they themselves probably are creating in order to make themselves look good. Not once did I ever have a virus actually cleaned off this laptop, and I don't use it to cruise porn anymore, so what do I need those weird fuckers for anyhow? Screw em! Fucking savages and they stupid $80/year fees. Clown!
Morgan Freeman: Serial cat fucker leashyourkids nominated the man with the silkiest black voice since Marvin Gaye for this week's Douchebag of the Week because he lied about Hillary. He's cool with the whole rape and marrying his granddaughter or whatever this weird bastard did but lying about Hillary, wooo baby that's the thing that pissed off leash. Look, Freeman is like that sweet, kind, wonderful, rapey, loving, gentle grandfather we wish we all had, but does lying about Hillary make him a douchebag? VOTE!
Well, folks, these are this week's nominees. Please slow down, drink an alcoholic beverage, or if your're leash, some bleach, and vote for this week's biggest douchebag. Next week we'll crown the week 6 douchebag! I can't wait. It's going to be more awesome than leashyourkids falling headfirst into a pool of his own bile infused vomit.
_________________ "Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014 bigfan wrote: Many that is true, but an incomplete statement.
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