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 Post subject: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 6:06 pm 
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My wife passed earlier this week after fighting cancer for almost 3 years with the last month spent in the hospital/hospice. I was curious about how others in similar situations dealt with the loss and all the free time by yourself. Right now of course, I barely know which way is up, but it won't be long before the service will be over and people will stop checking in on me. I believe Walt has lost 3 wives...I can't even imagine that. For anyone else that's lost a spouse/partner...do you have any suggestions? We were empty nesters and connected at the hip. The house is very quiet. I miss my best friend. Thankfully...(knock on wood)...money isn't an issue, at present at least. Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 6:08 pm 
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All the best. Sorry for your loss.

Oh and to answer your question- get a dog.

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Last edited by denisdman on Thu Jul 07, 2022 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 6:08 pm 
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Very sorry Augie! :(

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 6:18 pm 
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I can only offer my condolences to you and your loved ones. You appear to be doing a great job dealing with the loss. Try to stay active.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 6:19 pm 
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Just awful. I'm so sorry.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 6:21 pm 
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Oh augie I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't even imagine what you're going through. My condolences to you and the family.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 6:39 pm 
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Keep your head up. Try to start a charitable endeavor in her name/honor.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 7:14 pm 
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I'm so sorry.

Eat and sleep and make healthy choices - don't get hammered like I would. Treat yourself like you would want a friend to be treating themselves going thru the same thing.

If you feel isolated invite friends and family over, join a grief group (maybe), or do community center outings, especially if she was the one to organize the social stuff. People will be there especially the first 6-12 months but you gotta ask. Busy is nice, volunteer, or get a little job if you are retired. Be as strong as you can for your kids. They lost their mom but they will want to help you too.

Funny this comes up because I feel like grief is finally hitting my aunt. I just spent the week with my mom and her sisters...didn't see them because of covid the last 2 years. My one aunt's husband died in late 2019. I think he was 57 and she's about 56 now so she was widowed young. It was her second marriage. She's a little wacky and has had a relatively difficult life so she is always concerned about feelings and contemplating crap. Anyway covid hit so she didn't notice some social changes but her daughter moved out this spring. About a month ago she moved her bedroom into her living room, I think the aloneness/emptiness and the anxiety of being alone is getting to her. My other aunt said this is crazy, my mom said it's chaotic and not all the calm and peaceful stuff you strive for, I asked if she was dating and told her not to bring anybody home because they'll either get the wrong idea or think you are nuts. Why not just put your bed in the kitchen? It makes as much sense. Don't put your bedroom somewhere else is the best advice I can give you. :lol:

My other aunt is going to lose her husband within the next 3-5 years. He was on some medication for the last 20 years that messed up his lungs. She keeps saying she is going to move here to live with us or my parents because she doesn't want to be alone and wants to be with people who are fun. I'm so sad for her now too.

I think my mom would be okay. My dad will lose his mind without my mom, it will be something. My husband will be remarried within a year of me dying. I'll be dead within a year without him. He's pissed at me right now though so whatever!

PM me anytime or call or if you are around here I'd meet you for lunch. I can't imagine the loss and hurt you are going thru.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 7:56 pm 
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Very sorry Angie. I have dealt with loss but not my life partner as you said. A hole in you soul is the same I am afraid. It lessens but never fully heals. For me anyway I tried to shift any negative/sad thoughts to positive memories asap.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 8:19 pm 
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Augie wrote:
My wife passed earlier this week after fighting cancer for almost 3 years with the last month spent in the hospital/hospice. I was curious about how others in similar situations dealt with the loss and all the free time by yourself. Right now of course, I barely know which way is up, but it won't be long before the service will be over and people will stop checking in on me. I believe Walt has lost 3 wives...I can't even imagine that. For anyone else that's lost a spouse/partner...do you have any suggestions? We were empty nesters and connected at the hip. The house is very quiet. I miss my best friend. Thankfully...(knock on wood)...money isn't an issue, at present at least. Thanks in advance for any suggestions.


