This one is easy for me.

When I was in about 4th grade, I was out selling my TrailsEnd Popcorn for Cub Scouts when I came upon a house down my block. When I rang the doorbell, the most beautiful-looking blonde young woman answered the door, wearing nothing but a mens white dress shirt, with maybe 1 or 2 buttons buttoned.

She was so nice, and so beautiful. She immediately ordered some popcorn from me.

As I went to hand her a pen and my clipboard, she leaned over, and I could see EVERYTHING.

I mean EVERYTHING. It was amazing. She was amazing.

I had to know that she knew, too. She was just so damn sexy and gorgeous.

Looking back on it, she may not have even lived there, but she sure signed whomever did live there up for some expensive gourmet popcorn. I always walked by that house for years after that and never saw her again.

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

I saw a nipple at a Cards game once.

I also seduced a pizza delivery guy.

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-- source

I got kicked in the nuts and some chick wearing skin tight latex laughed at me.

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When I was in my mid-30s I was being pursued by a 19 year old. I just thought she was ridiculously young for me, but it was certainly difficult to resist. I was doing my best until she shoved me down on the bed and got astride me. She said, "Just wait until I get the big guns out" and started taking off her shirt. I'm sure those are the only all natural Double Es I've ever seen in my life. And that's how I ended up with a teenage girlfriend for awhile.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

This thread has promise.

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Hawaii (fuck) You

It was going to be a late day at the office. Our HTML directory had become mixed up with the sectors that control the server farm. We were sunk.

Becky and I would have to spend the entire evening loading 8 1/2 inch floppy disks into the hard drive. This was going to take forever. "What a bitch" I exclaimed. Becky sat up straight in her airfoil office chair. "Not you" I said with a laugh "This assignment is going to take all night." I'll be up until 3 in the morning doing it.

"I wish I could have a man that would stay up until 3 in the morning doing it" Becky said. She was a heck of a tease. I told her that if she stayed here with me I would do my best to keep it going. Becky thought that would be fun. We quickly grabbed the bottle of French bourbon that I keep in my desk for late night work.

After a few drinks and few floppy disks had been magnafluxed we were having a good time. Becky wanted to talk about which of the office girls had the nicest breasts. Everyone in the office knew that Becky did. I guess she was just insecure. I told her that I thought she had the nicest breasts in the office. Becky asked if I wanted to see them. "I sure do" I said. Becky unbuttoned her blouse and let her breast free. They were fantastic. She was probably about 110 lbs and 36-24-42DD with Oreolas the size of a silver dollar.

Becky's long dark hair was sexy as well. She had undone her hair it was draping down by her chest. I love long haired women and Becky sure was beautiful. We started to kiss very passionately. Her tongue was exploring the inside of my mouth and it was really turning me on.

I started to undress Becky. I took off her panties, then her panty hose, her skirt, and then her belt. Finally, I removed her shoes and licked her toes while I did it. Becky was in full heat now. Her juicy pussy was waiting for me.

"Rub my cerebellum" Becky said. I did. I rubbed that moist knob until she really started to purr. Then I used my fingers to spread her uvula and put another finger inside her the walls of her angina. She was really ready for me now. I pulled out my cock and stuffed it inside her sugar walls. She really started to buck and moan as I drove her crazy. Her pleasure really set me off and I could feel the seaman rush through my corroded artery.

The next time I have to reboot a linux I hope that Cindy stays late with me again.

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Elections have consequences.

I banged a chick in one of those display sheds in front of Lowe's.

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When I was about 20, I ended up dating my bosses ex for a few months. It was stupid, but fun for a while. One time we did it in the back room of the now defunct Papa John's that used to be on Pulaski just north of 123rd St. She was the manager, I was the delivery driver.

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Oh geesh...Oreolas? LOL Urban Dictionary is the first hit on the Google machine.

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Hawaii (fuck) You

That's definitely porn-like. I hope you celebrated with a pizza.

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She ordered the Italian Sausage and was given a tip on delivery.

