There are so many massive utility trucks outside my house right now it looks like they are rebuilding the entire power grid of the Midwest.

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My Maserati does 186.

Let's get real Dr. Ken! No chance. None.

IceGirl, I need to get a professional opinion from you: It is my wedding anniversary. My wife has a very good friend who is moving to a distant state on Sunday. The friends are all throwing a going away party for her tonight. My wife is going to the party rather than spending the night with me. Is this a bad statement about our relationship?

I tend to think not. We celebrated late last night and this really is last time to see her close friend.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

In other words, dolphin is free tonight in case you were wondering.

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I'm never free

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

fucking people who park their cars across the sidewalk in their driveways. what a PITA when I am trying to use the sidewalk.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

Is this friend hot? Did you bang her?

Funny you should ask: The short answer is no. In fact, I don't think there is a single one of her close friends that I'd entertain the notion of sharing a no strings attached moment. Ironically, this allows me to be much more charming around them which probably increases my desirability. Life sucks sometimes.

Anyway, this woman has a teenaged son. The son has some older teenaged friends. One of them confided in the woman that he found her attractive. Even she had to respond that if out of all the older women in the world, she was the one he found attractive, then he had some major problems.

My wife, unfortunately seems to find friendship with the older mother's of kids in the same class as my kids. I was thinking about it the other day and there are a few who are closer to my dad's age than my age. They are the grizzled veterans who are on their last child at the same time we are on our first. I have asked her to make friends with the younger mothers on their first children in our youngest child's class but that has not happened.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

That is like a double take down- she's says "no", and then goes on to say how dumb he would be to even want to. Ouch.

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Hawaii (fuck) You

The kid showed a lot of balls with the move. I suppose he thought there would be no downside if she said no. Unfortunately he didn't realize she would emasculate him. Good for him to learn that lesson early in life.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

post-40 years old, the % of attractive moms drops like an anvil in a helium cavern.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

you have to grade on a scale at some point just to keep things fair

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Stop fat shaming.

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My Maserati does 186.

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

Having neighbors, who don't attend board meetings, text me (I'm on the board) with questions about our HOA. Fuck outta here. Attend the meeting if you want to know the answer. I can't walk my dog half the time without someone asking me about a tree, a pothole, etc.

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-- source

I was President of our HOA with 500 homes in it for a while back in the day. We'd get 5 people to a meeting if we were lucky. Usually the board and an old racist dude who asked our police liaison if he could shoot somebody that tried to open his front door.

Well, our garbage decided to go from stickers to mandatory containers. Shit hit the fan. I set up a message board, phone hotline, newsletter, email distribution, created a website, and door-to-door flyers to get the word out. Sure enough, next board meeting there's 200 people there ready to scream at me. Fun.

Anyway, this one old woman complained that she never heard anything about it. I said we emailed, put it on the hotline, put it on the website, etc. She said "I DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT". I said we also sent out information in the mail. She said "WHAT IF I DON'T READ THE MAIL?" I punched her and said I don't need this shit.

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My Maserati does 186.

Did she press charges?

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But did she ever get out of your car?

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

my garage door cable just snapped. Fuck.

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

I was at a customer's house when the spring blew. One hell of a racket and it busted the windshield of her car.
Any damage from the cable?

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Happened to me a few months back. Luckily no car damage, but it puts the door out of commission.

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Hawaii (fuck) You

I'm not home yet, but I don't think anything else was damaged.

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ComEd decided tonight would be a good time to fix our transformer. So, power is out from 8pm-Midnight.

I didn't want to watch the All-Star Game anyway.

At least they gave us 20 minutes notice so we could make plans and get things in order. I'm sure they just decided at 7:30pm to do this. No time to let anyone know.

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My Maserati does 186.

Yeah, but the good news is that you can drink a bittle of vodka in 4 hours before it gets warm.

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I'm off to a good start.

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My Maserati does 186.

i guess that indian burial ground your neighborhood was built on is finally getting its revenge. hope no one in your house has braces or a clown doll.

A bittle lasts longer than a bottle. With a conserving device maybe 6 hours.

Chick fil A worker at Pittsburgh airport came right out of the crapper and straight back to work without washing his hands.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

How do you know this?