I'll start by saying I'm thankful I have my parents still. I do love them.


But.


Since I've been... about 40? I feel like I'm parenting my parents. They're so incredibly needy. In the last 3 days...

My mom locked herself out of her house
She locked herself out of her car. Didn't have her phone charged and couldn't call a cab. I put Uber on her phone so she could take a (free) ride if she got stuck again.
So she wanted to use it to go to the airport. She couldn't figure out how the app works. She called me at 3am on Friday morning freaking out. Finally got to the airport, missed her flight, phone out of battery (she never remembers to charge it). I gotta get her someone to clean her house once a week because she falls down a lot.
My dad has a million projects for me to do. I finally have a reasonable schedule, not I have a million projects to do for him. Gotta put in shutoff valves for his sill cocks. Gotta do angle stops for his bathroom. Gotta haul furniture to goodwill. He wants me to kill a woodpecker. Gotta take him to his lawyer so I fan get permission to kill him if he can't kill himself (sounds like a joke but it's not... exactly). He wants me to get him someone to clean his house because I said I was getting someone to clean my mother house and it's not fair. I got him on my cell phone plan to save him money on his cell plan, it's only $25 a month now but it's free I guess for him because it's been 8 months and he's not paid anything.

Man.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Move them into the same house, problem fixed.

Tried that for 30 years. Its..It's... probably worse.

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Darko...believe me, I know it's tough. It's the role reversal of life. Try and get the positives out of the time you have with both of them. This isn't the sunshine and balloons shit you want to hear right now but it's the way it is.

I'd be concerned that mom lives alone and is falling down a lot.

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My folks are both 80.they are mostly in good health. Last year mom had a mild heart attack but was afraid to call an ambulance or a friend at 3am to take her to hospital. Dad was out of town. Not only afraid but didn’t know what to do about the dog if she had to leave. I calmly explained they could afford an ambulance and I could be there In a couple hours to take care of the dog.

On my dad’s side I’m pretty sure I’ve become a trash service. Every time k see him I get some old piece of electronics. What I’m going to do with a 20 year old laptop or a Sony Walkman (it’s a sport model!) is beyond me.

That said, I need to see them more. I need to call them more.

I would be too. In fact I am. Thanks.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

what if you moved them into the same house, gave them both loaded glocks and got out the way for a week?

My parents are squandering my inheritance. They are still in really good health and spirits so I'm lucky. I don't know what one will do without the other or what I will do without either of them. They are both starting to act old. I haven't had to step in yet and I'm not sure when I should. It's weird.

They're squandering their own money?

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

My dad is close to 90. Some of you have noticed that I am in Chicago much more often lately. It's not a great situation but he's happy being where he and my mother lived when she passed away a few years ago, and doesn't want to leave his apartment. COVID-precaution isolation really did a number on his cognition, it was probably skipping anyway but spending three months of 2020 mostly isolated with the IDPH not allowing any senior living places to have visitors or keep the dining rooms and common activity areas open really accelerated things. He's had some physical issues this winter which are mostly sorted, but he needs more help with "Activities of Daily Living" each day and I am now in Chicago for at least two days most weeks. About once a month something goes more wrong than I can handle over the phone, and I find myself booking a flight for later that afternoon; fortunately I traveled at least twice a month for work for 30 years so if I'm at home I can be ready to go in 15 minutes.

But most of my friends have at least one parent or parent in-law between 80 and 90. Every one of our situations is different, but there are common threads across most of them. For example, those of my friends who have raised kids find it easier than those of us who have not. Siblings frequently work at cross purposes or emphasize different things. Covid prevention has made everything more challenging. And on and on.

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"When people want their version of the truth, they go find it, no matter how baseless their beliefs." -- Ken Rosenthal

It's our joke. I tell them they are squandering my inheritance and my dad tells me he's going to bounce his last check (now over drawn on last bank withdrawal).

They bought an embroidery machine, log splitter, lawn tractor thing, expensive as fuck car, puter and camera thing, and now the next purchase will be a 3d printer. Christmas is like Oprah's big give away. Stop wasting money!!!!!

Chet, you do good, you're amazing.

Love every second of it - perhaps their list for you in childhood was just as long.

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Successful calls:

Kyrie Irving will never win anything as a team's alpha: check
T.rubisky is a bust: check
Ben Simmons is a liability: check
The Fields Cult is dumb: double check

2013 CSFMB ROY

I suspect I am older than most here

My parents passed away a while ago, but their glide path downward was difficult...my mother had dementia and my father who was insistent on caring for her did his best he could to deal with it, but he was a WW2 vet who didn't have the skill set.

