Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls and Internet Cretins of all ages! It’s Friday, and it’s time to vote for some douchebags.
We rounded out the 1st quarter a couple weeks ago by passing Jenny McCarthy and the Population of Erwin TN, both of which were defeated in the semis after a tough battle.
This week is going to cover weeks 14 and 15, so vote for two, and here they are!
HOVA: Nas/HOVA always complained that I didn’t include him in the Douchebag of the Week poll, so I am making special efforts to include him here today as
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater's nominee. Originally, HOVA was nominated for changing his name with the promise of changing back, but he never changed back. The new moniker is well over 1k posts already, so it’s still the same volume of nonsense, but it’s… different. Is HOVA a douchebag for not changing back?
EA/DICE: This is yet another in a very long streak of
lipidquadcab posts that I have no idea what the hell he’s talking about. When he’s not yelling boss boss boss or telling Ramirez to do something completely impossible (“Ramirez! Slap that racism out of Elmhurst Steve!”) he’s posting about… video game developers? I’ve stopped trying to understand the lad now, so you can just vote here if you don’t like EA/DICE.
Pigeons: Eaglo Jeff has dodged a poopmissle and it landed on one of his party. While seeing a poop plop on a friend is often hilarious and shoutout worthy for the foul fowl, Eaglo goes another direction with this douchebag nomination. Are the birds worthy of the honor of a douchebag of the week title? You have to vote, Chicago!
Carol Slezak: I pretty much support any Carol Slezak nomination, but this one comes with gusto.
Good dolphin nominated the dumbass “sports writer” for yet another fluff piece about Kerry Wood, now two years removed from the city. Also, in my humble opinion, we should give Paul Sullivan, hippie dumbfuck, an honorable mention for yesterdays article extolling Kevin Millar. What an ass. So if third rate reporting sticks in your craw, vote here!
Ben Rothelisberger rapes again: illili81887 fires at Big Ben for supposedly beating a woman and raping her (again). There’s a lot of smoke, but is there fire? Ben admits he had some contact with her in the bathroom, and since only classy people fuck in bar bathrooms, it’s unlikely that Ben would be the kind of guy to hurt or rape someone right? Does he have a douchebag coming or do you dudes think he was railroaded by someone looking to make a buck?
Michael Corrigan: Elmhurst Steve nominates a guy who doesn’t want black people living in his neighborhood. This nomination reminded me of that Larry Craig “I’m not gay” press conference. Of course you’re not gay, you just dig cock in your face. What’s wrong with that? We here at the douchebag of the week home office considered not using this nomination as we thought it was more likely supposed to be a shoutout and The Brand just posted in the wrong section, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and place his nomination here.
Alex Ovechkin: Nominated by
illini81887 for his nasty hit on Brian Campbell last week. Naturally a post about hockey brought out the resident CSFMB hockey expert, Shakes, who basically made a pud of himself through this thread. I think he made a pud out of himself all week too. Anyway, Campbell’s done for the season, Ovechkin is done for 2 games, and he’s up for this week’s honors. Can you make it happen CSFMB?
Maury Povich: Irish Boy nominated Maury for refusing to bring out a 4 year old on the stage, stating that he won’t exploit them like that. But Irish Boy remembers Fat Babies! I’ve never seen a Maury show per se, but I’ve seen Morton Downey and that frumpy chick with the glasses and that fat broad from “Hair” and that jerk from Cincy, and I think they’re all the same. Sucky.
Anti Blunt Wrap Clergy A-holes: Darkside nominated a bunch of Chicago clergy for getting on board with shutting down convenience stores for the sin of selling… cigars. Yes, cigars are the cause of all the horrible shit that goes down so they will put a family out of business in order to get their way. Or maybe we need the clergy to be a beacon of light and hope in a dar…. Fuck I couldn’t even finish that sentence without vorping right into my mouth. Blech.
St. Patrick’s Day: Time Travelling Bunny nominated St. Patty’s Day because he is sick of the douchebag that is 1% Irish, demands attention and gets drunk and crazy reinforcing poor Irish Stereotypes. There is a delicious amount of anger there in the post, so if you’ve not read it please do. We also got to hear from a dumbassed shakes in this thread, so if you’d like to reduce your IQ go ahead and read his nonsense too.
Multing: Bigfan is still throwing down the hammer on mults. Someone registered Kim Jung Il again, even creating a new email address (which isn’t really trouble, it takes about 2 minutes). I don’t know what kind of sick fuck would create a Kim Jung Il mult. Sounds like an asshole. If I were Bigfan, I’d smack the shit out of that bozo. I mean really, the guy doesn’t even speak English. How could he type here. Anyway, Biggie is screening all new members now so no one is sneaking one past the goalie, savvy? So stop trying. Kim jung Il… you gotta be fuckin kidding me.
There’s the nominees for Week 14 and 15. If your nominee wasn’t included, I didn’t like it. And this is my RODEO so unless you want to jeopardize your job and write this garbage once a week for me you can blow it out your blow hole!
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