Kirkwood, we need to set up a meeting to discuss strategy on how to effectively deal with your issues so we can move forward in the best interests of the enterprise as a whole.

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What if s/he had scheduled a series of conference calls instead?

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Wife "accidentally" deleted several episodes of The High Chaparral from the dvd player. And this comes during Father's Day Week.

St least it wasn’t The Virginian

Ol girl know better

had some tightness in the chest last year. freaked out a bit. got a stress test done. was told by a practitioner there was an abnormality and had some blockage and to be careful otherwise they'd have to put in a stint possibly. could continue to do whatever, eat whatever but to keep an eye on these symptoms. so the entire year since, i've been eating out of healthier trash cans and what not. any time i get tight chest, i'm assuming this is the end but eventually it goes away. but the anxiety doesn't. but i'm stubborn, i'm not going to the ER to be told its nothing.

So i also just had my year after check up at cardiologist. the actual doctor comes in, goes, well you passed the stress test with flying colors, your ekg then looks textbook, which must mean that abnormality is actually a false positive. why are you here? i tell him that the practitioner told me i had to be careful or next step was an angiogram! He was like, well she shouldn't have, you are in perfect heart healthy according to 99% of the information. which means to me that 1% is a false positive. you've got GERD.

for the last year, i've been assuming any moment i could fall over from a heart attack.

and i told him that a few months back i went to gastro and it is indeed GERD and a Hiatal Hernia. He told me to not schedule another appt with him.

hnd with a positive complain about. nice.

Needed the laugh. Damn dryer went out. Didn't realize it until I washed a load. (Another was in the dryer)Since the youngest is around, I said fuck it and washed another, so he's carrying the clean, damp clothes to the car and laundromat.

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There are only two examples of infinity: The universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the universe.

I really don't get the song "Owner Of A Lonely Heart."

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"All crowds boycotting football games shouldn't care who sings or takes a knee because they aren't watching." - Nas

Getting carpet installed in a bedroom today. Got a call yesterday to let me know that I am the second job. Guy might be there by 11 or
maybe noon.... could be as late as 2pm. Uh, thanks..... At least I can be in the office half the day. When I bought the carpet on Monday
I was told they could be at my house anytime between 8am and 4pm.

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

They're running the sprinklers in the Mecca. Yes, they actually have sprinklers running this morning to keep our beautiful corporate campus grass green.

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Hawaii (fuck) You

I'm with you, newper. What's all this "ownership" shit? We don't need no neurohierachy here; each organ owns itself. Thank you for pointing this out. Also: I manned the drums for Yes from '68-77.

Update:

Was working at our offsite warehouse, just set my phone down and put on my work gloves and the phone rings. Guy says he will be at my
house in 20 minutes. It is 8:15 am. Luckily I work about 5 minutes from home so I head back. They get the carpet installed, which was a
remnant piece. Everything looks pretty good except there is a black mark on the tan carpet that runs the length of the room. Guy tells me
he put some shampoo on it to try to clean it. We never had the remnant unfurled to look at completely. I am a little surprised the installer
didn't at least mention it to me before putting it down but there isn't much I can do about it now. I send a pic to my wife and she is livid.
Just perfect....

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

The whole time or just in and around the lake?

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"All crowds boycotting football games shouldn't care who sings or takes a knee because they aren't watching." - Nas

The whole time, in a roundabout way

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"All crowds boycotting football games shouldn't care who sings or takes a knee because they aren't watching." - Nas

^^ Worth watching....

Good westerns.

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An Ode to the Texas man who shot an Antifa terrorist:

Oh, he might have went on livin'
But he made one fatal slip
When he tried to match the Ranger
With the big iron on his hip

I've been waiting 5 hours now for this guy to make a draft pick in our dynasty hockey league. He's a good owner and usually timely. We have a 12 hour window but no one ever uses it. He logged on a couple hours ago and then again over an hour ago and said he would be making his pick shortly.

I have now had 4 beers and a glass of whiskey. I have read probably a dozen scouting reports on Jonathan Berggren who I am going to pick at 22 in spite of him going 33 in the draft. As soon as I finish this beer I am going to bed.

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Lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine be.

Triggering some truly horrendous parody threads.

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Would.

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I forgot to put on my wedding ring this morning.

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This has to be the longest fantasy draft I have ever heard of.

Shouldn't be a big deal, unless your wife found it and wants to kill you for forgetting it...and considering she's pregnant, maybe you want to wear a helmet home...

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I was at an upper ages little league game this week. I was sitting far down the line past the outfielders so I could sit in my own comfortable seat and have my bare tootsies in the grass. The two coaches hate each other. They are both the types who have printed rules on the sideline ready to make an issue for the most minor infraction. This was a night game with no lights so times a wastin and they had argued into a game getting timed out earlier in the season. This is the playoffs.

So it starts about the second inning, then the third... The sun is setting and my pleasant disposition starts to turn as they argue bat rules for 15+ minutes while calling the commissioner. Eventually I start yelling "BORING! BORING!". I see the opponent coach pointing at me so I waved. Fuck that, I'm not the bad guy here. So then I yelled that I didn't pay my fee to watch coaches argue as the sun sets. Eventually my side coach gets it and just agrees to move along with the game possibly under protest.

No one said anything to me as I've had kids in that program and coached on every level for more than a decade without incident. I'm happy to do my little bit if the shaming of their stupidity got the game finished.

Let the kids play.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Little league baseball is the worst.

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An Ode to the Texas man who shot an Antifa terrorist:

Oh, he might have went on livin'
But he made one fatal slip
When he tried to match the Ranger
With the big iron on his hip

over the years of going to kid's baseball games, this seems to be more and more an occurrence. a few weeks back i watched a coach in pool play call out another team for skipping a hitter because the hitter was sick and they'd left. apparently in league and pool play this is pretty much the typical thing everyone lets slide, but they called the commish over and he was like if they want to enforce the rule i guess they can. it was the 3rd out, game over, they win. We just got in on the last part of that whole ordeal because they weren't the teams we came to watch.


a few hours later, we are playing that team in the losers bracket. last inning they have a runner on 2nd. 2 outs. they are down 1. our coach realizes that the guy on 2nd base is the kid that got subbed out for the kid who hit. so he is like hold on there is no re-entry or some crap i wasn't paying attention. the guy is like the hitter tweaked his ankle, comeon...just let them play, i then shout from my chair "A FEW HOURS AGO YOU ENDED A GAME BECAUSE THEY SKIPPED A BATTER, GAME OVER LETS GO" and he turns and tells me to shut my fucking mouth and i burst into laughter. of course the ump and commish are now getting screamed at as my buddy who's coaching has all the kids walk off the field and line up to shake hands with the other kids. all the while this guy is going ballistic while i'm laughing obnoxiously fending off the elbows and slaps from my wife.

afterwards my buddy was like, any other guy/team, i'd be like no problem keep playing but that asshole does this shit all the time.

My 3 YO daughter told another kid at day care she was going to kill her.

SomeGuy would have been so proud, though.

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Your new attitude has consequences.

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