denisdman wrote:
I used to think my life was good. But guys on a message board literally shit on everything I once held dear.
I gazed in wonder at living the American dream in a nice neighborhood and large house. Then it was discovered that my home was built by the crappiest builder in America. No worries. My kids attend a private, Christian school. Well that was great until I learned that a private school education will not help my children any more than going to the District 300 schools. And what's worse, there is no such thing as God or Jesus. They told me that too. Thank "god" we have travel baseball. What could be more American than that? Darnit, I found out I am getting ripped off by the club. And what's worse, it was just a play at my own ego, making me some sort of stupid parental monster projecting onto my child.
Alas, I came home to a cold Miller Light or three. I pissed myself when I found out that I should be drinking IPA's at some yoga bar in Kenilworth.
I used to admire the movie Wall Street. It taught me that greed is good. I went out and got my piece of the pie. Then I found out I ate too much pie. Now I am Montgomery Burns minus his lover Mr. Smithers. I told the whole world about my wealth. I wore it as a badge of honor. Now I am heckled for it.
My public school education inspired me to find myself politically. I believe in self reliance and limited government. Until I discovered that my car, farting and exhaling are causing the arctic caps to melt and drowning polar bears. Some kid in Africa is faced with drought conditions because I keep eating chili and polluting the air.
I never really liked looking in the mirror since I lost my hair at a young age. But now I notice that my skin is light and there is meat between my legs. These SJW's have opined that I should check my privilege and stop mansplaining. Besides any success I have achieved is solely because of white cock. Now I sit down when I pee.
Oh Sweet Mecca. Surely 75,000 people couldn't be wrong? But yet my hometown is but a vast suburban wasteland. As I look out my office window, I have to wonder how any person or business would dare plant roots in this tired place? The chain restaurants, traffic, boring people, strip malls, bland housing, how could I have missed it all before? Even Lou's and Portillo's aren't as great as they seem.
And just when a man wants to get away to Vegas, hang out with his friends and quote the Hangover....surely that's ok? Grown men should not do this. I know that now. I apologize for ever thinking that was cool.
The worst of it is- with every detail revealed on said message board, I am one step closer to being Doxxed privately by supposed message board friends.
HAPPY FATHERS' DAY BOYZ!
Don't forget your distinct lack of pop culture knowledge (Statler and Waldorf, for fuck's sake), and the fact that you actually like Caller Bob.
_________________
Darkside wrote:
Our hotel smelled like dead hooker vagina (before you ask I had gotten a detailed description from beardown)
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