A few months ago I had to call a plumber to fix my clogged tub.

In the process, we had to root the thing out through the sink, so I had to clean out the vanity.

In said vanity, I found a "beard brush". I googled it. I think its was one of those stocking stuffers that my grandmother gave me in my late teens as part of a grooming kit.

Seeing the beard brush made me immediately want to grow a beard so that I could use it, . . . and so I did.

So, I've been letting this beast grow, with minor trimming.

Anyhow, I've been living in bearded bliss the past 2 months, just enjoying my overbrush, and I never really noticed any different treatment. . .

That is, until I rolled up to Starbucks - BOOM! I'm in. I get the hippy nod. I get the stopper placed in my drink without even having to ask, and dude asks me if I want another pump of flavoring - GRATIS! Shit, the other day, the hippy barista chick gave my kid a free cake pop, probably just because her dad looked like he was "in the tie dye club". It wasn't even the end of the day.

But the biggest introduction to "the genre" came when we went to the good 'ole health food store to buy some scented oils for my daughter to put in her slime.

Every other time I ventured into this patchouli-smelling brick-and-mortar version of Lollapalooza, I was was always treated like a "suit". Ignored. Almost felt a bit of their contempt protruding out from pursed smiles while they pretended to look busy. No outstanding customer service, no inside info, and they even enforced the minimum to use a debit card for purchases.

Shit, all that is gone with my new beardbuddy.

The stankin', probabaly long armpit-hair-having lady runs right up to us as we enter the store, asking to help. Takes us to the spot, counsels us to get certain brands that are cheaper. Then we go to the register, and the older lady slams me with a huge regular customer discount, even though we are not reggies. That never happened before. THEN, since we are now presumable card-carrying members of the HippyClub, she instructs the other lady to give us a bunch of free test bottles of the oils. These things are like $15 a piece! HA!! NOT WHEN YOU'RE IN THE CLUB!!

Totally hooked up, and it was all because of the Beard.

And it gets better. I reach in my jacket to pay, and I realize that I grabbed the wrong jacket, and that my wallet was at home. Quickly, I remembered that I had my checkbook in the car. I ask, fully expecting them to say "no". Instead, they smilingly say, "SURE, NO PROBLEM!", and they allow me to write a personal check with not a shred of ID. On top of that, they gave my kid a handful of organic suckers. BOOM. This does not happen without my frizzy facebro. No fucking way. I'm in.

Shit, I'm looking to attend a hipster homemade beerfest now and REALLY test this fucker out!

Totally feels like this - no doubt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_LeJfn_qW0

My wife and I were laughing our asses off when I told her about this and showed her this video clip. (i.e. "Go ahead . . . Take it!")

Will report my future bearded exploits, infiltrating the ranks of the hippies and hipsters, but please share yours if you have them.

-PP

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

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I'm about an inch past that stage.

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

Sometimes it's the unexpected win that's the sweetest

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There are only two examples of infinity: The universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the universe.

Its like living a double life.

I forgot to mention, the other day, sitting in parent pickup area at my kid's volleyball practice, another dad whom I was chit-chatting with for a bit - younger dude in his early 30's and sporting a nice facerug of his own - starts talking to me about weed - just right out of the blue.

He saw the gruffness and must have just assumed that I was DWP! I was trying my hardest not to laugh about the episode while he was telling me some story about him getting a medical card or some shit.

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

Shame on all of you for taking this long with the obligatory BY CRACKY!

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I'm sure this dude has gone undercover a few times:

_________________
I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

you get some stank on that face pussy?

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Mrs. Panthro is not a big fan of the coochmunch, so its been a while since I have spoken to Colonel Angus.

Probably almost 16 years I'd say lol.

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

Ah yes, Colonel Angus. I believe he provides a steady diet of fiber in the form of flesh lettuce and protein in the from of beef curtains.

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Consider yourself outed.

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Elections have consequences.

5' 9"?

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Sex isn't dirty, sex isn't a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

-Hank Kingsley

Not even Aaron Rodgers has a beard that long, Fursty Whale.

_________________
I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

Okay, Operation Hippiebeard has suddenly come to a close.

Just booked a couple big client meetings for the upcoming week, and I need to look slick. Wife threw in some incentives if I agreed to get the deed done early.

It was nice while it lasted!

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

I grew mine out at the end last year and within 4 or 5 days after leaving the barbershop I looked like a homeless man in the face. It became too much to try to maintain so I chopped it off.

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Be well

GO BEARS!!!