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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 8:37 am 
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T-Bone wrote:
Put an offer on a house over the weekend and it was accepted. Now begins the whole moving process and selling my own house. Obviously self inflicted but still a pain in the ass.

Where are you moving?

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 8:53 am 
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Frank Coztansa wrote:
My MIL is having some serious issues. I think this is time #4 (or maybe 5, I've lost count) into rehab. Its causing friction between my wife and I. After six years of her nonsense, I am unable and unwilling to support her this time round. She was told if she does this again, our son will have one grandmother and I'm willing to hold that bottom line. Nobody else is willing to hold theirs and its very sad, frustrating, and makes me hurt and quite angry.

Its really fucking awful when the biggest problem in a marriage is a third party. I don't even know what to do or say anymore.

That sucks Frank. Been there with family issues before. It is really tough. Ultimately your wife and you need to agree that your relationship and your son is priority 1. But getting to that point can be awful. I have been through about every inlaw problem imaginable....if you need to vent feel free to PM me.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 8:54 am 
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Frank Coztansa wrote:
My MIL is having some serious issues. I think this is time #4 (or maybe 5, I've lost count) into rehab. Its causing friction between my wife and I. After six years of her nonsense, I am unable and unwilling to support her this time round. She was told if she does this again, our son will have one grandmother and I'm willing to hold that bottom line. Nobody else is willing to hold theirs and its very sad, frustrating, and makes me hurt and quite angry.

Its really fucking awful when the biggest problem in a marriage is a third party. I don't even know what to do or say anymore.

It doesn't matter what line is drawn. It is moot. The MIL is moot. You have zero control. Support your wife. Play the outcomes in your head if you don't believe me. There's no honor in being the "I told you so" guy.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 9:02 am 
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Frank Coztansa wrote:
My MIL is having some serious issues. I think this is time #4 (or maybe 5, I've lost count) into rehab. Its causing friction between my wife and I. After six years of her nonsense, I am unable and unwilling to support her this time round. She was told if she does this again, our son will have one grandmother and I'm willing to hold that bottom line. Nobody else is willing to hold theirs and its very sad, frustrating, and makes me hurt and quite angry.

Its really fucking awful when the biggest problem in a marriage is a third party. I don't even know what to do or say anymore.
That sucks Frank. Sorry to hear it.

Unless there is a danger presented to the child or you or your wife I don't know if you can unilaterally cut her out of the lives of your kid and wife. Obviously you could say no alone time or driving in the car but it would ultimately be a decision your wife would have to make on her own with your suggestion.

Obviously I can only go based on your description but for as much as it sucks for you it needs to be a group decision for the good of your immediate family.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 9:06 am 
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Douchebag wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
Put an offer on a house over the weekend and it was accepted. Now begins the whole moving process and selling my own house. Obviously self inflicted but still a pain in the ass.

Where are you moving?


Does it matter? I just know when things are tough or you need a change , the advice here has always been to pick up and move :wink:

Staying here in the same town we currently live but will be just a few blocks from Lake Michigan in a home we both instantly fell in love with. Kind of a dream home if you will. Trying to get all the financing squared away and get our place ready to go on the market in a week. We had no real intention or expectation of moving when we went to look.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 9:08 am 
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T-Bone wrote:
Douchebag wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
Put an offer on a house over the weekend and it was accepted. Now begins the whole moving process and selling my own house. Obviously self inflicted but still a pain in the ass.

Where are you moving?


Does it matter? I just know when things are tough or you need a change , the advice here has always been to pick up and move :wink:

Staying here in the same town we currently live but will be just a few blocks from Lake Michigan in a home we both instantly fell in love with. Kind of a dream home if you will. Trying to get all the financing squared away and get our place ready to go on the market in a week. We had no real intention or expectation of moving when we went to look.

Best of luck to you and Mrs. Bone.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 9:40 am 
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Frank Coztansa wrote:
My MIL is having some serious issues. I think this is time #4 (or maybe 5, I've lost count) into rehab. Its causing friction between my wife and I. After six years of her nonsense, I am unable and unwilling to support her this time round. She was told if she does this again, our son will have one grandmother and I'm willing to hold that bottom line. Nobody else is willing to hold theirs and its very sad, frustrating, and makes me hurt and quite angry.

Its really fucking awful when the biggest problem in a marriage is a third party. I don't even know what to do or say anymore.


