Damn, I get the text from Mizz Pizz.

Oven stopped working! Its not getting hot!

So, when I was a younger man, I just looked in the phone book for stove repair and called the guy over.


But now? After I have 5 confirmed Mouse kills on my Man Card Record?

Fuck. We doin' this.

So, first, I get the serial number of this bitch, do some Googling, some youtubing, and then I call my buddy, an HVAC guy by trade, but he has done this stuff before I figured. Anyhow, he sets me straight, tells me its either the igniter or the gas valve, and he gave me a few things to look for to ID each (i.e. if you see igniter glow, but nothing clicks or turns on, no gas, its the igniter not getting hot enough, etc.).

So I order the part from Amazon. Fucker was like 45 bucks.

I wait two days, and it comes.

So I gather a bunch of tools and formulate a little plan: I am just going to cut the wires on the old one and splice the wires from the new igniter to it, cap it with the ceramic caps and, Boom - done. . .

. . . However.

I went and got the wire stripper tool. The first strip went perfect, so I spliced the two wires together - Voila! The second? I didn't quite like the fit of the ceramic cap, so I decided to re-cut the wires. So, I went to stri- Fuck. I fuckin' pulled the fuckin' wire out of the fuckin' wall (or so I had thought). Ugh. Fuck. looks like this 5 minute job is going to take a bit longer.

So I fucked with this thing for an hour before I had to get my kid to practice. An hour. While my fucking refrigerator was probably spoiling all my food because the oven and the fridge are on the same breaker that I had to trip to work on this thing without getting set on my ass. Man, this was fucked.

At first I could see the wire, so I figured it would be easy if I had a tweeze- hey! I actually have a mosquito tool somewhere! That would be perfect. So I go and grab the mosquito tool. I fish it in there - ok. .. here is the wire fragment, I've - fuck, its not grabbing it - what the fu-?!

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, the fucking mosquito tool is broken (fuck), one end of the needle nose clamp hanging off to the side. Shit. And in fucking with it, something happened to the wire wherein I cannot even see it or feel it when I stick my finger in there. Fuck.

So I get to opening up a hatch in this thing where I can manually comb through this thick ass insulation shit, and after what seemed like 15 minutes, I actually found the damn wire. Miraculously. I did NOT want to take this fucker apart from the back, and there is no fucking way I was going to call anybody at this point. So, I carefully stripped and fished through the wire, and

BAM!

Another Man Card item checked off.

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

My oven never gets hot.

My wife orders out.

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

Igniters are usually just two screws.

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I changed my igniter this summer. Took me about 10 minutes.

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Wow.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

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Maybe Panther isn't The Hawk after all...

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Another blue-collar guy loses his job.

I'm proud of you.

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Sex isn't dirty, sex isn't a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

-Hank Kingsley

Panther...did you find your coke stash?

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No stimulants for me, homey.

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

High on life, huh?

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i've not had a repair person to the house doing out of warranty work since youtube has existed.

No doubt.

I think I am addicted to youth sports. With all 3 kids now in multiple activities, there's no time for anything else, really.

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

Hey Panther,
I'm the guy handing out the Friggin' MAN CARDS!


JK,I'm not handy either.

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

If you're not handy, then why the fuck is your palm on my balls?

_________________
I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

Get the kids in to bowling...good scholarship money out there that no one talks about. I know you were rocking the comeback a few years ago...

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From choking your throat?

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

Why would my balls be in my own throat? I'm not as old as you, Jimmy SaggySack!

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I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

my flames are weak, what the hell is the problem there? The master valve from out of the wall is wide open.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

Because you tried really hard?

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

Dante: Thanks for putting me in such a tough spot. You're a good friend.
Randal: She was pretty young, huh?
Dante: Twenty-two. Just like us.
Randal: An embolism in a pool.
Dante: What an embarrassing way to die.
Randal: That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.
Dante: How'd he die?
Randal: He broke his neck.
Dante: That's embarrassing?
Randal: He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.
Dante: Shut the hell up.
Randal: I swear.
Dante: Stop it.
Randal: Bible truth.
Dante: Oh, my God.
Randal: Come on. Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick?
Dante: No!
Randal: Yeah, right. You're so repressed.
Dante: Because I never tried to suck my own dick?
Randal: No, because you won't admit to it. As if a guy's a fucking pervert because he tries to go down on himself. You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it.
Dante: Who found him?
Randal: My cousin? My aunt found him. It was a mess. He was on his bed, with his legs doubled over himself. My aunt freaked out.
Dante: Man, he had his dick in his mouth?
Randal: Yeah. Balls resting on his lips.
Dante: Wow! He really made it.
Randal: Yeah, but at what a price?
Dante: I could never reach.
Randal: Reach what?
Dante: You know.
Randal: What, your dick?
Dante: Yeah, like you said. I guess everyone gets curious and tries it sometime.
Randal: I never tried it. Fucking pervert.

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Daughter already has some scholarship money built up from the kid's league she used to be in (there is some Illinois Program that they got enrolled into as part of the registration), but she is too deep into basketball, volleyball, etc. right now to bowl anymore.

_________________
I like thinking big. . . If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big.
-Donald J. Trump, BPE

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Now, THAT was funny

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An Ode to the Texas man who shot an Antifa terrorist:

Oh, he might have went on livin'
But he made one fatal slip
When he tried to match the Ranger
With the big iron on his hip

Going forward, save your orange peels, grapefruit peels, lime, lemon, etc. Basically all of your citrus. Then you take a sheet pan (line with foil for easy cleanup) then toss your peels with about 1T of vegetable oil. Set oven to 450 and let it sit in there for 30 minutes. The natural rhybozomes from the citrus family contain the alkaline neohesperidin which will help keep your igniter free of impurities going forward. Do this a couple of times a year.

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"All crowds boycotting football games shouldn't care who sings or takes a knee because they aren't watching." - Nas

That's two more screws than he's gotten the past two years.