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Alright...this is a little long. My friend Jennifer (Doug Leaguer) wrote this and just posted it on her facebook.
It's pretty interesting. I disagree with parts of it...still entertaining. worth a read on the shitter.
An Experimental Love Conquest....
Written July 14th, 2009
Turning 30 scared me half to death. Three years later, I have learned to love myself and to not waste as much time over the fickle emotions of men, much less what other people think of me. I draw my euphoria from music, dance floors, and perhaps the occasional shot of Jameson. Does that sound lonely to you? Well, it doesn't feel that way. In terms of sex, I have always found that the anticipation is more exhilarating than following through with the act. See, men like the chase too, but they want the finish. They want to conquer. Well it doesn't work that way for me anymore. Give the man sex, and then he will gradually lose interest in you. There's no storybook idea where the guy actually wants to build a friendship with you and be your best friend, and then continue to show his appreciation through sex. Nope. It doesn't work that way. If you do snag a man like that, trust me, he's boring as hell, never goes out, and probably doesn't know how to fuck.
There is never ALL of everything women want in one man. There's always something missing. He may not have money, time, skills, personality, or loyalty. I think this is why I have learned to distance myself from men all together. If he isn't going to be everything I want, then I am not interested. I have gone from mothering boyfriends, financially supporting them, to myself being the one who was controlled. Being that I had the controlling boyfriend from the beginning, I tended to pick up less dominating personalities. This only got worse over time. It wasn't that I wanted control, but I ended up wearing the pants in my relationships. That wasn't any fun either. Bottom line, men have ADD when it comes to women. It seems like they do not know how to balance their lifestyle. Men don't need to excel in everything, but they could make an effort to maintain all aspects of their life. Instead it's more like a yo-yo effect where only certain aspects are given attention when they hit rock bottom -- sometimes only when it is too late.
My coworkers, my second family, of all the subject matters we covered at work, and I mean we covered everything, love prevailed every time. All of us have always been there for each other, but we never seem to have the same exact perspective. I guess a lot of that falls under the fact that we are different in age. My coworkers, and female friends outside of work, have crazy advice. All of it differs from one girl to the next. So I decided to be silly about it. I decided to follow the advice of every girl. Doing this, for me, has put the entertainment back into the dating scene. I can honestly laugh on the times I get the response from the guy that was intended from my friends; as much as I love laughing at myself when something completely different happens. I have no idea of where to take the conversation or how to act in that particular situation.
There are a few guys I've had my eye on, but I must say: when they do not have my heart, and I'm not in a hurry, following advice that can completely contradict from the previous bit is extremely entertaining. I don't mean to be an ass to these guys. In theory, I am not demanding anything of them or even trying to force an issue. I just watch their reactions from what I have put out there, based off of advice given from about 8 different women. Essentially it keeps everything lighthearted in my attitude toward men. People, I'm bored. I feel like men aren't even worth my time anymore, and I have grown quite accustomed to living on my own. I have my routine. It doesn't include a white picket fence and children.
Yes, I am an asshole. Parts of me just don't care anymore. On the other hand, I have a very sweet heart. I am very endearing. Unfortunately, I have been shot down so many times, that I don't bother to tap into it anymore. I might, here or there, if it means I can draw another out of their shell, or to see what they do with it. More times than not, I get ignored because it involves them having to truthfully explain their direction. Perhaps the harsher reality: I am not physically what they are looking for. Maybe if I had peroxide hair, and darker tan, short cocktail dress, and stilettos, maybe things would be different. That doesn't hurt me I just wish they would tell me that they aren't interested. I hate it that guys will take a piece of ass from anything that moves. Men just want sex all the time, and they look at women they wouldn't normally go for falling under the category of "keeping your options open." Most importantly, there are two major evils of men that are always the same: time and money. It's always both and there's a spectrum of situations stemming from that.
Men who make a lot of money never have any time. Men who don't make a lot of money will not have the time either. Men who squander are just boring. The best lovers are always flat broke. They are amazing lovers because that is all they have to give. Men with money will take you out on a hot date, but then at the end of the date, they expect you to turn around and physically show them something for the nice dinner and entertainment they provided you on the town. I don't like either of those situations. Guys, you can tell me what a bitch I am for saying it, but I have broken it down this way with women from ALL walks of life. They all laugh at me and say something like, "You know, I never thought about it, but it's TRUE! Oh wow!"
