You may look at Eddie Butler's career 6.50 ERA and think that he is a sub-par career journeyman. And you'd be right. But what you wouldn't know is how he got to the place he is today...

Butler is a direct descendant of the Amish founders in America. He had a very strict upbringing with a father who would frequently use switches to exhibit the wrath of God. "Little Eddie" was a mischievous youngster. When he wasn't stick-building barn frames, he liked to wander beyond the edge of the town he was raised in, and this didn't sit well with the townspeople. At the age of 12, he was caught in bed with a teenage boy from an adjacent town. After a long and drawn-out trial which revealed Eddie's very sick tendencies, there was a vote that moved to send Eddie away from town. With tears in his eyes, Eddie mounted his horse, which only made him look worse. After they were able to remove Eddie's fully erect manhood from his horse, they sent him off on his own.

Eddie limped around the forests of the Northeast for weeks before he finally stumbled upon a plantation in Virginia which also had a college. A professor at the college took Eddie under his wing and taught him the virtues of a progressive way of life. Eddie loved the idea of free love and "glamping." He soon had an entire village of kids who faced the same fate he did under his wing. His goal was to show them that they had self-worth well before the age which Eddie realized that he did.

Unfortunately, Eddie Butler is a psychopathic rapist. He did nothing but harm to these young souls and should have been executed years ago. However, when it was discovered that he could pitch, Theo Epstein reached out to him and was able to absolve him of all charges.

This is the sickest motherfucker the Cubs have ever employed. Let's just hope he has a decent secondary pitch for a fucking change. As a side note, he is also a half-brother to Tim Baffoe.

Bosmosis.

Dude's got good shit.

LaStella's the key.

Whether in the lineup or in minor league limbo, little Tommy connects it all.

Has decent stuff. DFA Anderson. Now.

So was it justified pulling Butler? Didn't see the last few innings.

That was an error on Rizzo wasn't it? It almost hit Rizzo in the face.

That's a big win. Wade Davis is nails. Fuck Chapman.

Yup

That was an error on Rizzo wasn't it? It almost hit Rizzo in the face.

I have MANY years of experience in trying to appreciate steaming piles of dogshit.