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Hawaii (fuck) You

It was also very Maury like

My boss and her had a kid together, and after a few weeks assuming everything was going great, I found out that I was not the only employee that she was banging in that back room.

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Pittmike...
What the hell was that?

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

If it was fake, it was still good enough for a Penthouse write-in entry. Oh the visuals...

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Hawaii (fuck) You

I came

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Dear CFSMB,

I know this sounds crazy and I would never believe it myself but...

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

For my birthday a few years back, my wife* surprised me with tickets to a Kabuki restaging of Macbeth

Or so we thought...

[*I should mention that my wife is hilariously dyslexic.]

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

In my 20s I went out of town on a business trip. Met a lady in her 30s. She did not have the best face, but had a body that was great. She flirted with me all night. We ended up back at her place and fucked several times. Found out the next morning that she was married/separated and getting revenge on her husband who had fucked a girl at his office. Never saw her again, but will forever remember that night.

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

Dennis is right. Just grabbed an old Forum letter.

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Elections have consequences.

Joined the mile high club with a flight attendant...God I miss Mexicana.

When I was in my mid 30's I willingly dated a 19 year old German au pair. Over 18, no ethical dilemna for me at all. As I used to tell my friends, it was me getting reparations for the Holocaust.

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Dude, you know that's not your best porn-like story!

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We may be surrounded by beauty, but there's some evil stuff that's gonna come out soon.

Euphemism.

Geez, your eyes still give me nightmares. Put those things away.

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I once set an appointment for an annual physical with my regular doctor. I entered the lobby of the building and instinctively reached for the elevator call button paying no attention to the people around me. Another hand was reaching for the button at the same time. I had a stressful day in my job in high finance and prepared to verbally assault the infringement in my space...but this hand was different. It's milky skin and soft curves had a calming effect on my primitive anger and instead of attacking, I apologized. As I looked from the hand the face I saw the most magnificent, raven haired beauty. She smiled at serendipitous meeting of our hands as the elevator doors opened. I offered for her to enter first and the intoxicating aura of her perfume wafted to my nose as she moved past. She pressed the button for floor 69 of the sleek office tower. MY FLOOR AS WELL! I made small talk about our commonalities as the elevator rose to our ultimate destination. She engaged enthusiastically. As we got off the elevator I playfully told her that I would see her later, knowing our flirtatious moment had ended. I had to use the bathroom before I entered the doctors office with no expectation of ever seeing her again.

When I checked in at the office I could feel the tension of my very profitable day rising again. My old family doctor, Dr. James, had taken an unscheduled vacation day. However, the nurse told me that he had recently taken on a new associate partner who would be handling Dr. James' appointments, if I felt comfortable being examined by a new doctor. I DID NOT feel comfortable, but I had a trip to Macau scheduled that demanded the physical be done immediately. The nurse told me Dr. Reubenstein would see me and that I should enter room number two, remove my clothes and put on the gown. I complied as I thought an old battle axe like Dr. Rubenstein would be able to move me along and out in a few minutes.

I dutifully removed my clothes and tied the hospital gown up just as I heard a knock on the door. Old battle axe Dr. Rubenstein was my Raven haired beauty from the elevator....

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Short and sweet

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The summer after I graduated high school I had a party when my parents left town. I had a really good fake ID and was able to score all the booze with minimal hassle. My one buddy didn’t respond when I told him that I would grab his liquor for him so he missed out. Knowing that I could score some additional “party favors” if I had some extra booze to offer up I dutifully stocked up. My buddy showed up with his girlfriend who was hot as hell,but he had no booze for him or his chick. He offered to let me bang his chick (he was getting ready to break it off anyway) if he and she could just drink from my stash. Obviously I couldn’t bang her if she wasn’t into it,luckily for me she was all in. We banged three times that night and pretty much on and off for the rest of that summer. Funny thing is they ended up getting married a few years later. It ended up costing me a bottle of goldschlager and a twelve pack of red wolf beer. Best $16 I have ever spent.

thats what he said, not what she said

Before I got married..........I,uh fuck,I forgot.

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

His dick?

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Hawaii (fuck) You