My kid got sick and stayed home on the third day of school. I called up and he said the doctor told him it was because I took him out for too long fielding ground balls the night before.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

My two favorite pro sports teams suck. I mean they are really fucking atrocious. At least the White Sox have a bit of promise with some decent starting pitching. But the Bears....yeah I got nothing. Sports used to be a big part of my life, and now I just don't care.

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My son told me he was a Cubs fan this weekend. After he finished walking the rest of the way home he said told me "what's the big deal? it's just a team."

_________________
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

weather change = back pain.

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@audioidkid

Indian people suck at driving. It's seriously something everyday on the road with these people.

Nuke India.

Drilled through my cabinet door while trying to install a child safety lock. Oops. Went to touch it up with a finish marker, only to realize it was the wrong color as I apply it. Double oops.

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-- source

None of the child safety stuff worked at our house. My older boy figured out all of it. Climbed out his crib, and over wooden, pressure gates by 18 months. At two, he opened the locking gate at the top of the basement stairs, and could open the locks on the pantry, and all cabinets. He is like Houdini.

The little guy is four, and he hasn't figured out all of it.

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

I did the same and then a friend told me about the magnet locks. They're way easier and don't make you destroy your fucking cabinets.

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We have those too, but the lady kept losing the key. Couldn't find it for a day. I got annoyed, ripped open one of the cabinets and found it locked inside, so the magnet lock was trashed. This was the sixth lock I've installed. First time I drilled too deep.

_________________
-- source

Humble brag.

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

Is there a thread detailing this incident? I must've missed it, I think I remember some mention of a veiled medical "situation"...

A coworker has had two chainsaw incidents now, the lesser including a deep cut to the thigh, the first included a ten-foot fall onto the concrete patio resulting in fractured spine/titanium rods/etc.

Be careful out there!

I bought a chainsaw last year to take some trees down. Thought about stuff like this, and called a tree company to take them down. Needless to say, still have yet to fire it up....

Half of my team called in today...this is going to suck.

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weddings. what an awful waste of a saturday. i've finally made it through all the required weddings i have to go to until my children start getting married. I just can't fathom a worse way of spending a saturday. I'm not asked a lot to be in weddings but i've said no to all but 1 in the last 5 years. lucked out, 2 of them were "lets all spend a thousand dollars flying south for a wedding on the beach" bullshit fests.

the chances of this being an abject failure are too large for me to commit to such a time eater.

my wife takes the kids to weddings and i get a day by myself. everyone probably thinks i'm an asshole but they are just mad because they are sitting there doing all those stupid calisthenics at their catholic wedding we were PROMISED wasn't a full catholic wedding.

I will meet up at the reception at times if i'm hungry. I love cake and cream cheese mints. as soon as they are like "DANCE FLOOR IS OPEN" its time to go home and watch some awful pac12 football game i could care less about because its still infinitely more fun that watching enormous lonely women nearly kill every other person on the dance floor.

and then you get 40 yr old people getting married and i'm supposed to get these people a gift? they are older than me and have been single for 20 years. they should have enough shit, screw off.

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i'm glad another couple find my presence worthy enough to witness their ceremony and partake in festivities.

what's your contact info hnd i'll invite you to mine in next year

You're an old person, right? I find it hard to believe anyone under 40 is this miserable.

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

Exactly...I'm sort of old, but I totally dig weddings. The food is usually spotty, but there's booze, and I can usually work my way into some sort of odd discussion with someone...

Bonus points if the wedding isn't in my own family.

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I like weddings. The last one I went to was on a Friday, in Indiana and was for an employee...oofah!

_________________
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

The trifecta of suck.

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[unshakable image of Dolphin bellowing "Prima Nocta!" in a Hobart Elk's Lodge hall.]

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

Weddings seem like the biggest headaches and waste of money. I'm the best man (I should win something free for the 3rd time) in a wedding in St. Thomas in a few weeks and it all seems to stressful and a waste of resources. I haven't participated in a wedding that hasn't seemed that way. It's making me think twice about spending thousands just to entertain other people.

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Nas: Blago, who has single handedly destroyed CFMB?

Blago: https://youtube.com/shorts/Lftdxd-YXt8?feature=share

Mind you own damn business! -VP Walz

I never understood the destination wedding. I was invited to two of them by very close friends and told them no, that I wasn't going. Weddings are a bit indulgent already
but to ask your guests to fly thousands of miles and spend significant money to be there is asking an awful lot.

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

Same fucking coworker every time. I just want to eat my breakfast or lunch in peace. It takes me less than five minutes. Never fails. He has to come in to chit chat about anything, while I'm eating. I've told him a few times that I'll come talk to him once I'm done eating. Same guy who leaves streaks on the toilet seat here.

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-- source

in my 30's and generally happy and unmedicated. most of my complaints about life are generally valid. this one might be off the rails a bit but i stand by it.

I agree w/ hnd on this one. Weddings are no different than lame family get-togethers except you have to spend money and dress up.

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1 couple we are good friends with invited us to their wedding. my wife was going to be out of town so i was like, nope. its a saturday where the wife and kids are out of town. i'm not wasting that on a wedding. They were both really cool about it. a few days before the wedding another inviite came in the mail. for just me for just the reception. it was a bbq catered wedding by a pitmaster here locally who kills it. I went to that. shook the grooms hand, kissed the bride on the cheek, engorged on bbq, ate some cake, joked with some friends, all in flip flops, shorts and a polo and left. 1/2 hour tops. My buddy was like that was the most efficient "receptioning" i've ever seen.

I like my family

_________________
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

I've tried to convince myself that it is a vacation for me and my lady friend so I do think about the cost of the trip. I couldn't do that when it comes to the bachelor party and all the other crap. I knew there was a good chance he would ask me to be the best man but I was really hoping that he didn't.

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Nas: Blago, who has single handedly destroyed CFMB?

Blago: https://youtube.com/shorts/Lftdxd-YXt8?feature=share

Mind you own damn business! -VP Walz

Same here. Good to know that there isn't a shortage of absolutely miserable, self-hating whiny bastards on this board!

Lighten up, Francis!