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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 10:59 am 
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Chus wrote:
leashyourkids wrote:
Come on. Some of you are out of your minds. Trustworthy or not, how many of you wouldn't pause if your wife came home late and told you she went to dinner with another guy?


If she stumbled in the door at midnight, and I had no idea where she was, yes, that would be an issue. That is obviously not a scenario I was presenting.


Would you be okay with her going out with an old friend without notifying you first?

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:00 am 
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FavreFan wrote:
leashyourkids wrote:
FavreFan wrote:
leashyourkids wrote:
Come on. Some of you are out of your minds. Trustworthy or not, how many of you wouldn't pause if your wife came home late and told you she went to dinner with another guy?

It would have to depend on the circumstances, right? "Late" and "another guy" are pretty vague.


She's out till 9:00, gets home, and tells you she was at dinner with Frank Coztansa.

Immediate divorce. But if she gets home at a reasonable hour and was at dinner with a work colleague or some dude she's known since they were kids or whatever, there's no reason to give a shit if there's trust there.


Exactly. Like I said earlier, this all boils down to trust.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:00 am 
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Chus wrote:
Big Chicagoan wrote:
If some dude invited my wife to a 1 on 1 dinner, I would wonder what his intentions were. Unless he was gay, of course.


Obviously, that is weird. I'm not picking up some woman at the grocery store, and taking her to dinner. There are clearly scenarios where it is okay. A coworker, a friend's spouse, and old friend, etc.


Disagree -

If one of my wife's male co-workers asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, after work, I would question his motives.
If one of her/my friend's spouse asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.
If a male friend from her past asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:01 am 
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leashyourkids wrote:
Chus wrote:
leashyourkids wrote:
Come on. Some of you are out of your minds. Trustworthy or not, how many of you wouldn't pause if your wife came home late and told you she went to dinner with another guy?


If she stumbled in the door at midnight, and I had no idea where she was, yes, that would be an issue. That is obviously not a scenario I was presenting.


Would you be okay with her going out with an old friend without notifying you first?


She would never do that.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:01 am 
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FavreFan wrote:
ChiefWampum wrote:
7:45 - "Hi, honey, just had a nice dinner with Jim, my old friend from college."

Would that do the trick for you?

I'm not married so maybe a guy like JORR who is and has similar opinions on this can answer, but I don't see the big deal there.


Honestly, knowing my wife, I would have no issue with this at all.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:02 am 
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Big Chicagoan wrote:
Chus wrote:
Big Chicagoan wrote:
If some dude invited my wife to a 1 on 1 dinner, I would wonder what his intentions were. Unless he was gay, of course.


Obviously, that is weird. I'm not picking up some woman at the grocery store, and taking her to dinner. There are clearly scenarios where it is okay. A coworker, a friend's spouse, and old friend, etc.


Disagree -

If one of my wife's male co-workers asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, after work, I would question his motives.
If one of her/my friend's spouse asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.
If a male friend from her past asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.

I don't want to get personal or anything, but I don't know how someone can read this and not think there are clear trust issues.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:03 am 
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FavreFan wrote:
Big Chicagoan wrote:
Chus wrote:
Big Chicagoan wrote:
If some dude invited my wife to a 1 on 1 dinner, I would wonder what his intentions were. Unless he was gay, of course.


Obviously, that is weird. I'm not picking up some woman at the grocery store, and taking her to dinner. There are clearly scenarios where it is okay. A coworker, a friend's spouse, and old friend, etc.


Disagree -

If one of my wife's male co-workers asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, after work, I would question his motives.
If one of her/my friend's spouse asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.
If a male friend from her past asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.

I don't want to get personal or anything, but I don't know how someone can read this and not think there are clear trust issues.


I don't see trust issues at all. I think it's a pretty normal reaction.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:03 am 
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People have different philosophies in life. There are those who want to drive as close to the cliff as possible and those who want to be as far away from the cliff as possible. A lot of people live their lives with little or no boundaries. You pretty much can't commit physical adultery if you are never alone with a woman other than your wife. Good boundaries for a guy who never wants to get caught in bed with some intern or political aide.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:04 am 
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leashyourkids wrote:
FavreFan wrote:
Big Chicagoan wrote:
Chus wrote:
Big Chicagoan wrote:
If some dude invited my wife to a 1 on 1 dinner, I would wonder what his intentions were. Unless he was gay, of course.


Obviously, that is weird. I'm not picking up some woman at the grocery store, and taking her to dinner. There are clearly scenarios where it is okay. A coworker, a friend's spouse, and old friend, etc.


