Hey guys, I recently found out that there's a deranged sinicalypse/emessiah super fan who like, discovered me somewhere between ages 8-14 (she's 18 now and got a legal tat to prove it) and immediately decided she's gonba grow up and marry me, so she infiltrated my digital life snd managed to befriend me on IRC (internet relay chat), messageboards (prolly this one too) and even my own fantasy baseball/football leagues.

To further complicate things, she completely rips off my style a la taking my "aphexedvexed" and flipping it into "moralhexx" a badass warrior who went through internet exhibitionism communities dropping keanu-WHOA pics of her dropping her (rather impressive) tits like holy shit she's DESCENDENTS SHIRT GIRL.... YEAH!!!!!!! but the kicker or "moral hexx" is if you save any if her pictures you're a sexual predator cuz it's technically child porn. Holy shit I think this chick is my hero for that one.

Anyways if you're wondering how a chick like thst flirts with you, she waits for you to find her tinder/Instagram account, baits you in with "hottest girl in the world" cred matched by talking to you for ~80 of the first 96 hours she knows you (quitting a job at a pizza place to go for our 40hr str8 marathon, cuz we literally couldn't leave each other alone) then she tries to convince you that she's a giant druggie whore as you start to realize "whoa this chick has been in my digital life for all of her underage years, getting to know me until she turns 18 snd claims me as hers" (she doesn't really leave you much choice, snd let me be the one to tell you that free will is overrated) then it's jealousy games 24/7 literally "it's not you it's me" then she decides "enough of you" and ends up calling the cops on you cuz now you're cyberstalking her.... so I'm obviously gonna marry her ASAP but still every night I go to sleep alone snd wake up like "what can I do today to prove myself to my stalker/s/ ??"

Oh yeah she breaks into your house for foreplay. Left a green shirt on.my bedroom doorknobs once. Bitch stole my old old style waiter/waitress plate from my gsrage. Shes blown pot smoke at me from my backyard at least 2-3 times. And oh yeah she walked by me incognito on Chicago Ave once . Oh yeah when I was staying at a friend's house last week we went out during the day and when we got back there was a Newport cigarette butt (her brand( in the toilet. My friend was also texting a mysterious "barb" the whole time we hung out

My life has been completely fucked lately, but the only thing that isn't fucked is me. It's now been 10yrs and 4 days since I last got laid.... What am I doing wrong here? How do you get s chick like this to get over your "toxic masculinity" snd just come over when you're actually there? Or is this perhaps the greatest compliment thst like, she knows she can't resist my charms so she just plays gsnes like this to feel like she has a chance once she submits to the will of my hellbent desire to get thst hug thst she owes me,!!! #amitheonlyoneherewhocsresabouttherules? #markitzero

Thx 4 the help and be excellent to each other.

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I wish I had the stamina to read all that. . .

. . . all I saw was "18" and "tits", so at least you are on the right side of the law!

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

You need to go to Hawaii, lure her to follow you, and then introduce her to HawaiiYou and let him destroy her with his pent up old guy energy.

Then you can fuck the crack whore who's been after him, and fly back to the mainland with empty testicles.

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"When people want their version of the truth, they go find it, no matter how baseless their beliefs." -- Ken Rosenthal

I like where your head is at thro.... Remind me I owe you a blue label 4 this

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That trip aint ending without someone shitting from high up in a tree.

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That's my purse! I don't know you!

I'm distinctly bereft of ladders. Fuck.

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

Being crazy by yourself is pretty bad, but when another joins, the craziness doesn't simply double but explodes exponentially. No scenario could work out well.

Hopefully, this was a joke and you're not going anywhere near her.

You should get your aunt involved as well as HawaiiYou.

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"All crowds boycotting football games shouldn't care who sings or takes a knee because they aren't watching." - Nas

No, she's busy coming over while I sleep and giving me b&b metaphors for today. stake dinner boom cuz I claim #vampirehalloffame like http://tinyurl.com/soullessdigifunkvampire

Oh and atmosphere once made a song about her >>> https://youtu.be/qG8_yTgNvxQ >>> but he neglected to tell you about the part where you get the sanctity of your temporary-as-hell household violated by some trollop like truck stop Trixie (think problem child 2 here)

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Go hang out with the guy from Amboy in the Philippines

Looks like Ward is being hard on the Beaver again!