Your relationship with your siblings becomes very important. As is a clear understanding of the difficult end of life decisions that everyone needs to be on board with including your parents/siblings

It sucks but it has somehow provided perspective as to how I look to communicate with my grown sons

Bad news: Your parents are going to die
Good News: You're going to die too!

I dont know how u can afford a round trip flight to Chicago every week.

If I did that I'd be bankrupt. that's 48 round trip flights a year.

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No. I didn't know it at the time but we had almost no money.

I would be most concerned about your Mom's falling. It's very easy to break a hip and end up in a nursing home. The sad truth is most elderly people aren't able to resume their independent lives after breaking a hip. I would want to see how her house is set up, if there's an area where she falls the most or if there's generally a lot of clutter on the floor. Below is some info I had gathered during a past life when I dealt a lot with fall prevention. This is from an Ohio program, but the advice is universal.

Good luck. It sounds like at the very least you have good communication with both parents.


"Falls represent a critical public health threat to older adults," said Ted Wymyslo, M.D., director of the Ohio Department of Health. "An older Ohioan falls every two and a half minutes on average, resulting in two deaths per day, two hospitalizations per hour, and an emergency room visit every eight minutes. These preventable injuries cost Ohioans more than $4.8 billion each year. Yet, falls are not a normal part of aging. This myth must be dispelled so older Ohioans can live independent, productive and healthy lives."



"Your risk for falling goes down the minute you stop being afraid of falling," said Bonnie Kantor-Burman, director of the Department of Aging. "Living a full and active life free of the fear of falling begins with knowing where your feet are. Individuals who know what their risks factors are and who take active steps to minimize them are less likely to suffer an injury as the result of a fall."



Aging and public health agencies and advocates encourage all Ohioans to "Know Where Your Feet Are" and follow five easy steps to prevent falls:

Increase your physical activity. Simple exercise, like walking or swimming at least 15 minutes a day can help build muscle strength and improve balance, which can prevent falls. Exercise programs like Tai Chi that increase strength and improve balance are especially good.

See your eye doctor once each year. Age-related eye diseases, such as cataracts, macular degeneration and diabetic retinopathy, can increase the risk of falling. Early detection is key to minimizing the effects of these conditions.

Review your medications. Talk to your doctor or pharmacist about the medicines you are taking and whether they may cause drowsiness or dizziness. Discuss things you can do to ensure you are taking your medicines safely.

Remove environmental hazards. Look around the house for anything that could increase the risk of falls, including poor lighting, loose rugs, slippery floors and unsteady furniture. Remove or modify these hazards.

Think, plan and slow down. Many falls are caused by hurrying. Slow down and think through the task you are performing. Be mindful of possible falls risks and act accordingly.
Individuals and families also can contact their area agency on aging or local health department to learn about available trainings and resources designed to reduce the risk of falls or go to: http://bit.ly/NoFallsOhio. Call toll-free 1-866-243-5678 to be connected to the area agency on aging serving your community. More information on local health departments can be found on the ODH website at http://www.odh.ohio.gov.



Facts about Falls and Older Ohioans:

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 30 percent of adults age 65 and older living in the community fall each year.
Falls are the leading cause of injury-related deaths and the most common cause of nonfatal injuries and hospital admissions for trauma in older adults.
An older adult falls in Ohio every 2.5 minutes on average, resulting in two deaths each day, two hospitalizations each hour and an emergency department visit every eight minutes.
Older adults account for a disproportionate share of fall-related injuries. While Ohioans age 65 and older make up 13.7 percent of our population, they account for more than 80 percent of fatal falls.
According to the Ohio Department of Health, fatal fall rates increased 125 percent from 2000 to 2009.
The total estimated annual cost of fatal falls in Ohio is $646 million, while non-fatal, hospital-admitted falls cost more than $4.2 billion annually.
More than half of all older adults who live in residential care facilities or nursing homes will fall each year.
Most fractures among older adults are caused by falls.
The risk of falling increases significantly after age 75.
Falls account for more than 90 percent of all accidental hip fractures.
Fall-related emergency room-visit and inpatient hospitalization rates are higher for falls than all other injuries combined.
For about 1 in 3 older Ohioans, falls lead to injuries that resulted in a doctor visit or restricted activity.
The causes of falls vary, with contributing factors including lack of strength in the lower extremities, the use of four or more medications, reduced vision, chronic health problems and unsafe home conditions.
Many people who fall, even those who are not injured, may develop a fear of falling, leading them to limit their activities, which in turn, may increase their risk for falls.

