My mom once told me that if I messed with the thermostat, the pictures on the walls would all turn upside-down.

It was a horrible strategy on her part.

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Not mom but the one I always remember is my Uncle Len telling me he was Batman. He resembled Adam West alot and he had this ring that he would tell me that was his way to open the Batcave.



Speaking of uncle Len, we were down in Florida staying at his house and he had a male friend over and my mom said since we were taking the guest bedroom that my Uncle Len's friend would have to sleep on the floor in his room.

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We had a detached garage built when I was growing up. My mom told me if I left the light on in that garage at night, the house would blow up.


I asked my grandfather (when I was a kid) why the moon was a half moon. He told me there were moon cutters sent up to the moon to cut it like that.

Everything we did or said was running up the light, gas or water bill. We couldn't talk when there was a thunderstorm or watch tv or the lightning would strike our house. My grandmother told a story about a ball of lightning coming in the middle of the floor when she was a kid because they talked during a thunderstorm.

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Be well

GO BEARS!!!

My 90 year old mom told me Trump would hire qualified advisors so that his total lack of competence wouldn’t matter. Seriously.

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Mr. Trump is unfit for our nation’s highest office.- JD Vance
If you committed violence on that day, obviously, you shouldn’t be pardoned.- JD Vance on the J-6 insurrectionists

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Be well

GO BEARS!!!

We love you unconditionally.

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They never said that.

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He misheard them .... they said they loved air conditioning.

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

I convinced my kids that the ice cream man only turns the music on to alert the kids he was out of ice cream. It worked till my daughter was 5.

There's a heaven

Santa was really close to getting me an Atari XE instead of a Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)

(it turns out that unlike me (who had waffled up and back between XE/NES all fall leading up to Xmas) Santa had decided Nintendo a long time ago and enlisted my extended family to all contribute games that year so come Dec 26th I would have a proper Nintendo with 5+ games (Zelda, Baseball, Excitebike, Trojan, and uhhh I think the original Mario Bros (arcade game port) to go along with Gyromite and Duck Hunt, of course!! #ShootTheDog!!!! =)

Go figure nowadays it turns out that my inner [wannabe] electronic/musician in me wishes I maybe got that atari XE cuz I could run OG Cubase VST on there + likely rock other low tech audiowarez to have a wonderfully vintage MIDI box/machine. Yes, that's right, even GRAMMY WINNING ELECTRONIC ARTIST APHEX TWIN will bust out some vintage Atari XE/ST/XL drums!

For the record it took actual receipts for stuff like my Little Professor calculatoresque thingy to convince me that the whole "fuck all y'all Santa's got my back!" was a losing mindset.

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Well, not for you, of course.

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

You have to wait 30 minutes after eating to swim

My Dad's family is from way down in southern Illinois just a few blocks from the Ohio River. When we were kids my dad and uncle would tell us that drift wood floating down the river were alligators. I believed him till I was in 5th grade or so.

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Lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine be.

I'm special.

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Sex isn't dirty, sex isn't a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

-Hank Kingsley

That there were certain foods or meals I wouldn’t like. Look, mom and dad didn’t want to spend the money on feeding lamb or veal to two teenage boys who would just assume eat pizza or burgers, I can respect that. Hell, given the option we woulda probably picked burgers and pizza instead.

My mom had me when she was 40 years old. Until I was about close to a teenager, she always told me she was about 10 years younger than she actually was. My older and brother and sister always tried to tell me mom was just fibbing to make herself younger, and I would not believe it.

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My mom lies about everything.


One of the early funny ones was when I was learning averages in like 3rd grade and was averaging out stats on our calculator. I asked her what her usual test scores were so I could average them and without a hint of sarcasm she rattles off "97,95,98,99"

Shameless.


Also, she lied about my dad paying for my high school tuition and paying the insurance on our car. But that's another thread.

This. I had "hamburger steaks" MANY times until I was about 10.

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My mother in law told her kids she was 27 or 23, can’t remember for years. Told the grandkids it too. Took the one niece a while to figure it out.

One of my wife’s friends says she’s 23. She said it when she was 39 and I told my wife it looked like a rough 23 years.

That they were married when I was little.

They divorced when I was 6months old and separated for a year and then got back together but never remarried. They ended up "divorcing" for good when I was 7. We didn't find this out until we were adults. So technically my sister is a bastard

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