What are your go-to's?

I'll usually ask where someone grew up or if they're working hard or hardly working.

_________________

How’s it hanging? Followed by a limp wristed handshake, and then noticeably wiping my hands on my pants so I don’t retain any germs from the other human.

_________________

I loathe small talk with people I dont know well. It's torture for someone with social anxiety.

I usually go with the weather or sports though.

I've noticed lately I go with weather, but I became self-conscious yesterday on the elevator. I sounded like a complete douchebag trying to make small talk about how it wasn't hot or cold yesterday but in-between. The guy in the elevator with me looked like he couldn't wait for the doors to open.

_________________

I don't believe in small talk. Either we are cool and have shit to talk about or we aren't and I got other shit to do.

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

I ask them what they do for a living.

_________________

What if it's unavoidable? Like you are walking with a co-worker to go perform some sort of task, and the room you are going to is on the other side of the building?

_________________

I ask them how often they replace their windshield wiper blades.

I check to see if they are a nationalist and plan my next move based on their answer.

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

I'll say "good morning" to a young woman in line or in the elevator and they quickly avert their eyes and pretend I'm not there.

_________________
Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

Early childhood socialization is fascinating. What famous children attended your preschool?

I usually start by asking if they know what JoeOrr does for a living?

_________________
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

This is lame thus far.

Does anyone start talking about sex during small talk?

_________________

whistler does.

But it is kinda funny that you started a thread about small talk and then complained it was boring

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

don't initiate small talk. prefer to give the white people smile

https://streamable.com/pf892

I thought this topic would light up the board!

_________________

That smile is 100% you amigo

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

Man, I totally do that. What a douchebag I am.

_________________

I do it too. Especially to people who look creepy.

_________________

Those folks get a wink, a smirk and a head nod.

Sometimes, particularly around women, I will adjust myself and say something like "man, there's just not enough room to park this thing."

_________________

WHy NOTT LitE YOUr SeLF UP fIRST ! ?!

_________________
Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

_________________

Never knew you were Episcopalian.

_________________
Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

I sometimes do the Airplane lines about Turkish prisons and Gladiator movies.

I ask them if they want to play Devil's Triangle.

_________________
Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

The trend at work is to immediately skip the "How's it going?" and jump right to the "Good, You?" , usually in the caricature deep, Texas-twanged voice of the one guy who started it years ago. Especially effective if you happen to run into him (inside corner office by the elevator).

If it is someone outside the small, broken circle of coworkers who would understand, I usually use: "Can I have 10,000 marbles please?" or "Do you have $52?".

Often my ogre-like appearance and barnyard musk are enough to avoid verbal greetings

I notice if they are wearing a Bears jacket and then start talking about the Bears to them.

_________________
"All crowds boycotting football games shouldn't care who sings or takes a knee because they aren't watching." - Nas

How much do you earn? How much do you have in the bank? Do you think you will die alone?

_________________
You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!