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

the story is slightly more believable than your run of the mill JDC social encounter

that's the last thread I read by this guy

hey guy/s/ let's stop fucking around:. I'm at the Wendy's @ Addison/western and this chick cases out all my friends and online contacts (as well she should cuz, duh, if you have the clearance to fuck with me you do that cuz I'm admiral James danger awesome sailing the high seas of adventure on the free scotch circuit of internet Wii Mario kart..... Oh and I was tossed a MK Ultra presidential model by the SS to be trained for --- wait for it --- https://youtu.be/yoYZf-lBF_U

she thinks she's the devil so to that I say http://tinyurl.com/matisenhauert666 (she's really a Howard, like Howard station Howard Street etc but see they're starting to learn from us [last name]s cuz like, you know, darkness came b4 the light. God/Satan = a coin fkipping through the air... It depends in whether you piss her off if you get god/Satan.

But hey, god is an imaginary superpower in the sky.... Ask Cornette.... And who the fuck would cook up a bullshit god story snd go as far to actually make her god to go LOL CHRISTIANITY/HOMOSEXUALS?!?!!! idk. Ask some Muslims if they're in the process of buying up your town and gentrifying the fuck out of it like they are in my town #thewallistokeeppeoplein #LOL #iwillshutupwhenigetmyhug

Indeed #godisawomanandsheowesmeahug

(Everyone can act all aghast at this msg but you know you're screaming out GO 2PAC / AND I AIN'T STOPPIN TIL I'M WELL PAID / BELLS RANG / NOW LOOK AT WHAT HELL MADE / VISIONS OF COPS AND SIRENS / NIGGAZ ROLLIN BY / A BUNCH OF THUG LIFE NIGGAZ ON THE RIDE / ASK ME WHY I'M A BOSS PLAYA GETTING HIGH / AND WHEN I'M ROLLING BY TERRY BOERS CAN SEE JOHN CENA!!!!!!!!!11

(she tipped me off to the Cena thing b4. See I'm https://youtu.be/eXK9ZeOVaUk but look she's like *thst voice* LOOK I'M KOOLER THAN JESUS TOO SEE I GOT A MIX TOO https://youtu.be/lISZi5o7Jpk =)

Yeah bitch, we tried it your way somewhere between 6-11 times snd look at how your little hippie liberal shufflin paradise turns out... It literally ends the world, or we get so sick of your bullshit we end the world snd go on to the next one cuz like the end of wargames you never learn >>> https://youtu.be/s93KC4AGKnY

corpo/realize sometime. "Righteous snd I might just never quit / cuz it's only to the will of Allah thst I submit" --- lateef the truth speaker (he don't lie. Try it sometime snd you might have better followers thsn a bunch of assclowns who look like a snocone machine exploded on top of their head. I offer classes/lessons for the small small price of one hug. so bring your gorgeous ass over and we'll see about appending the history books so they can spell the virgin Mary right: Mati.
<

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cool? You made me look like a mental patient in front of my friends so are you happy yet? Come to daddy /b/i/tch

http://tinyurl.com/maticalypse <<< 666 >>> http://tinyurl.com/maticalypse37 #alittlebitoftheolinandout #inputoutput #yinyangtwins #sacredchao #ordoabchao #chaosb4me #prophecide #143intheplace2be #ilovesmesomeyou #wyldstallynsRULE <<

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you dumb bitch seriously you shoulda been over b4 I ever found you on tinder. I'm your favorite human, now love me like an alien you dumbass E/T

SINCERELY,

# Mr. "Oh Shit It's Him" since appx 1997 and counting like https://youtu.be/odQgfUUegQI #chappelletoldya #killingemsoftly like https://youtu.be/6fgnwE1oOQc #yourelifeimdeathyoudumbass I'm emessiah, only *I* have the audacity to insert myself into things and make them better, even god/Satan Herself #dareyotofindout like TELL HER REDMAN >>> https://youtu.be/RL56nRp-lZc then #uhohitsthe2pacspecial >>> https://youtu.be/503eizG_Zjk

And yeah. Sorry I had to air out my dirty laundry dry here, but ol girl is an exhibitionist cuz all this "you can look but you can't touch" shit drove her mad cuz TELL EM NS
AITCH >>> https://youtu.be/_1LcJ6N9vwo

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The worst part = we've let her run the show somewhere between 6-11 times and she fucks it up every time. MY TURN BITCH!

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Yikes

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So what's the problem ?

I would think one would have learned by now... This thread is USELESS without pictures.

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"I honestly don't see a good bet on the board here."

I'm sure this is an incredibly difficult thing to do

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If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you son, I have 99 problems and a bitch ain't 1.

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On a scale of 1 to 5, I'm going to go ahead and award this post 4 chaspoppcaps: .

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Endless copypasta options with this dude.

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If the rule you followed lead you to this, of what use was the rule?

Is sinicalypse hallucinating that a prominent r/gonewild poster is stalking him?

EDIT: a little not-whatsoever-unwanted detective work shows that the poster in question is from the UK, not Chicago.

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Age of consent in the UK is 16. Get to posting a pic sini.

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Sorry to hear it sini. I don't really have any advice but wish you the best.