First, my apologies for your loss. Slightly different as my daughter was ten when her mother passed. It's been over eleven years now, but just know that it is ok to have a good day. You don't owe anyone an explanation for how you feel on a given day. If it's a bad day, have a bad day/grieve/do what you need to do at the moment. It's ok to stay social, but if you were attached at the hip it may be difficult. One day at a time, and right now...one minute at a time. Feel free to pm me here if you choose.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 8:28 pm 
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I am sorry for your loss. May her memory be eternal.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 8:30 pm 
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sorry man. the worst i have to compare is losing best friends. it's weird that i'm here and they're not. if it means anything... you have two real choices. remember what you lost, or feel lucky for what you had. either way, it's the same as before. the best thing is you still have the memories that made you happy yesterday. they won't fade.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 8:41 pm 
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:( That’s horrible.

I would allow like a week of indulgence and then a hearty run or workout to get out frustration and hurt and have a release of endorphins…might help.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 8:47 pm 
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Thanks everyone for the solid advice, being open to pm's as needed and for the kind words. I can't imagine Harvard Dan raising his daughter on his own and her losing her Mother so young. I'm going to try and focus on the tasks I have to get done for now and work in the suggestions as I can. Thanks again.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 8:48 pm 
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My sincere condolences.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 9:30 pm 
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Very sorry to hear, Augie. I send my sincere condolences.

My dad passed last June, and I come back to visit my mom at least one weekend a month. As a matter of fact, I am here unexpectedly this week after my mom suffered a mild heart attack (she was discharged today, and you wouldn’t know that anything happened to her 36 hours after an angiogram and stent placement). The biggest thing for her after being with my dad for 60 years is the loneliness - she’s 79, and pretty active, but has no major interests, and not a lot of friends. She can ride any Amtrak train for life for free after retiring from there, but has no interest in exploring, or leaving her comfort zone.

After seeing what my mom has gone through, (and I assume you are much younger than she is), my advice would be to not isolate yourself - get out and keep yourself occupied. Spend time with family, friends, etc. Pursue your interests, and find new ones.

My best to you in finding your peace.

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Last edited by Minooka Meatball on Thu Jul 07, 2022 11:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 10:25 pm 
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W_Z wrote:
:( That’s horrible.

I would allow like a week of indulgence and then a hearty run or workout to get out frustration and hurt and have a release of endorphins…might help.


omg I could totally see you saying on day 8 hey Spaulding no mas. My little liver can't do it!


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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 10:47 pm 
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Sorry for your loss. Whatever you choose to do now is the correct decision.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 10:51 pm 
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I'm sorry for your loss, Augie.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 10:56 pm 
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Augie wrote:
I believe Walt has lost 3 wives...I can't even imagine that.


To lose one wife may be regarded as a misfortune, to lose 3 wives looks like carelessness.

Book a senior cruise/holiday/vacation. female to male ratio at those things is like 6 to 1.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 6:26 am 
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Sorry to hear this news Augie. I know you have been dealing with a few physical ailments of your own, so I would echo everyone's advice and make sure to take care of yourself first. Find a way to do some things you are passionate about like golf to take your mind off of things for periods of time. Sending you the very best wishes in this difficult time.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 6:31 am 
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Sorry to hear it.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 8:08 am 
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Very sorry for your loss

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 9:21 am 
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Sorry, Augers. Hang in there as best you can. Don't worry about feeling sad or happy. You have to answer to nobody except the man in the mirror.

Take care of yourself and find something to occupy some of your time. Be it physical like golf, gardening, or a workout regime. Or something more mental like building model cars/trains or reading. Join a bowling league or a book club to stay social.

Remember the good times!

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 9:42 am 
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Very sorry for you Augie. Grieve but also celebrate who she was and what you had. I don't know if you are religious but most places have a ministry for those who have lost a loved one.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 10:09 am 
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Condolences, Augie.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 10:13 am 
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Im so sorry to hear about this, Augie. I'm not sure I could find comfort anywhere if I were in your shoes.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 11:28 am 
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Very very sorry for your loss Augie. Frankly I have no clue how I would deal with that but would hope that any choices I'd make would be as thought out as possible. But I don't know how possible that would be for me. But I do know that I'd be a wreck. Be easy friend.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 11:30 am 
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Sorry to hear man. I will say a prayer. Keep yourself busy. surround yourself with loved ones. keep connected to the world around you. Mourning is important,everyone does it at their own pace so do
not let anyone try to tell you different. If you do though start to feel it getting the best of you seek out a pro to help you.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing a spouse
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 11:43 am 
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Condolences to you Augie.

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