I read this book the other day that I would wholeheartedly recommend to all cops, its called
Verbal Judo by Thomas and Jenkins.
The main gist is that:
-People feel the need to be respected
-People would rather be asked than told
-People have a desire to know why
-People prefer to have options over threats
-People want to have a second chance
In it, one of the authors relates this amusing anecdote from when he was on the force:
Quote:
It was the most outrageous way to bust up a fight that I had ever seen. I'd been a rookie cop ten days when my partner got the call. At two a.m. we were dispatched to break up a nasty domestic dispute in a tenement on the east side of Emporia, Kansas, notorious for drug dealing and random violence.
We could hear the couple's vicious, mouth-to-mouth combat from the street. My training sargent and partner, Bruce Fair, and I approached and peeked through the half open door. Then Bruce just walked in without bothering to knock. I watched as he strode right past the warring couple, took off his uniform cap, sighed, and planted himself on the couch, Ignoring the argument, he picked up a newspaper and thumbed through the classifieds!
Leaning against the door with my hand on the butt of my .357, I was flabbergasted. Bruce seemed to violate all the rules of police procedure. I had never seen him entering a house without identifying himself, without asking permission, or without at least saying why he was there. There he was treating an angry couple in a tenement apartment as if he were a visiting uncle.
Bruce kept reading and the couple kept arguing, occasionally glancing at the cop on their couch. They had yet to notice me. As the man cursed his wife, Bruce rattled the newspaper. "Folks. Folks! Excuse me! Over here!"
The stunned husband flashed a double take. "What are you doing here?"
Bruce said, "You got a phone? Look here. A 1950 Dodge! Cherry condition! Can I borrow your phone? I know its late but I don't want to miss out on this. Where's your phone? I need to call right now!"
The husband pointed at the phone, incredulous. Bruce rose and dialed, then mumbled into the phone. He slammed it down, "Can you believe they wouldn't talk to be because its two in the morning?"
By now the fight had evaporated, the couple standing there as dumbfounded as I was. "By the way," Bruce said pleasantly, as if just becoming aware, "Is anything the matter here? Anything my partner and I can do for you?"
The husband and wife looked at the floor and shook their heads. "Not really , no." We chatted with them a bit, reminding them that it was late and that everyone around would appreciate a little peace and quiet. Soon we were on our way.
Then I was really puzzled. Earlier that night we had broken up a similar dispute in the classic cop fashion. We quickly took control with police authority, performed what's known as a "separate and suture" (where warring parties are separated, calmed, and then brought back together), and diffused the situation. That was the way I had been trained, so what was this new twist?
I mean, as a former English professor who had taught Milton and Shakespeare for ten years, I'd seen some ingenious twists of plot. But a cop taming two animals by intruding as a rude but friendly guest? Bruce had forced those people to play host to him whether or not they wanted to.
As soon as we were back in the squad car I asked him, "What in the world was that all about? Why did we separate and suture earlier and pull this crazy newspaper-and-telephone gag just now?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I've been on the street more'n ten years. You just learn."