The Nosy Admin -

She is the center of the universe. She has been the secretary of the office for over two decades, and she's not taking any of your shit. In fact, she sees you as her subordinate, not because she is above you in the company hierarchy, but because she's been working for the "big boss" so long, he considers her indispensable. He hasn't ever learned how to use email simply because she is around to do it for him. She also knows everyone's birthday, everyone's children's names, and who is sleeping with who. She is well put-together except that, despite being 50 years old, she has been smoking for 75 years. Her skin is tinted yellow. Do not get on her bad side. And do not embarrass yourself at her annual Christmas get-together.

The Lazy Old Dog -

Another oddity - despite being 60 years old, he has actually been doing the job since Civil War times. He is well-respected of and everyone thinks he does a "good job" even though he actually stopped doing a good job just before the Great Depression. This is because any type of even incremental change is met with "Nope. Not doing it. They can fire me or I can retire." He is so adamant about this and is so easy to manage (because he just does his job without any drama) that no one has ever taken him to task for it. He gets into the office at 3:00 AM and is done working by just before lunch. But he'll hang around the rest of the day because he doesn't want to go home to his God-forsaken wife. If you ever need anything from him, start by saying "back in the old days, we never had to do this shit." Also, compliment his moustache.

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The Garbage Disposal -

The person who gets all the projects and work senior management doesn't want to do dumped on them at the last minute and then is expected to have them complete by close of business.

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My office has at least 10 lazy old dogs...easily

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The Corporate Linguist -

Always at the ready with a high level overview, this worker is an expert in "office speak" to a degree unlike any other. Any problem can be solved with an SBAR, full risk analysis, and a healthy helping of "All due respect." Often refers to his "past life" when providing examples that include his former employers, to which he will refer 100 times a year. Work-related concerns are always a failure of the process and not the person, and most definitely can be drilled down to poor throughput.

Holy shit that's spot on.

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The 12th Year Freshman

The guy who started years ago but is still near an entry level position. He constantly bitches about not getting ahead in the company despite never doing anything to make himself more marketable or worthy of a promotion. He puts in the minimum effort to not get fired but laments when other people move ahead of him. He also will never quit because knows he can be as lazy as he wants at the current job.

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Are they hiring?

Hammerhead Bob

Hammerhead Bob is the person in the office, usually an older guy, who absolutely has to share everything that is going on in his life with you. He comes over to your desk to interrupt you with a knock on the cube and an overly excited smile before he begins his one-sided discussion on the recent comments made by the President. He just hammers away on the topic while you try to do everything under your power to shut him up and get back to your work. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do. You put on headphones and he just talks louder. You walk into the bathroom only to find he has followed you to talk through the little crack in the stall doors. This is now your life.

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This guy doesn't sound all bad.

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Maybe...but I'd be the one training you...

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It’s gotta suck to work with people.

This thread makes me very glad to work at home.

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“When I walked in this morning, and saw the flag was at half mast, I thought 'alright another bureaucrat ate it.'" - Ron Swanson

It's interesting. I generally work remotely, but I actually miss the interaction with some of the office weirdos. I go in sometimes just to see what's going on.

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