Sorry Frank, family issues of any kind are a pain in the ass. Nothing more than the closest in laws if they have issues. I have some advice even figuring some here will find that me giving it is funny.

25 years ago or whatever we had similar problems. We had to make a decision that we needed to reinforce that when two people get married there really is nothing else more important than those two and in your case now three people. The degree to which that goes obviously is case to case.

Be warned though to not just let things go. These seemingly assumed simple matters have ripped families apart.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 9:51 am 
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Nardi wrote:
Frank Coztansa wrote:
My MIL is having some serious issues. I think this is time #4 (or maybe 5, I've lost count) into rehab. Its causing friction between my wife and I. After six years of her nonsense, I am unable and unwilling to support her this time round. She was told if she does this again, our son will have one grandmother and I'm willing to hold that bottom line. Nobody else is willing to hold theirs and its very sad, frustrating, and makes me hurt and quite angry.

Its really fucking awful when the biggest problem in a marriage is a third party. I don't even know what to do or say anymore.

It doesn't matter what line is drawn. It is moot. The MIL is moot. You have zero control. Support your wife. Play the outcomes in your head if you don't believe me. There's no honor in being the "I told you so" guy.


Great advice Nardi.

If she is putting your son in any danger Frank, then you should quietly demand hard and fast ground rules for any interaction with her.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 10:02 am 
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Frank Coztansa wrote:
My MIL is having some serious issues. I think this is time #4 (or maybe 5, I've lost count) into rehab. Its causing friction between my wife and I. After six years of her nonsense, I am unable and unwilling to support her this time round. She was told if she does this again, our son will have one grandmother and I'm willing to hold that bottom line. Nobody else is willing to hold theirs and its very sad, frustrating, and makes me hurt and quite angry.

Its really fucking awful when the biggest problem in a marriage is a third party. I don't even know what to do or say anymore.


I'm sorry to hear about this, Frank. Support your wife even if it means just giving her space. She'll eventually figure out the right thing to do.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 10:20 am 
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i can definitely relate to in-law issues, and my MIL is a really complicated mess of a person. but our problem is more siblings-related. my SIL is a spoiled brat, the baby of the family, and just added a husband who is a total divisive knob. we weren't invited to the wedding, but honestly i'm glad we weren't. i cannot stand to be around him anyway. and i certainly don't need to see some celebration in their name.

my wife's side just had a bit of a family reunion, a long-lost aunt that has recently come back into their lives and she thinks she can fix this problem herself. it's increasingly annoying. we haven't been around her family when her SIL/now-husband are around for over 2 years.

i would also agree that you gotta support your the mrs. but remain firm that you're concerned with the safety of the child first and foremost. multiple rehab visits indicate this person doesn't want help.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 10:21 am 
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T-Bone wrote:
Does it matter?

:lol: Look at 'ol T-Bone over there giving Douchebag the business!
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just a few blocks from Lake Michigan

Image

This should be in the brag section.

Congrats, duder.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 10:36 am 
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She has other health issues and at this point is physically incapable of providing proper care for a 1 year old, so that we don't have to worry about that for now.

As angry as I am, I will turn to supporting my wife than anything else at this point. Some of these things I needed to hear. Thanks all.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 11:05 am 
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Frank Coztansa wrote:
She has other health issues and at this point is physically incapable of providing proper care for a 1 year old, so that we don't have to worry about that for now.

As angry as I am, I will turn to supporting my wife than anything else at this point. Some of these things I needed to hear. Thanks all.

Society doesn't want to hear it right now, but women, more often than not, take their cue from the men they trust. Lead in a pragmatic way but make sure love is the point man.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 12:54 pm 
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I am going to strangle the next dough-head I see wearing slides with socks


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 1:14 pm 
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TomPretty wrote:
I am going to strangle the next dough-head I see wearing slides with socks

What does this mean in English?

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 1:15 pm 
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Darkside wrote:
TomPretty wrote:
I am going to strangle the next dough-head I see wearing slides with socks

What does this mean in English?

KDdidit better watch his back.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 1:35 pm 
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Krauts and Polacks breathe a sigh of relief. Socks with sandals don't offend TomPretty's sensibilities.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 3:33 pm 
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What if your feet are cold?

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 3:35 pm 
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pittmike wrote:
What if your feet are cold?


