Yeah I hope that doesn’t happen. But what you are telling me in a not so subtle way is that I can set her up in the garage with a cot, for the health of my wife and I of course, right?

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

I spent Sunday of Labor Day weekend in a hotel as it was best for me just to get out of dodge for 36 hours as not to chance getting the little guy sick.

Or, you could set up in the garage and drink as much truth serum as you want!

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I've heard 3 dipshits say " That's why casinos are big n shiny" today on the radio on three separate shows.. All while referencing gambling on football.


No dummy, Casinos make about 75% of their money from slot machines. Just because you suck at handicapping games doesn't mean we all suck.

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This could go in the brag thread with me boasting about my new found maturity and restraint but I'm putting it here to complain about this asswipe.

I rode my bike to the Pony Shop to drop it off for some work. I figured it was a good time because it's too icy to get a real good ride in anyway. I took the Purple back to Howard and got off to wait for the 290 bus. The bus showed up and there was a line of about seven or eight of us. I was about fourth in line. The girl in front got on and was having trouble scanning her Ventra card. Next thing I know there was this guy trying to slide in front of me and he's bitching about the girl. "That card ain't got no money on it? Come on, man! Can I tap? Look, just let me tap!" And he starts pushing his way on in front of everybody. The kid in front of me moved over to his left to block the guy so now the guy is right in front of me. I sized the guy up. He was a wiry little fucker, probably about my age. Smaller than me, but he looked pretty hard. Definitely not someone I thought I could just knock over. I did have a couple advantages though. He was wearing a kind of backpack that was going to be tough to get off if we started going at it. And I was wearing my bicycling helmet like a dork just because I didn't want to carry it. I was running all these thoughts through my head and I even snapped up my helmet as I was considering shoving him. But then I decided to just let it go. I looked at the guy behind me and we both just rolled our eyes. The younger me would have caused a beef, but I showed remarkable restraint. And fuck that guy.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

Yep it happens that way. Just ain't worth it.

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Elections have consequences.

I'm going to assume the bus is empty or nearly empty at the station. What was the guy's hurry?

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

It was cold and he was probably in his gay ass Lance Armstrong bike shorts.

Further explaining the pay gap between Destiny's Child and Hazardous Youth.

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Why, you think Beyonce would have clocked the guy? I'm sure her sister would.

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

...and it was today that JORR finally learned why McDonalds has you pull up in the drive thru so other customers can be served.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

Beyonce? No. Kelly Rowland...most likely.

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Yeah, I think that's the first stop on the route. There was no one on the bus. Maybe the guy was cold, I guess.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

Cab drivers getting close to the airport doing 80mph that start punching up their iPad for the next fare.

That’s not terrifying.

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You know me like that.

Friday I come home from work to find two telephone poles laid out in the front lawn. There was still snow on the ground, so the pockmarked lawn caused by depositing said treated lumber in my front lawn was not easily visible. Comed has no idea why they are there as no work is planned in our area. The better half is fixated on this calamity.

Somehow I know that dude from The Watchmen is behind this. What's a brother gotta do to get him to teleport this crap away?

Thanks to beni for taking the pole so we don’t have to.

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Hawaii (fuck) You

if they are still there just a few days later, strap those things to your truck ( i assume everyone has one) and drag them into the road. I ain't putting up with that bull shit.

I'm citified sir. No doolie in my garage. I'd consider taking a chainsaw to them, but then thought I'd probably pull a Tall Midget.

The get your front end loader out or skid steer...surely you have one of those?

Negative, but that sure sounds like fun.

The mother of our foster child who is currently in the middle of the months long process of having her rights terminated just found out she's pregnant again. How SHE HAS NO IDEA.

My wife on a group text with my family and heres says "Thankful we have several months to prepare" and then blah blah blah blah. and i'm like

PREPARE FOR WHAT

I've had this head cold for a few days, and now my ears are clogged up. My head feels like its under pressure, like I've been swimming under water 12' or 15' deep. It's quite annoying.

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That's a sinus infection.

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heading south on Austin, entrance to the Ike, there are two left turn lanes to the on ramp. people in the right lane can never STAY IN THEIR FUCKING LANE as they make the turn. Seriously I'm going to ram one of these bastards one day.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

I had food poisoning over the past two days. It was awful--the constant vomiting, the cold sweats, the body aches and the resultant anxiety that this is what it will be like when I am older, the running into the bathroom, the deciding on whether to vomit in the bathtub (which was closer) or the toilet (a bit further away, yet easier to clean) or just the sink, which I'd really, really have to sanitize. It's been awful--worse than the flu, but better than having to trade prison sex for cigarettes.

Now my stomach hurts and I can't tell if that is due to hunger or just sort muscles.

I went to give blood on Monday and usually goes off without a hitch and I fill up the bag in 5 minutes and I’m gone. The phlebotomist stuck me and it felt unusually uncomfortable but I didn’t say anything. She comes back and the bag isn’t filling up very quickly. Apparently she missed most of the vein. She says the needle moved or I moved my arm. She calls her supervisor over and she fishes the needle around and finds the vein. I hate it when they do that. Anyway it’s flowing for a bit and stops again. At this point I’m getting light headed and probably getting pretty pale. Supervisor comes over and asks if I’d like her to take the needle out and try again. I said no and tapped out. I’m trying to do them a favor and I was done being a pin cushion. All I got out of the deal was a bruised arm and a cheap phone charger

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

The lesson there. Don't give blood.

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That sux Tbone. If you've done it before I doubt you moved your arm. They just didn't stick you properly.

The last time I went, they were training people and the gal had to stick me three times before she hit paydirt. It was mildly annoying, but I figured I'd help out and let them jab me so they can get better at their craft. I have a somewhat odd blood type (B+) so I try to give a few times a year.

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Blood banks chase me around. I have the super hero blood. But it runs through shitty veins. So adjusting the needle is a thing and sometimes there's leakage and I get what they call a hematoma. The ugliest bruising you'll ever see.

After I saw how much blood my brother and dad used in the hospital I realized how badly the hospitals and organizations need it. It can be a pain in the ass but I want to try to do it quarterly moving forward if I can. If I wasn’t as doughy as I am maybe it would be easier for them to find a vein so I’m working on that as well.

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami