The woman who Bud Light cast in the role of the Browns fan looking in the fridge is possibly the ugliest woman to ever be filmed for legitimate purposes.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

UPDATE!

After describing sleep apnea as someone repeatedly smothering you with a pillow until you almost die only to let up and do it over again, he mentions having gotten some negative feedback. Maybe he reads the board. He adds "We painted a grim picture. But I'm not here to sugar-coat it." I should hope not, because it would be weird to pour boiling sugar all over your painting. Then he hits us with an all-timer: "Real lives are being blunted by this ticking time bomb." What does it mean to blunt a life? Are you ending a life, or just making it dull? What kind of bomb makes life dull? And how does a ticking time bomb blunt anything? If it's ticking, it hasn't detonated yet. It's not performing a continuous action of blunting, just a continuous action of ticking.

My theory: no one is intended to listen to any of this copy. He's just filling time until "BREATHE WELL WITH SIMPLE SOLUTIONS, ADVENT NOSE, DOT COM."

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“I’m doctor Myron Rolle.”

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Did you know Larry King is still doing commercials? I'm not sure but I think it's prostate health. He says he hasn't felt this good in 20 years

Shalom Park Memorial Cemetery, Hullo!

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Much like Zombie Bob Rohrman, Larry King has been clinically deceased since the mid-1990's.

I don't know how much time you guys and girls spend watching YouTube. I spend a lot of time, because my wife and kid are always binging some bullshit on the TV. But I am BEYOND sick of those Dr. Squatch manscaping ads. And I finally saw one on TV. Gotdamn, I hate that asswipe. Here's another YouTube ad that I can't avoid. The B&H Photo ad where some annoying douchebag is "talking" to some jagoff named Fred who runs a home business doing fitness videos. I swear to God, I wanna punch them both in the throat. I'm sick and tired of everything at this point.

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Just chillin' like Garret Quillin.

You need uBlock, man, YouTube is hell on earth without it

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Do you know if it works on chromebooks?

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Just chillin' like Garret Quillin.

It's a Chrome extension, so I have no reason to believe it wouldn't. My laptop runs Windows, though, so I can't say for certain, but my guess is that it would work because it's a plugin rather than an application.

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And it prevents youtube ads? just straight to the video with no interruptions?

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Just chillin' like Garret Quillin.

On second thought, I actually do have ublock on this thing, but apparently not when I'm in incognito mode, which I always use. Maybe I should just watch YouTube in regular mode.

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Just chillin' like Garret Quillin.

“The all-new Kia Sorrento...the world’s first storytelling machine.”

Huh?

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Half of those from all makes are stupid...

The Nissan Rogue with it's "How Rogue do you want to go..."

When all the reviews come in that it's a bland, average, underwhelming, appliance of a small SUV amongst a sea of them...

Many of mine are most auto commercials where they tout the safety features of lane departure and other collision avoidance systems, showing the typical distracted group of young'ins more concerned with what's on the stupidphone than their driving... So you're basically showcasing features based on human stupidity. You can't control your vehicle, so we can. Maybe if you can't control your vehicle, you shouldn't be driving to begin with.

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Certified Dirty Old Man

sup Panther?

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Sex isn't dirty, sex isn't a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

-Hank Kingsley

How do they manage to make every 1-800-GOT-JUNK commercial worse than the last? That really takes some effort.

GMC commercial with that awful, annoying song.


GO. BOY. GO!


GO. BOY. GO!


GO. BOY. GO!!!!!

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Not a mult.

It feels like someone is drilling a hole through your brain! I'm gonna write one.

[insipid whistling]
"Hello, 1-800-GOT-JUNK, this is Sarah."
"I'm happy."
"I'm happy that you're happy."
"Do you want to know why?"
"Why?"
"I'm decluttering."
"That always makes me happy!"
"When you eat a hamburger, you throw the paper away."
"Yes."
"When you don't want junk anymore, you throw that away too."
"That's right!"
"Sarah?"
"Yes."
"I love you."
"You're great too!"
"It's time."
"We can be there in 90 minutes."
"I'm happy."

1-800-GOT-JUNK.

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Wow! The Progressive Insurance lady just c.unt blocked Tammy.

The NURX birth control commercial features a woman who is obviously a dyke. So why does she need birth control? When your commercials are so woke they don't even make sense.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

I wish those two who Live with AT&T would die with AT&T, and his buddy Bruce, too!

The Chads are running up the score so bad they're even banging lesbians on the side. They can't keep getting away with it!

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Now 1-800-GOT-JUNK has added Charlotte The Junk Fairy, who, when you give her advice, is required to tell you to exchange a cow for magic beans.

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you're talking about the one with the nose ring? I call her Lydia.

there are a few new ones for me...

All-State using a hood ornament to sing Pet Shop Boys' "Opportunities" makes me want to rip it right off the car and shove it up the Liberty Mutual's Cell Phone Boy's nostrils as he dives into a bed of rice.

ANY Discovery+ commercial, because they are A) Incessant on any of the networks it involves and B) Most of the programming they're peddling is reality trash that should be jettisoned off the planet and sent into a black hole, that winds up in the nostrils of the Cell Phone Boy from a parallel dimension.

Speaking of Liberty Mutual, they're all pretty terrible but the Zoom call between Doug and the Emu is especially root sucking.

No straight men listen to the Pet Shop Boys.

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I meant straight black men.

Anyway, Lakeside Bank is feuding with David Hochberg. "I'm so tired of those angry mortgage bankers on the radio! If you don't have anything nice to say..."

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I wonder if my Lakeside guy (Andy Karabetsos of Stock & Jocks fame) is behind any of those spots.

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I was gonna say "hah, yeah, fame" but I still remember that the host of Stocks & Jocks was "Dr. J" Jon Nazarian and now I feel embarrassed. I used to use my brain for stuff.

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It's Najarian, so you have saved a few neurons for other things.

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In a blink and you might miss it moment, I just saw an ad for "Amazon Prime Day" which is selling you on the idea of transforming your living room, kitchen, yard or whatever in one day with a huge sale. In the yard scene, you'll see a big giggling shirtless black *bear* getting cuddled by a tattooed, big giggling shirtless white *bear* in a hot tub on the patio.

Now that's what I call intersectionality.

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Just chillin' like Garret Quillin.