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newper
PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:50 am 
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Cal Thomas, a syndicated columnist who is employed by Tribune Media, recently wrote about the ongoing gun violence in Chicago. This is how the article begins, complete with typo:

Frank Sinatra's song about Chicago, "My Kind of Town," "a the town that won't let you down," seems dated in light of last weekend's shooting spree that left 16 dead and dozens wounded in 53 separate incidents. According to the Chicago Tribune, "The victims were among 82 people shot between Thursday afternoon and early Monday."

That is the worst lede anyone on the Deadspin staff has ever read in an article about violence in Chicago, but that didn't stop us (as we've done before) from trying to top it. Here's what we came up with:

Chicago's Chaka Khan once sang, "I'm every woman / It's all in me." Well, if she were living in Chicago today, that'd include a lot of bullets.


http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/here-i ... 1604920862

Quote:
They once sang, "You've lost that loving feeling," but the Brothers aren't feeling very Righteous now that 16 people in Chicago have lost every feeling. They are dead.

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Curious Hair
PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:57 am 
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Chicago's Billy Corgan once sang that "the embers never fade in the city by the lake," but innocent lives did this weekend.

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TurdFerguson
PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:13 am 
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Seven years back Chicago great Devin Hester once remarked "Why yall hate Sea World so much? Whats wrong with it." But now those same words can be said about his own back yard as a weekend of violence left 82 people shot.
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newper
PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:36 am 
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Chicago is home to the picturesque Lake Shore Drive, however for 82 people this weekend, they were more likely concerned with an "ache sore hide", clutching at bullet entry wounds on their bodies.

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Caller Bob
PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:48 am 
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Quote:
Rahm Emanuel Concerned Gun Violence Could Spread To Parts Of City He Gives Shit About

http://www.theonion.com/article/rahm-em ... pread-p-54

Nothing will ever top that(satire wise)
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formerlyknownas
PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:55 am 
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Chicago band Naked Raygun ruled the stages of yesteryear punk Chicago, but this weekend, a different kind of gun--and a different kind of punk--sprayed bullets into 82 mafuckers.

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Curious Hair
PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 11:05 am 
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Chicago's music scene of '93 was famous for breaking bands like Urge Overkill, but this weekend, gang members had the urge to kill over 93 people.

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Curious Hair
PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 11:06 am 
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"Jim Gray's Crime Beat" would have been a kickass Friday Fung if Dan Bernstein still had a soul.

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Magnificent Chuck
PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 11:30 pm 
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Back in 1972, the popular band Chicago sang of (what they thought was) a 4th of July weekend in the park filled with hope and optimism (and Italian songs). But "listen children, all is not lost" has become 'wtf do I do' to Israeli dual citizen and embattled Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel. And another memorable line "a bronze man still can tell stories his own way" has beem reinterpreted as a condescending and judgemental depiction of the African American experience by privileged white men. It is, of course, these same white men who are to blame for creating the institutional racism that leads to the violence, such as that which occured over the weekend, in Chicago's underprivileged communities.

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Dr. Kenneth Noisewater
PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 12:12 am 
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Chicago once sang about 25 or 6 to 4 but that would bring no solace to the 25,624 people that were shot in the Windy City this past weekend.

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formerlyknownas
PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 12:19 am 
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did this make an appearance?

"Lake Shore Drive" by Aliotta, Haynes, & Jeremiah

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOrdtmG2IMM

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badrogue17
PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 8:13 am 
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It's too bad Joe Sheehan doesn't write for them so I can be a smarter purveyor of Chicago crime .

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It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.
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badrogue17
PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 8:16 am 
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Eaglo Jeff wrote:
Wang Chung once wrote about how it is To Live and Die in L.A.

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Psycory
PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 8:20 am 
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Paper Lace once sang that their mom had cried and prayed the night Chicago Died, well last night 84 more moms cried and prayed as their children died in Chicago.

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Killer V
PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 9:38 am 
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97 people this weekend should have heeded Chief Keef's advice when he stated "Bitch nigga we drill, forreal
So don't fuck around and get killed..."

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Bagels
PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 10:13 am 
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badrogue17 wrote:
Eaglo Jeff wrote:
Wang Chung once wrote about how it is To Live and Die in L.A.



:lol:
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