I've always been worthless, but tonight it really hit me.

My wife is out so I'm watching my daughter alone. Whenever that happens, we usually order in or go out for dinner. But tonight was gonna be different. My 2 year old daughter and I were going to stay in and make dinner and hang out. I even bought her a new Play-Doh set so we could do the activities.

So, after playing a little, I ask her what she wants for dinner and let her go through the fridge and freezer. She picks out pickles, peas, and chicken strips. Sounds great!

I then realized I don't know how to make peas. Peas. Fucking peas! I read the instructions, and all they talked about was some contraption called a vegetable steamer. So I got cocky and went rogue, throwing the peas in a pot on the stove with a little water. Well, apparently it wasn't enough water because it burnt the fucking peas to a crisp and set off the fire alarm. I'm still waiting on the chicken. The pickles seem to be a success at this juncture.

I fancy myself as some sort of cock of the walk because I go into depositions and fuck with lawyers... But the truth is I'm a sad individual who has never even cooked peas and can't even figure out how without instructions.

My daughter has been looking at me with disgust ever since. How the fuck did I even make it this far in life?

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Poor leash.

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Should've put a lid on the pot if you wanted a steam effect. Dumbass.

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Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

How the fuck do people know these things!?

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Shoulda ate them raw. Steamers are for weaklings.

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Successful calls:

Kyrie Irving will never win anything as a team's alpha: check
T.rubisky is a bust: check
Ben Simmons is a liability: check
The Fields Cult is dumb: double check

2013 CSFMB ROY

I always had a motto when I had to do the Mr Mom thing back in the day...
If in doubt order out.

Worked well.

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"This is Chicago, my friend. Anything can happen."

That's pretty bad if you're serious. Where's the Common Knowledge thread?

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Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

I don't need advice from some hipster vegan, either, okay!? If she doesn't eat the burnt peas, she's going to bed early.

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Maybe Guy Fieri can chime in with some solid advice, leash.

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"This is Chicago, my friend. Anything can happen."

I bet leash doesn't even know what animal peas come from.

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

Yes, you are worthless.

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

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I don't need advice on how to cook peas from a guy with no kids.

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Then ask someone with kids cuz you're pretty fuckin bad at it.

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

I can cook peas with the flint from a Zippo and a spiral notebook.

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I once got busy in a Sur la Table bathroom

You're excused because the only time you should eat peas is mixed in with fried rice.

Eating peas by themselves is pretty awful.

Wrong. Eating peas or corn, or both, with mash potatoes is delicious.

That's probably Rube's only good post ever. Peas are fucking awful.

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

Read the title of the thread. No need to pile on.

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Exactly.

This is your wife's fault. There should not be peas in the house to begin with.

I wish I could tell you that this daddy daughter thing is going to get better....but it isn't.

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

Well maybe you ought to rethink the whole leash thing, pal. I'm thinking switching places within the leash would make things substantially safer in the leash household.

_________________
Successful calls:

Kyrie Irving will never win anything as a team's alpha: check
T.rubisky is a bust: check
Ben Simmons is a liability: check
The Fields Cult is dumb: double check

2013 CSFMB ROY

Your wife out marching? Just leaves her kids unattended?

Next time throw the peas in a bowl, put it in the microwave for 40 seconds and be done with it. If you'd like, add a little water to the bowl.

you could have microwaved the peas.
Low-T cuck.

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I wasn't actually asking for advice on how to cook peas, you shallow beta pieces of shit.

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Next time, shove the can of peas up your ass.

I haven't eaten dinner vegetables that weren't in the ready to steam microwave bags in some time.

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Elections have consequences.

I'm with you brother, I would have started them on fire the same way. Fuck peas.

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Peas and/or capers go well with Salmon and mash potatoes.

Get the peas in the bag you can just steam in the microwave.

I'm in the same boat when left with my kid for dinner. I can go to McD's and have her eat shitty food and get covered in nasty germs in the playland but she'll eat everything and have fun for at least an hour while I'm left alone with my phone to post garbage on this site or I can make her something healthyish at home and interact with with like a real parent. Need to work on choosing the good one.