Anusface AKA Penisbreath wrote:
OG once went to a frat party and proceeded to roundhouse kick every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor.
It has been rumored that OG's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
OG does not sleep. He waits.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending OG himself. His reasoning? "It was more humane.”
OG sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, OG roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
OG is currently suing NBC, claiming “Law and Order” are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
OG built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, OG met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
OG once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
OG's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodOG could OG if a woodOG could OG wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF OG!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand, he bellowed, "Don't DOPE with OG!" Two years and five months later, he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Filming on location for “Walker: Texas Ranger,” OG brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, OG roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that OG giveth, and the good OG, he taketh away.
OG was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have OG omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, OG smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer, only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
The chief export of OG is pain.
If you can see OG, he can see you. If you can't see OG, you could be dead in a matter of seconds.
There are no disabled people … only people who have met OG.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, OG instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
OG died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
OG is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like OG.
OG won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
OG can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
OG doesn’t shave – he kicks himself in the face.
The only thing that can cut OG is OG.
OG doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When OG plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or snake bites, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
OG appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," OG replied, "That's no glitch."
One day OG looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares OG!" He is still there to this day.
When OG's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, OG said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question OG."
OG once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his way.”
OG frequently signs up for beginner karate classes just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
OG can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.
Thank you, OG …
That's my little boy!!!
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
