9/20: Bernstein to editors: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Dave In Champaign · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:03 pm

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2016/09/19/ ... retenders/

Quote:

The good news is that we really knew they probably weren’t any good, anyway.

Not good news in that it’s actually fun for any of us, but good in that we can let go of the collective fog we choose to embrace that allows annually for the tantalizing local possibilities afforded by a league that has devolved into more random chaos than we care to admit.

Lie down, close your eyes, and let that second graf wash over you.

Curious Hair · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:05 pm

How do you embrace fog, you fucking retard

Hussra · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:11 pm

in russia (and the rest of the planet), fog embraces you.

what's random about having a secondary sans easily exploitable weak-spots + a consistent pass rush to force the QB to throw early enough in the play the dbacks don't lose their covers.

throw in an edge-rusher and the semblance of a running game on offense to keep the opposing d somewhat honest...it's not rocket surgery. or is it.

Curious Hair · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:14 pm

Oh, Christ, it gets worse:

Quote:

This roster was poisoned for years by Jerry Angelo and then Phil Emery, and Ryan Pace has yet to have gained the benefit of the doubt that he can stop the bleeding.

I've been poisoned. Stop the bleeding! God, he's like Little Carmine Lupertazzi standing at the crossroads of a precipice.

Hussra · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:17 pm

CH doing Bernstein parody could be mult-worthy.

formerlyknownas · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:18 pm

Hussra wrote:

in russia (and the rest of the planet), fog embraces you.

what's random about having a secondary sans easily exploitable weak-spots + a consistent pass rush to force the QB to throw early enough in the play the dbacks don't lose their covers.

throw in an edge-rusher and the semblance of a running game on offense to keep the opposing d somewhat honest...it's not rocket surgery. or is it.

I guess every sport is weirdly random now, according to Dan.

Curious Hair · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:20 pm

Hussra wrote:

CH doing Bernstein parody could be mult-worthy.

One time I wrote Senor's Bears postmortem. I don't think I could parody a self-parody, it'd be laying it on too thick.

Curious Hair · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:23 pm

I didn't think he could top my intentionally awful mixed metaphor of a "sodden kiln," but stopping the bleeding from poisoning just might do it. Bears season is tough on everyone.

Quote:

It's as easy and lazy for you to wrap yourself in storm clouds

Quote:

we can let go of the collective fog we choose to embrace

I'm seein' double, four Krustys

formerlyknownas · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:27 pm

Curious Hair wrote:

Hussra wrote:

CH doing Bernstein parody could be mult-worthy.

One time I wrote Senor's Bears postmortem. I don't think I could parody a self-parody, it'd be laying it on too thick.

holy shit, that was spot-on....

Telegram Sam · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:31 pm

Dave In Champaign wrote:

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2016/09/19/bernstein-lame-bears-exposed-as-pretenders/

Quote:

The good news is that we really knew they probably weren’t any good, anyway.

Not good news in that it’s actually fun for any of us, but good in that we can let go of the collective fog we choose to embrace that allows annually for the tantalizing local possibilities afforded by a league that has devolved into more random chaos than we care to admit.

Lie down, close your eyes, and let that second graf wash over you.

Hussra · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:32 pm

How do you write Bernstein so well?

disregard meaning and sensibility; throw in painful to parse mixed metaphors and butcher a few inapplicable idioms.

Curious Hair · **Posted:** Mon Sep 19, 2016 11:39 pm

That's pretty much it. I sort of imagine a Food Guide Pyramid when I do it, but instead of bread, you have pauses/sighs/stammering, and instead of fruits and vegetables, you have extraneous adverbs. Meat and poultry correspond to law/medicine/business references, and the "sweets, oils, and fats (use sparingly)" are, like, stopping in the middle of a sentence to sing a parody of an R.E.M. lyric.

Dignified Rube · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 8:12 am

Hussra wrote:

How do you write Bernstein so well?

disregard meaning and sensibility; throw in painful to parse mixed metaphors and butcher a few inapplicable idioms.

"Kevin White has all the quick-twitch suddenness of a warm egg-salad sandwich".

What in the world does this mean?

