I'm scared. Did Donald Trump get him?

I'm also curious, if he is a lamp shade, where is he a lamp shade right now? What KKK member has him in the Family Room right now? Boy, is that KKK member gonna regret it. Sure, it's cool to get a free lamp shade. Who doesn't want a free lamp shade? But that KKK guy didn't know what he was getting in that free lamp shade. Cuz that Dan Bernstein lamp shade is gonna be bitching all the time. And talking about how Theo is REALLY SMART. Who wants that all the time in your family room?

Anyway, I'm gonna try to go to bed right now. But I don't know if I'll sleep. Donald Trump might have taken Dan Bernstein. Donald Trump might have killed Dan Bernstein. Dan Bernstein might be a lamp shade. Think about that? That's awful.

Dan Bernstein Lamp Shade: Do you know the metrics on Kris Bryant? He's a +7 WAR player. OBP is .370. Let me read to you what Joe Sheehan from baseball prospectus says about him...

KKK guy: Dude?

Dan Bernstein Lamp Shade: Hey, you're the one who made me your lamp shade.

He's a penguin.

You guys are being a little difficult on Dan. He only lives about an hour and a half away from the Hardcore American South. He has every right to be concerned.

_________________
You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

_________________
"This is Chicago, my friend. Anything can happen."

_________________
"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."