To the best of my knowledge, wearing the socks over the sandals is still acceptable.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 3:40 pm 
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Douchebag wrote:
Darkside wrote:
TomPretty wrote:
I am going to strangle the next dough-head I see wearing slides with socks

What does this mean in English?

KDdidit better watch his back.
Only wear the socks with slides on the way to and from softball games. I make some convenience store stops wearing them though to let my freak flag fly.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 4:09 pm 
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KDdidit wrote:
I make some convenience store stops wearing them though to let my freak flag fly.


Do you run to CVS for snacks and drinks EVERY SINGLE DAY ?


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 7:55 pm 
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If your feet are cold you wear shoes. If you are an athlete walking back from practice or a game you may wear slides with socks.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 8:21 pm 
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Seacrest wrote:
Nardi wrote:
Frank Coztansa wrote:
My MIL is having some serious issues. I think this is time #4 (or maybe 5, I've lost count) into rehab. Its causing friction between my wife and I. After six years of her nonsense, I am unable and unwilling to support her this time round. She was told if she does this again, our son will have one grandmother and I'm willing to hold that bottom line. Nobody else is willing to hold theirs and its very sad, frustrating, and makes me hurt and quite angry.

Its really fucking awful when the biggest problem in a marriage is a third party. I don't even know what to do or say anymore.

It doesn't matter what line is drawn. It is moot. The MIL is moot. You have zero control. Support your wife. Play the outcomes in your head if you don't believe me. There's no honor in being the "I told you so" guy.


Great advice Nardi.

If she is putting your son in any danger Frank, then you should quietly demand hard and fast ground rules for any interaction with her.


I agree with all of the above. I've been the told you so guy in the past. It's not a helpful position to assume. I've learned my lesson and try to be as supportive as I can. That's a challenge, though.

And Frank: Sorry to hear about your predicament.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 8:27 pm 
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T-Bone wrote:
Douchebag wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
Put an offer on a house over the weekend and it was accepted. Now begins the whole moving process and selling my own house. Obviously self inflicted but still a pain in the ass.

Where are you moving?


Does it matter? I just know when things are tough or you need a change , the advice here has always been to pick up and move :wink:

Staying here in the same town we currently live but will be just a few blocks from Lake Michigan in a home we both instantly fell in love with. Kind of a dream home if you will. Trying to get all the financing squared away and get our place ready to go on the market in a week. We had no real intention or expectation of moving when we went to look.


Sounds amazing. There are some great houses in your town, especially close to the lake. Would love to hear details about your new place.

I've decided that I greatly prefer Vermont to Massachusetts. I'm thinking about taking a job in Burlington, VT, in the next year or two before my kids get too attached to MA. Burlington is one of my favorite cities in the country, and it's not too far away from relatives that we need to be near for now.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 9:15 pm 
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 10:38 pm 
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Tall Midget wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
Douchebag wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
Put an offer on a house over the weekend and it was accepted. Now begins the whole moving process and selling my own house. Obviously self inflicted but still a pain in the ass.

Where are you moving?


Does it matter? I just know when things are tough or you need a change , the advice here has always been to pick up and move :wink:

Staying here in the same town we currently live but will be just a few blocks from Lake Michigan in a home we both instantly fell in love with. Kind of a dream home if you will. Trying to get all the financing squared away and get our place ready to go on the market in a week. We had no real intention or expectation of moving when we went to look.


Sounds amazing. There are some great houses in your town, especially close to the lake. Would love to hear details about your new place.

I've decided that I greatly prefer Vermont to Massachusetts. I'm thinking about taking a job in Burlington, VT, in the next year or two before my kids get too attached to MA. Burlington is one of my favorite cities in the country, and it's not too far away from relatives that we need to be near for now.

Do it!!! Burlington was so beautiful. Our drove through Vermont was so enjoyable. So much outdoor beauty.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2019 4:27 am 
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Moving to Burlington is great but can’t you do an intermediary move as well? I used to work a lot in the north burbs of Boston (Billerica, Burlington) and a lot of guys lived in the general Nashua area and Manchester was a half decent airport.

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2019 8:36 pm 
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You know what's better then spending the Saturday of Labor Day weekend at Urgent Care with a 103 temperature and strep throat? Anything up to and including a swift kick in the balls.

It has not been a fun week in the Coztansa house.

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2019 8:56 pm 
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2019 9:03 pm 
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Me. This has kicked my ass.

Ill ask the nurse if they have the big recliner for my room while I wait

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