Disagree -

If one of my wife's male co-workers asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, after work, I would question his motives.
If one of her/my friend's spouse asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.
If a male friend from her past asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.

I don't want to get personal or anything, but I don't know how someone can read this and not think there are clear trust issues.


I don't see trust issues at all. I think it's a pretty normal reaction.

I guess so. Obviously, many of us here have different definitions of what a normal reaction is to that.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:04 am 
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FavreFan wrote:
Big Chicagoan wrote:
Chus wrote:
Big Chicagoan wrote:
If some dude invited my wife to a 1 on 1 dinner, I would wonder what his intentions were. Unless he was gay, of course.


Obviously, that is weird. I'm not picking up some woman at the grocery store, and taking her to dinner. There are clearly scenarios where it is okay. A coworker, a friend's spouse, and old friend, etc.


Disagree -

If one of my wife's male co-workers asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, after work, I would question his motives.
If one of her/my friend's spouse asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.
If a male friend from her past asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.

I don't want to get personal or anything, but I don't know how someone can read this and not think there are clear trust issues.



I'm not questioning my wife. I know she would never cheat on me. But the guy asking her out probably wants to jump her bones -- that's what I'm saying. I didn't say I would say no to her going out, I'm saying if she thinks they just want to chit chat, I would disagree.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:05 am 
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Its all about situation and context.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:06 am 
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I understand where Pence is coming from. I can't recall having dinner or lunch alone with a women I hadn't slept with or wasn't trying to sleep with that wasn't related to me. It can create a potential problem.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:06 am 
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FavreFan wrote:
leashyourkids wrote:
FavreFan wrote:
Big Chicagoan wrote:
Chus wrote:
Big Chicagoan wrote:
If some dude invited my wife to a 1 on 1 dinner, I would wonder what his intentions were. Unless he was gay, of course.


Obviously, that is weird. I'm not picking up some woman at the grocery store, and taking her to dinner. There are clearly scenarios where it is okay. A coworker, a friend's spouse, and old friend, etc.


Disagree -

If one of my wife's male co-workers asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, after work, I would question his motives.
If one of her/my friend's spouse asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.
If a male friend from her past asked her out for dinner, 1 on 1, I would question his motives.

I don't want to get personal or anything, but I don't know how someone can read this and not think there are clear trust issues.


I don't see trust issues at all. I think it's a pretty normal reaction.

I guess so. Obviously, many of us here have different definitions of what a normal reaction is to that.


Look, more power to the dudes who wouldn't have a problem with that. As ChicagoFan said, to me, it's not really about trusting my wife. It's just a strange perception and a strange request. I would absolutely question the motives of the other guy. In a way, I guess I think it's disrespectful. I guess I'm old-fashioned in that way.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:07 am 
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Chus wrote:
leashyourkids wrote:
Come on. Some of you are out of your minds. Trustworthy or not, how many of you wouldn't pause if your wife came home late and told you she went to dinner with another guy?


If she stumbled in the door at midnight, and I had no idea where she was, yes, that would be an issue. That is obviously not a scenario I was presenting.
What if she was asked, "Do you want to go for a walk, or something?"

I'm still waiting for Rick's list.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:08 am 
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what if the person is of unknown sex, is it ok then or not?

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:08 am 
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leash is just making the point that trust doesn't give it open season on any actions.

I could go out to dinner with an ex-girlfriend and I'm sure my wife would trust me not to do anything. That doesn't mean I should do that.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:09 am 
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Unknown sex? I would have more questions than answers if my wife wanted to go have dinner with 'Its Pat'

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:10 am 
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Boilermaker Rick wrote:
leash is just making the point that trust doesn't give it open season on any actions.

I could go out to dinner with an ex-girlfriend and I'm sure my wife would trust me not to do anything. That doesn't mean I should do that.

Yeah, but that's also much different than saying "You should never have dinner with the opposite sex under any circumstances". I agree that it's not right to be going out with your ex and using Tinder. That's not what we are discussing though.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:12 am 
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Ugueth Will Shiv You wrote:
FavreFan wrote:
I think there's a difference between not eating dinner with the opposite sex, and having a rule that you would never have dinner with the opposite sex under any conditions. The former is understandable, the latter makes you weird and worthy of derision.


...and probably means you're unsure of your personal level of self-control.