If you're going to use a food metaphor with eggs to describe the Bears, shouldn't it be "rotten"?

good dolphin · **Joined:** Thu Feb 17, 2005 2:35 pm **Posts:** 82222

Hussra wrote:

How do you write Bernstein so well?

disregard meaning and sensibility; throw in painful to parse mixed metaphors and butcher a few inapplicable idioms.

have your work proofread by a mental case

pittmike · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 8:26 am

I am actually surprised he could not find a place to slip in the anthem and mouth breathers that are afraid of people that don't look like them.

good dolphin · **Joined:** Thu Feb 17, 2005 2:35 pm **Posts:** 82222

warm egg salad moves better than cold egg salad

Juice's Lecture Notes · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 8:37 am

Curious Hair wrote:

God, he's like Little Carmine Lupertazzi standing at the crossroads of a precipice.

He's an old-fashioned guy, pop. Very allegorical.

Bagels · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 9:34 am

Dave In Champaign wrote:

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2016/09/19/bernstein-lame-bears-exposed-as-pretenders/

Quote:

The good news is that we really knew they probably weren’t any good, anyway.

Not good news in that it’s actually fun for any of us, but good in that we can let go of the collective fog we choose to embrace that allows annually for the tantalizing local possibilities afforded by a league that has devolved into more random chaos than we care to admit.

Lie down, close your eyes, and let that second graf wash over you.

im no grammar expert but that seems like a run-on sentence

billypootons · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 9:37 am

Bagels wrote:

Dave In Champaign wrote:

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2016/09/19/bernstein-lame-bears-exposed-as-pretenders/

Quote:

The good news is that we really knew they probably weren’t any good, anyway.

Not good news in that it’s actually fun for any of us, but good in that we can let go of the collective fog we choose to embrace that allows annually for the tantalizing local possibilities afforded by a league that has devolved into more random chaos than we care to admit.

Lie down, close your eyes, and let that second graf wash over you.

im no grammar expert but that seems like a run-on sentence

still amazes me how awful a writer bernstein is. considering how REALLY.SMART.RADIO he is with that Duke degree

Dave In Champaign · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 10:25 am

I think Dan desperately wants to be David Foster Wallace—writing these long, gloriously discursive sentences full of callbacks and cultural references and wordplay that finally reveal the deeper human truths at the heart of banal pursuits like sports. Obviously Dan isn’t in the same universe as Wallace as a writer, but I actually don’t think it would matter even if he were. Dan’s real problem is that he’s a stuffy old scold who fancies himself A Serious Journalist, so his literary pretensions are always bound by the selfsame rules (primarily, a self-effacing tone of “objectivity”) that Wallace made a career out of toying with and inverting. So what you get is a guy of slightly above-average intelligence desperately trying to prove he’s smart by aping the style of a bona fide genius whose aforementioned style was all about desperately trying to distance himself from his own intelligence, and failing because he also wants to make clear that he knows a lot of big words. It's all quintessentially postmodern and brilliantly Wallaceian. If only he were doing it on purpose.

Brick · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 10:32 am

Dave In Champaign wrote:

I think Dan desperately wants to be David Foster Wallace

If he keeps on eating expired meat he may be.

Douchebag · **Joined:** Tue Aug 19, 2008 3:03 pm **Posts:** 43569

Dan has got the entire board having kittens. Should be a great show today.

ToxicMasculinity · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 10:39 am

I'm trying to think of how that second paragraph could be turned into a WYC.

pittmike · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 1:26 pm

"Wee are wandering the wasteland". Per Dan, last night called for him to find TS Elliot before bed. :roll:

Hank Scorpio · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 1:27 pm

pittmike wrote:

"Wee are wandering the wasteland". Per Dan, last night called for him to find TS Elliot before bed. :roll:

Oh Discordia!

Terry's Peeps · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 1:40 pm

Hank Scorpio wrote:

pittmike wrote:

"Wee are wandering the wasteland". Per Dan, last night called for him to find TS Elliot before bed. :roll:

Oh Discordia!

pittmike · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 2:15 pm

Bernsie: Wentz is a stud and can make big boy throws.

Walt Williams Neck · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 2:58 pm

pittmike wrote:

Bernsie: Wentz is a stud and can make big boy throws.

He's got a lot of Eric Hipple in him!

conns7901 · **Joined:** Wed Nov 30, 2005 11:36 pm **Posts:** 19371

Douchebag wrote:

Dan has got the entire board having kittens. Should be a great show today.

5 posts during the actual show. Sounds like it was can't miss radio today.

leashyourkids · **Posted:** Tue Sep 20, 2016 7:46 pm

How in the fuck is this guy actually writing a blog? (Or whatever they call this)

9/20: Bernstein to editors: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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