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"I give you my word as a Biden"

My dad passed in late 2018. My mom seems like she has been taking it in stride. She stays in shape, plays golf and has started to do quite a bit of travelling now that things are loosening up. I'm happy for her for the most part. We have a friend whose mother is not doing well physically and she has to go out there every weekend to help with groceries and she lives in a house that is way too big for her. We've tried to convince her to get her to move to an assisted living facility or something but seems to fall on deaf ears. Definitely a hard thing to deal with I am sure.

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

Having your parents still alive is a blessing, not a curse, you sill cocks.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

GEORGE: Wh..what're you doing here?

FRANK: We're having an upscale dinner.

GEORGE: What?

ESTELLE: Well, after talking to you, we realised we may not have much time left.

FRANK: So, we're blowing it all.

George looks unhappy at this news.

FRANK: (holding out his tie) Look George, it's a Pierre Cardin!

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Of course. I’ve gotten to know my father more in the last 10 years than the previous 30 odd. And his collection of newspaper clipping I get everyone I see him is actually very endearing. I just chuckle about some of their idiosyncrasies.

Why do I get the feeling you do plumbing at work?

Of course it is. But it's also sobering and sometimes overwhelming to see them as fractions of their original selves.

Today's challenge for me is that my father answered the phone this morning, wasn't sure he answered it so he hit answer again on the phone, couldn't hear anyone, and put the phone down without hanging up properly. So now we are going on three hours where if I call it goes straight to VM. I know he's ok, and I know he has a late afternoon caregiver who will call me. But it's made my day totally unproductive to now out of worry.

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"When people want their version of the truth, they go find it, no matter how baseless their beliefs." -- Ken Rosenthal

It can be both.

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This was the case for me. He went from a guy I grew up not knowing, to despising between the ages of 16-34, to one of my closest friends after my divorce and after meeting my current wife. She really helped repair the relationship and help get my life back on track and I was able to see things from my parents perspective a bit more easily when I saw my wife dealing with her children's issues. I wish I would have had more than 6 years of getting along but thankful that we took the time to take some special golf trips together those last 3-4 years and made the effort to visit one another even though we didn't live close. My wife still says she misses him from time to time when something reminds us of him. My mother is a bit more selfish and actually has what we would consider a long distance "boyfriend". We want her to be happy and I certainly have no right to tell a 72 year old woman what to do, but it was a surprise.

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

Maybe if your parents weren't selfish, miserable wastes of space.

My dad has gotten better, I think my grandma passing made him realize that he was missing a lot of family stuff because he couldn't admit when he fucked up. He still won't admit it, but he's backed off the "woe is me" crap that led to him and me not talking for a solid year and a half. He wants to come see the kids, etc, so I'm good with that...I won't do what he did and cut my kids off from their grandparents (I didn't see my maternal grandparents from when I was about 5 until I was 36 or so because my dad basically cut them out).

My mom can fuck right off. Haven't seen her since I was 4, and don't honestly give a shit if she lives or dies.

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Some but it's not really what I do.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

I am as well. Thanks for sharing the info by the way.
What makes me so crazy about her falling is that she used to work at Sunrise Assisted Living and she knows all this about falling. But she doesn't think it can happen to her even though it does.
She fell last Christmas trying to lean over to plug in her Christmas tree.
I went over to her house last Sunday to fix the garage door opener. Something slipped out of her hand and she goes to pick it up, puts one hand on a small coffee table and leans way over to get down enough to pick it up. I said "ma, didn't you say you taught the white hairs to never leave over their belts to prevent falls?" She says yeah and I said well why are you doing that and she said well I had my hand on the table. I said what if it shifted under your weight. She looked at me like I was crazy.

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Uh, you're a union shop. Start being union and hire a licensed plumber.

Yeah my mom turned 80 this year and isn't in great health, but on the other hand, being alive at 80 is pretty good health. She has Scleroderma, needs a blood transfusion around every month because of low red blood cells, only has use of her index finger and thumb in her right hand because the tendons in the other 3 fingers are shredded, and a bunch of other things. I go over there once a week to bring cat litter/change the boxes, pick up/drop off laundry, bring cases of water and Coke and any other heavy thing she needs me to buy, unscrew caps of things she can't open by herself, and any other small tasks. Thankfully she has a 6 figure Illinois pension and is fine financially. Like spaulding, unfortunately she's kind of my retirement savings.

My dad's at the Veteran's home in Quincy and thankfully never died of Legionnaire's Disease.