Ladies and Gentlemen, it's (past) the weekend and that means it's time to vote for some Douchebags.

Last week we elected Brent and Brianna Daley, who abandoned their young boy so they could go Pokeamon or whatever it's called. Clearly, this game has reduced the IQ of it's users and turned them into wandering zombies, searching high and low for things that don't exist outside of their own oddly artificially augmented reality while moving into and out of traffic and off bridges and cliffs. Granted, just about anyone playing this game deserves a piece of this nomination but for the sake of brevity we're just sticking to these dopes. So congratulations, baby abandoners, you've won a shot at the quarterly showdown! WOO!

This week we've got:

Sam Adams Jr. (sic): Walt Williams Neck has suffered yet another stroke and nominated the son of founding founder and 4th governor of Massachusetts Samual Adams. We're not sure what he did exactly or why this nomination took something like 230 years to get underway but apparently this man, who has been dead for around 200 years came on television after the Blago hearing and said "me" and "I" too much for Walt's tastes. Walt says Mr. Adams is an attention whore, and he may have been but after a 200 year dirt nap how much attention can he really be whoring? Is this another one of Walt's clogged synapses or could he actually be right about this guy? Vote!

The Olympics: Old school poster Peter Puck returned from the dead to nominate the Olympics, because no one with a penis actually cares about them. Truthfully, the Olympics are generally chemically enhanced athletes, and it's weird the men all seem to have shrunken balls and the women bigger mustaches than Tom Selleck, and half the Russian Federation is banned and most of the events are completely incomprehensible like for example, synchronized swimming. Why the fuck is this an Olympic event? I mean, swimming the same time as another person? Why not an Olympic oil change? Or an Olympic corn shucking event? So you're telling me we've got trampoline as an event but not BASEBALL? What the actual merry fuck is that about? The olympics are stupid. Screw you, Olympics.

Simpsons Fans: We here at the Douchebag of the Week Home Office are routinely confounded by nominations but this one... yeah I don't really know. Apparently IMU was trying to tell us that the Simpsons was a Kids show and that the people who like this show, largely grown adults, are sensitive. Now we're not here to debate whether this is or isn't a kids show or whether people are sensitive, so let's instead debate whether IMU is crazy. I say yes.

These Goddamn Cicadas: After spending a long, hot day outside sometimes people just want a little nice peace and quiet. Well, not around here, bub. These tiny little demons spawn out of the ground after years of slumber and wreck the sweet peace of a quiet midsummer night with their high intensity aural discharge intended to murder people with the piercing screams similar to that of children singing and the death cries uttered from the brutal, bloody murder of several species of small helpless animals. These sons of bitches serve no purpose other than to provide entertainment for the aforementioned lunatic IMU and therefore should all die in the raging inferno of a thousand hells, thus the nomination from Darkside. Fuck you, Cicadas.

Generation X: Serial puppy rapist leashyourkids nominated Generation X because they don't know how to do anything and will not admit fault when they are shown empirical evidence of their own stupidity. Don't like it, gramps? Get on your AOL online and dial into the web portal and search yahoo to find this page and when you find the reply button go ahead and submit your complaint, and if you can manage to click on the submit button we'll read your self absorbed tripe defending your disaffected generation of whiners and slackers and entitled jerks who managed to raise another generation of even bigger whiners and slackers and more entitled jerks!


Well, ladies and gentlemen, these are your top nominees for this week's honors. Vote carefully. Vote honestly. If you're Seacrest go ahead and vote 20+ times to settle a personal score by abusing your privileges.
We'll see you next week!

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Frank murdered a cicada Saturday night.

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Rick Hahn is the best GM in baseball.

Mine didn't even get nominated and it was the clear winner.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

Do better next time.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Hi Rick! I challenge you to post one thing every day for a week that you did not get nominated for but clearly deserved to get nominated for. I do this because you are my friend, and because you have a lot of nominations! Be sure to tag at least 5 other people to take part in this challenge after you. Ready, ok, go!

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Now we get the 22 pushups challenge. Not going to ask anyone on the board to do that though. It may work if we could combine them.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!