Gym? What’s a gym? Ooohhhh, a gyyyymm.

_________________
-- source

- Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.

- You know, when I was a little girl I always dreamed of being in a Broadway audience.

- Lisa, Vampires are make-believe. Like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

**

Quick, we have to kill the boy!

How'd you know he was a vampire?

He's a vampire! Aaaahhh!

**

- I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian Consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 auto-gyro?

**

See? I told you Mr. Burns has changed. See?

Lisa, nobody likes a gloater. Right, Homey?

Uh-huh.

See?

**

- I must get back to my comic book store. Where I dispense the insults, rather than absorb them.

**

Hey, Marge! What's your favorite radio station? ...

... Well, Marge?

What?

What's your favorite radio station?

You're way off. Think smaller, and more legs.

My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it!

_________________

“Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”

“Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.”

“Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy’s piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure…not even close.”

_________________

Don't quit your day job, Chief...whatever that is.

_________________
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty." I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles…

_________________

"I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T"

_________________

Sign’s floatin’ away, Chief.

Doh! Stupid sexy Flanders!


Marge, a gun isn't a weapon, its a tool. Like a harpoon. Or an alligator.

_________________

_________________
“Mr. Trump is unfit for our nation’s highest office.”- JD Vance
“My god, what an !diot.”- JD Vance tweet on Trump
“I’m a ‘Never Trump’ guy”- JD Vance

_________________
“Mr. Trump is unfit for our nation’s highest office.”- JD Vance
“My god, what an !diot.”- JD Vance tweet on Trump
“I’m a ‘Never Trump’ guy”- JD Vance

Moe: I got a hot date tonight.
Lie Detector: *buzz*
Moe: A date.
Lie Detector: *buzz*
Moe: Dinner with a friend.
Lie Detector: *buzz*
Moe: Dinner alone.
Lie Detector: *buzz*
Moe: Watching TV alone.
Lie Detector: *buzz*
Moe: Alright! I’m going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria’s Secret catalog.
Lie Detector: *buzz*
Moe: Sears catalog.
Lie Detector: *ding*
Moe: Would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of treatment.
Lie Detector: *buzz*


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQGwrK_yDEg

**************

Princpal Skinner: Up yours, children!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRIbogQPKws

The suspect is hatless. Repeat: hatless

_________________
Successful calls:

Kyrie Irving will never win anything as a team's alpha: check
T.rubisky is a bust: check
Ben Simmons is a liability: check
The Fields Cult is dumb: double check

2013 CSFMB ROY

So, is there a good line in the show after 2000?

No love for "spider pig, spider pig, does what a spider pig does"?

_________________
You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

- Linguo...dead?
- Linguo...is...dead.

or

You keep using words like "pasghetti" and "momatoes." You make numerous threatening references to the UN, and at the end, you repeat the words "Screw Flanders" over and over.

_________________

No.

_________________
Why are only 14 percent of black CPS 11th-graders proficient in English?

Mr. Burns: "What act of unmitigated evil shall the Republican Party undertake this week?"

_________________
“Mr. Trump is unfit for our nation’s highest office.”- JD Vance
“My god, what an !diot.”- JD Vance tweet on Trump
“I’m a ‘Never Trump’ guy”- JD Vance

Hall of famer Whitey Ford now on the field pleading with the crowd for some kind of sanity.

Uh-oh and a barrage of pretzels now knocking Whitey unconscious.

_________________

You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate. And re-vulcanize my tires, post haste.

_________________

These are all great and all from like seasons 4-9. Hahahaha

_________________

Bart Simpson: "Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing absolutely nothing?"
Grampa Simpson: "I figured because the democrats were in power again."

_________________
“Mr. Trump is unfit for our nation’s highest office.”- JD Vance
“My god, what an !diot.”- JD Vance tweet on Trump
“I’m a ‘Never Trump’ guy”- JD Vance

_________________
Successful calls:

Kyrie Irving will never win anything as a team's alpha: check
T.rubisky is a bust: check
Ben Simmons is a liability: check
The Fields Cult is dumb: double check

2013 CSFMB ROY

That's not God, that's just a waffle Bart tossed up there.

_________________
Successful calls:

Kyrie Irving will never win anything as a team's alpha: check
T.rubisky is a bust: check
Ben Simmons is a liability: check
The Fields Cult is dumb: double check

2013 CSFMB ROY

Mmmmmmm.... Sacrilicious.

Marge: Bart, I hope you’re going straight to the principal about this.
Bart: I guess I could do that.
Homer: What?! And violate the code of the schoolyard? I'd rather Bart die.
Marge: What on earth are you talking about, Homer?
Homer: The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. "Don’t tattle." "Always make fun of those different from you." "Never say anything unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do."

***************

Bleeding Gums Murphy: You know you play pretty well for someone with no real problems.
Lisa: Yeah, but I don't feel any better.
Bleeding Gums Murphy: The Blues isn’t about feeling better. It's about making other people feel worse. And making a few bucks while you're at it.

**************

Principal Skinner: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson. We have transcended incorrigible. I don’t think suspension or expulsion will do the trick. I think it behooves us all to consider deportation.
Marge: Deportation? You mean kick Bart out of the country?
Homer: Hear him out, Marge.

***************

Robber: Hand over all your money in a paper bag.
Apu: Yes yes. I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.

***************

Lisa: I can't think of a better place to spend a balmy summer's night than the old ball yard. There's just the green grass of the outfield, the crushed brick of the infield, and the white chalk lines that divide the man from the little boy.
Homer: (chuckles) Lisa, honey. You're forgetting the beer. It comes in 72-ounce tubs here.
Marge: I hope you'll space out the tubs this year, Homer.
Homer: What are you getting at?
Marge: Well, last year you got a little rambunctious and mooned the poor umpire.
Homer: Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right... no, the duty... to make a complete ass of myself.
Marge: Mmmph.

***************

Roger Meyers, Jr.: (reading the letters) I don't believe this. I will never watch your show by any of your products, or brake if I see you crossing the street? Wow that's cold. (the camera moves onto to a whole bunch of letters sent by angry parents). Dear Sleaze Merchant. Oh come on! That hurts. Gentlemen, the screwballs have spoken.

***************

Marge: I guess one person can make a difference, but most of the time, they probably shouldn't.

Blind Willie Witherspoon: I’ve been playing jazz for thirty years and I just can’t make a go of it. I want you to have my saxophone.

Bleeding Gums Murphy: This isn’t a saxophone, it’s an umbrella.

Blind Willie Witherspoon: So I’ve been playing an umbrella for thirty years? Why didn’t anybody tell me?

Bleeding Gums Murphy: We all thought it was funny.

_________________

Homer: Hmm, I wonder why he's so eager to go to the garage...

Moe: The garage! Hey fellas, the garage. Well, ooh la de da mister Frenchman.

Homer: Well, what do you call it?

Moe: A carhole.

*************************************************

Automated Phone Message: The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.

*************************************************

Krusty: Kent, the young people today, they think comedy is dirty words. It's not, it's words that sound dirty, like mukluk.

_________________
"Now comes good sailing. Moose. Indian."