So this morning I'm catching a ~530am purple line @ Howard and as I'm about to get on the train with the doors lined up perfectly in front of me some middle-aged dude in a pink shirt makes it a point to walk right in front of me (there was seriously ~6" of clearance between me and the edge of the platform; human centipede vibe. ) Dude was intentionally letting me know that HE WAS AHEAD OF ME, and I reckon he must be one of those domain seeking types...

But it doesn't end there. As he does this I start humming the mentos theme (Doo Doo Doo Doo DOOOOO AHHHH) out loud and dude starts going "IS THERE A PROBLEM HERE?! IS THERE A PROBLEM BREWING?!?!" but I ignore him as I turn up my headphones and go take my seat away from fuckface....

...AND THEN NO LESS THAN FIFTEEN SECONDS LATER some barney-purple haired chick comes on the train with her bike and goes to go in the back of the car (we're also the last car on this train) and dude starts freaking out like NOOOOOO!!!! DON'T COME BACK HERE WITH THAT, NO BIKES IN THE AISLE... YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GO IN ANOTHER CAR!!!" Fortunately ol girl wasn't having any of his shit as she went all the way back to the end (where she can hold on to her bike without it being in the aisle) but as it became obvious she wasn't listening to fucko he wad to reassert his dominance of the situation like "OH OK IF YOU'RE GOING THERE THATS OK, YOU JUST CAN'T HAVE BIKES LIKE THAT IN THE AISLES OF THESE TRAINS SO REMEMBER THAT IN THE FUTURE!!!!!" --- and from there I'm pretty sure he's forced some conversation upon some of the other people in his seating area (while also looking over at me sporadically cuz clearly I'm a threat to his hegemony for sassing him with the mentos theme for his bullshit.

I hope this dude stays on past me cuz when I get off I wanna apologize to the guy for riding his train! (#TheAudacityOfMe)

So uhhh.... Anyone else got some good public transit sociopath stories?

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EPILOGUE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... as I go to get off I get by the vestibule/door-area/whatever and i wait around by the door to get off dude gets up and makes it a point to cut me off / get in front of me AGAIN just like he did when we were getting on the train.... Of course I technically was standing by the wrong side/doors for my stop at first, so when I went to the proper side dude just stood there with his head down buried in the glass (no doubt keeping an eye on me via reflections) and as I was getting off I went "HEY PINK SHIRT SORRY FOR RIDING YOUR TRAIN THIS MORNING...... YOU MISERABLE ASSHOLE!!!!"

Dude was clearly way too scared to even give me a dirty look, which was fitting as the train stood there for ~30-45secs after I got off so I could see that dude didn't even move from his position to turn around and give me another dirty look... *claps hands* my work here is done!

It's a pity ol girl with the bike was a proper heifer cuz I gotta be her hero now, eh? =]

Soooo yeah, like I was saying b4 the epilogue, anyone else got any good public transit sociopath stories? =]

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I once got on to a NYC subway train and was confronted by a ghost who said it was his train.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.