_________________
You know me like that.

Many of you have wondered about the true identity of Tall Midget. While recently inspecting properties in undervalued neighborhoods, I retrieved the flyer below from a light pole next to a free palm reading flyer and a notice for an upcoming Pi Theory show.

I give you proof, PROOF I SAY, of what many of us have long suspected.

DON'T LET HIM STEAL THIS VOTE THROUGH HIS MYSTICAL WAYS!!

BE VIGILANT!!!

_________________
You know me like that.

Quite naturally, I have been asked to provide a celebrity endorsement and, as the requisite fee has been paid, certainly, I am delighted to do so to some degree. I first met Dr. Dennis Nosiewater 20 years ago on my first trip to Asia to see the production of myself's shoes.

Denny, who owned the production centers, I told him, can't be having these Asian Sweat Shops makin' Michael Jordan's shoes, you understand.

MJ, he said, you worry about getting it done on the court and I'll worry about this. Look at Scotty, he said, nobody remembers him getting caught with a gun, they just remember him sittin' his punk-ass down on the bench for 1.8 while Kukoc carried that team to some extent.

Well Denny might not have said "punk-ass" but I'm sayin' it!! Punk-ass!!

YOU TELL HIM!!! YOU TELL HIM I SAID IT!!

Damn. I told the kids I'd quit laughing and yelling that. I TOLD THEM!!

Anyway, Denny renamed his shops Le Far East Perspiration Shoppes and six World Championships and a couple hundred million later, he was right, image problem gone. So vote or whatever this is for Dennis Nosiewaiter.

Undeniably, Denny and I will be releasing the new Marcus Jordan shoe this Fall. Look for it - the Heir Jordan.

Part I: The Deception: The Blue and Orange Clown Unmasked; or, What Lies Behind the Veneer of Rabid Illini Fandom?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater would have us believe that he is a simple man with a simple mind and simple tastes. Fostering an online identity as a shallow but entertaining clown figure--his moniker perfectly captures his plebeian though genial comic aesthetic--desperately seeking the love and adulation of the masses, Noisewater has seemingly built the core of his persona around an unflinching loyalty to Bruce Weber, Illini Athletics, and the University of Illinois more generally.

Yet, given the persistent mediocrity of Illini sports teams and especially Coach Weber himself, it seems impossible to believe that any sane person could exhibit the level of enthusiasm for his beloved "Orange Crush" to the extent that Noisewater does. While it thus remains a distinct possibility that the Dr. is indeed a complete loon, I ask the CSFMB to consider another possibility--that Noisewater's seemingly harmless Illini fandom is a ruse, a key weapon in a comic arsenal designed to distract the CSFMB from the concerns of their daily lives as he pursues an agenda of global domination.

Indeed, if one scratches beneath the surface just a bit, some troubling connections and shadowy key players emerge:

_________________

Didn't Reason once call you a pudding headed loon?

Leave the short bus mouth breather from Podunk outta this.

_________________
There are only two examples of infinity: The universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the universe.

Either you've lost your fastball or you aren't nearly as entertaining now that I'm on the wagon. Probably a combination of both.

_________________
We all have private ails. The troublemakers are they who need public cures for their private ails.- Eric Hoffer

I hope the Cubs don't have as many problems holding leads as I have had.

_________________
You know me like that.

I think your new association with Swinging Dick is hurting you, Doc. That's a tough matchup when your going up against The Teflon Svengali of Change.

I shelved my convictions and voted in this match-up.
I reckon a vote for either one of these cocksuckers is by definition a shelving of one's convictions. So, I guess I repeat myself.

_________________
We all have private ails. The troublemakers are they who need public cures for their private ails.- Eric Hoffer

He never called me that, but I'm sure the thought crossed his mind on more than one occasion. I gave that name to myself for awhile. It seems about right.

_________________

I'm calling bullshit. It was 25-25 about 5 mins ago.

_________________

I agree spmack.

_________________
You know me like that.

The "Chicago way" of voting is not lost on this contest.

_________________
We all have private ails. The troublemakers are they who need public cures for their private ails.- Eric Hoffer

The Noisewater Acorn committee rises again.

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Vote often, vote often...

_________________
We all have private ails. The troublemakers are they who need public cures for their private ails.- Eric Hoffer

Wow. Peeps even showing up to switch votes in this final flurry of voting.

That's just low.

_________________
CSFMB: Home of the small minded

I don't think it's Noisewater himself who rigged this thing. But, as I've intimated already, there are people in very high places who would do anything to make sure the Dr. carried this "vote". Remember, freedom of choice belongs to the man who owns the ballot box:



The Noi$ewater Con$piracy continues...

_________________

This is really ruining the integrity of this entire contest.

Really, people, if we lose our integrity, what have we really got left?

I mean some of you really don't have much to spare.

_________________
You know me like that.

Citizens of the CSFMB!

I have just received disturbing news from some voting precincts in Ohio. It seems that many counties that have historically gone midget in the past have had their internet connections mysteriously severed just before they voted!!

Apparently the Noisewater plot goes much deeper than even I realized:

_________________

It also works my way, Doc

_________________
We all have private ails. The troublemakers are they who need public cures for their private ails.- Eric Hoffer

VITA UT TYRANNUS!!

_________________
You know me like that.

_________________