What I can't stand is when I find a guy who is everything. He works hard, makes time, and pays attention to what money he has. He isn't perfect, but perfection isn't necessary. His efforts show in his economical car, and having his own little place, and he dresses modestly. Everything he has he appreciates and maintains. What's wrong? The guy has children. This is irritating. It happens to me all the time. Now it's just on the laundry list of items I go through when I first meet a guy. I've tried to date a guy with children. Ladies, you never come first (as it should be, but I am not looking to share unless it's my own children) and the ex is always in the way, bitching about something he forgot to do. Lets say I decided to stay with this guy, and I got pregnant. If I have the child, that child comes AFTER all of his first children financially. Oh hell NO. I refuse to make that compromise. In the unlikely event that I do have children, they will be the first of that man's offspring. Bottom line: there's always something I find out about a man that "kills it" for me emotionally.
So here I am following advice from my coworkers because it's entertaining. I am seriously bored and I need a reason to make pursuing men fun like it once was for me. Don't get me wrong, it makes no difference, it doesn't change the scenario, but it's still fun. I especially enjoy it when the advice is not like me at all and not the way I would normally handle a situation. The funniest thing that happened to me was when I followed the advice, and I actually get the guy to ask me to hang out. Once he did, I didn't know where to go with that. I had no crazy advice for the next step. So it was like that candy bar commercial where you take a bite out of the candy bar to take a moment to think about your answer, only I think he got redirected by one of his friends. Total save. The next day I was ready to report back my progress with my team. "What next, ladies?" I'm such a jerk.
Guys, I am so sorry. It's just that I'm sick of you never stepping to the plate. You never know what you want, and when you finally to get something, it isn't good enough. Then after all of your hot mess you made by "unintentionally" screwing with the mind of the woman who has consented to open herself to you emotionally, you seem to think you have a right to walk out of it clueless, wondering why the she is so pissed. I just saw the movies XX/XY and Two Lovers-- both involving a male who cannot make a decision between two women. XX/XY is better because the woman picks up on it and tosses the guy out. She knows she's only "second best," and that he's only settling for her because who he really wanted decided to marry someone else. It is such a beautiful scene, watching him get served. She spells it all out for him too. He looks so devastated, but he deserves it. In Two Lovers, Joaquin Phoenix recycles a Cartier wedding ring in less than ten minutes after Gwyneth Paltrow turns him down. That's messed up, but it's really how men are.
Ladies, aren't you just sick of investing your time? It's our turn. Should we really have to settle on some boring, money squandering male who seems to have forgotten what it was like to have fun? Also, why should we have to consent to dealing with the scum of the earth just so we can get a decent piece of ass? Is it even worth our energy to train the money rolling corporate douche bag how to fuck us? In every situation, we are the ones forced to compromise. Never once do any of these corporate men decide to get off their ass, spend just a little money for a moment, for the fun of living life. Why can't the poor ass motherfucker invest the time to take a girl on a walk through the park on a nice day? For all men, does "the hustle" really last for that long out of the seven days you're given in a week? Hell no.
We need to stop fucking men all together until men learn how to behave again. Somewhere through the cracks of Rosie the Riveter, the hippy feminist movement, and the liberation of the 90's woman, slipped the impression men could now stop treating women like ladies, along with putting an end to treating them less than equal in the workplace. Now all we have done as women is allowed men to find more creative ways to pay us less professionally for the same position, and manipulate our independence by refusing to fully commit to being a decent boyfriend. Guys, we like a little mystery, but once you got us, we just hate to wonder. What the fuck? Men, I am not your servant, and I am not your mother. I am not going to chase your ass anymore. I am better off ending a night of drinking with a Redtube video, 8 1/2 inch cyber jelly dong, vibrator, and some lube.