This is true. There was a time in my life when I couldn't say no if I was attracted.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:12 am 
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leashyourkids wrote:

Look, more power to the dudes who wouldn't have a problem with that. As ChicagoFan said, to me, it's not really about trusting my wife. It's just a strange perception and a strange request. I would absolutely question the motives of the other guy. In a way, I guess I think it's disrespectful. I guess I'm old-fashioned in that way.

It's strange the way Big Chicagoan presented it, "asking out to dinner, 1 on 1". I don't think it's strange for a professional woman to have dinner with a work colleague, or another man in a similarly accepted scenario. I would agree that to think so would be old fashioned thinking.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:12 am 
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leashyourkids wrote:
Come on. Some of you are out of your minds. Trustworthy or not, how many of you wouldn't pause if your wife came home late and told you she went to dinner with another guy?



My girl could eat her way through a boxcar of Ex-Lax and she wouldn't take a shit without my permission. And she ain't allowed to have dinner with other men.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:13 am 
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Hank Scorpio wrote:
Its all about situation and context.

I agree with that. I just think it's bizarre to forbid it under any circumstance, so I understand people making fun of Mike Pence for it.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:13 am 
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FavreFan wrote:
Boilermaker Rick wrote:
leash is just making the point that trust doesn't give it open season on any actions.

I could go out to dinner with an ex-girlfriend and I'm sure my wife would trust me not to do anything. That doesn't mean I should do that.

Yeah, but that's also much different than saying "You should never have dinner with the opposite sex under any circumstances". I agree that it's not right to be going out with your ex and using Tinder. That's not what we are discussing though.
So the issue here seems to be that he said "under any circumstances" and you think it should just be "under almost any circumstances".

It seems like the list is:
1) A co-worker on a business trip with no one else available to eat dinner with you.
2) A friend you've had for a while who was not an ex.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:15 am 
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I'm no expert, but in my 7 years being married I've learned very quickly that I'm married to a human being and not a possession. Human beings are unpredictable and are big masses of emotions, hormones, and intelligence. They also have the ability to reason and know the difference between right and wrong.

My wife is free to do as she pleases, because she's a person and has every right to spend her time how she wishes. Because of that mutual understanding, I can say with 100% honesty that I have no problem with her eating dinner with anyone.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:16 am 
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Ugueth Will Shiv You wrote:
I'm no expert, but in my 7 years being married I've learned very quickly that I'm married to a human being and not a possession. Human beings are unpredictable and are big masses of emotions, hormones, and intelligence. They also have the ability to reason and know the difference between right and wrong.

My wife is free to do as she pleases, because she's a person and has every right to spend her time how she wishes. Because of that mutual understanding, I can say with 100% honesty that I have no problem with her eating dinner with anyone.
Call her up today, say you'll be eating dinner with a woman tonight and you won't be home for dinner and then hang up.

Good luck.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:17 am 
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Boilermaker Rick wrote:
FavreFan wrote:
Boilermaker Rick wrote:
leash is just making the point that trust doesn't give it open season on any actions.

I could go out to dinner with an ex-girlfriend and I'm sure my wife would trust me not to do anything. That doesn't mean I should do that.

Yeah, but that's also much different than saying "You should never have dinner with the opposite sex under any circumstances". I agree that it's not right to be going out with your ex and using Tinder. That's not what we are discussing though.
So the issue here seems to be that he said "under any circumstances" and you think it should just be "under almost any circumstances".

It seems like the list is:
1) A co-worker
2) A friend you've had for a while who was not an ex.

I would amend it like that, and I'm sure there are other scenarios as well. I guess the amount of acceptable scenarios would be based on the level of trust in the marriage.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:17 am 
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Ugueth Will Shiv You wrote:
I'm no expert, but in my 7 years being married I've learned very quickly that I'm married to a human being and not a possession. Human beings are unpredictable and are big masses of emotions, hormones, and intelligence. They also have the ability to reason and know the difference between right and wrong.

My wife is free to do as she pleases, because she's a person and has every right to spend her time how she wishes. Because of that mutual understanding, I can say with 100% honesty that I have no problem with her eating dinner with anyone.


I disagree. Women are things.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:18 am 
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I've never eaten alone with the opposite sex while married. Not even with my Mom or sister. It just doesn't happen.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:19 am 
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leashyourkids wrote:
Come on. Some of you are out of your minds. Trustworthy or not, how many of you wouldn't pause if your wife came home late and told you she went to dinner with another guy?


Exactly! Even if you do trust her you're going to ask a couple of questions.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:20 am 
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there are a lot of scenarios. pretty much any circumstance is OK unless:
1. WOULD, and
2. it is not work/business related.

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