Older generations aren't any different. The men may have more respect for the woman under the institution of marriage, and the fear that God is watching; but the man is still unhappy and wishes he were single. The only point keeping him there with her is a supposed God? Wow. Seriously, he wishes he were still out there on the prowl, chasing after a new piece of ass. On the other hand, I will find that a Christian male can become too distracted by God. This is only how I see it, and I don't think everyone has to see it this way. If you don't like this, then make like a Christian and tell yourself "Oh she's just lost, but we still love her." I'm cool with that. Say what you want. I need to be put first. I have found that a man is too spiritual for me when he is always off and celebrating his relationship with the man upstairs. It's definitely a deal breaker when he's one of those personalities that runs around proclaiming "I'm READY!!!" This is referring how much he can't wait to die, basically, and be closer to God. Death is inevitable. On the other hand, that kind of Jesus high is a little too much for me. Give momma a fan so I can cool myself off from all that spiritual heat. mmm mmm mmm. lol
Check out 1982 cheesy psych drama, Prince of Tides. Nick Nolte plays a washed up coach named Tom. In the end of the movie, his character is quoted as saying, "Every man should be granted two separate lives." Nolte's character had the family he didn't want to focus on with the traditional Southern wife. On the side, there was the hot shrink in ....New York.... with all the pretty clothes and fancy parties. Other men in older generations may have chosen to keep mistresses. That doesn't make it any better. In the end, if religion is true, those men will pay. In my generation of men, I think all of them will end up rotting in hell. Thankfully, it is none of my business whether they do or not.
Men, I hope you realize that I know women can be the ones who ruin you. One thing I've noticed is that all of you are the most beautiful when left to run in your own environment. I see too many times where a woman tries to change a man. As a woman, it's to be expected that the boyfriend sticks with his one girlfriend. However, there are some girlfriends who seem to keep their man on a choke chain refusing him to even do one thing where the venue involves lots of single women being there (the concept of using invisible fencing for your wandering children somehow comes off as more amusing). I have never kept a boyfriend who has tried to police me like this. Call it sadistic, or tell me I am living in a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I'd rather send my man out into the wolves. If he's going to choose someone else, let him. I want the man to be with me. I won't find that out if I have a tight leash on him. Where is the trust if you have to worry every five minutes about his location (That doesn't mean I like my man to fall off the radar with no communication.)? Ladies, if this is how you are about your man, you either knew who he was before you got involved, or you need to let go of your baggage from the last asshole that treated you that way.
Men, that doesn't mean you can sit there and decide to have your career with a little fun here and there on the side. I hate men who are too cheap to purchase prostitutes, yet willing to ruin a good woman's feelings for a one night stand of free sex. It pisses me off because you think you deserve to fuck, then leave a girl who is more innocent in your eyes and possibly free of social disease. This goes along with the money it costs to pay for sex. You're probably thinking that too. No non-prostitute should give up sex so easily, but shit happens. Women in their twenties aren't all the time mature enough to understand that. That's why older men just love to pray on their idealism.
If a young woman has liked a guy for a long time, and the opportunity presents itself where she finally is alone with her male friend, she may decide it is ok to give it all at once. If she knows him, it's always easier, and the guy probably doesn't care one way or the other. She's just always been around him, waiting for him to notice her. This is partially her own damn fault if she ends up wondering why he fucked her and left her! It would just be nice if men were more upfront with what it was they wanted. This is crucial during your 20's. She needs to know, yet men seem to think that they will get turned down if they say that all they want is sex. I don't think that is necessarily true. Man, you're just an ass if you draw that shit out more than three hook-ups. Emotions will get in the way, and that spells trouble. Guys, just keep it honest! That way if she still decides to sleep with you, it's on her if she gets attached.
Again, I am not lonely, but I do know that my perspective is very dark. So after lots of personal self-reinforcement, I go out. I now have my sources of euphoria without regrets, and I try to be bubbly when it comes to men. If that isn't enough by the time I get home, there's always Redtube. There's always something you don't see every day on there. Look, I'm not out to hate men, but I am not out to try and make things happen either. A popular piece of advice proclaims that you shouldn't try anyway. I love my freedom, and I do not answer to anyone except for when I am at work. I am happy that I do not have pressure from my family to have children. I do not feel any need to marry. This is why I have drawn a new found enjoyment in strictly following the advice of everyone else. If anything, it will inspire more situations where I see myself in that commercial again, reaching for a candy bar, not knowing what to say. Or I could just act like my drinking affects my hearing along with the ability to understand what you just said.
_________________ @audioidkid spaulding wrote: Also if you fuck someone like they are a millionaire they might go try to be one.
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I kept waiting to read the same thing too.
