"Actually getting the Kars 4 Kids number wrong" is how the neurologist confirms you have dementia.

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Hudson 8 5 Seven Thousand

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Three words: High quality poops.

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I love the Smirnoff Seltzer stay at home ads. The Batista one cracks me up

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When I am stuck and need to figure something out I always remember the Immortal words of Socrates when he said:"I just drank what?"

"Terry" from Weed Man can go fuck himself and his testimonials.

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That's the out of state version

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Yeah, that didn't sound right.

HUdson 3-2 Seven Hundred

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The latest Advent Nose commercial includes the line "...chip away at your life's expiration date," which, in addition to being really dark copy for what I'm pretty sure is just outpatient nasal surgery, has to be one of the more baffling metaphors I've ever heard in my life. I don't even know how to start breaking it down to make fun of it. "Chip away at your life's expiration date." What do I do with that?

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Yeah, "chip away" would imply shortening it, not extending it. Idiots.

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No, I think Dr. Modern Kandula or whatever is referring to shortening one's life expectancy due to compromised breathing, problem is he's such a drip that the whole read is in-one-ear-out-the-other until a clanger like "chip away at your life's expiration date" grabs you. How do you erode a single point in time? Then what happens? Ahh!

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Ah, gotcha.

A few years ago I was considering buying some baby furniture from an online seller and asked if the item came with a warranty. The guy's response was something like, "your kid's life will end before this thing breaks." Nice imagery.

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I don't know if you guys know this but Innovative Wellness takes insurance.

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Lelo Hex condoms...because condoms "break too often." Don't know about you guys, but I have never broken a condom or even heard of one breaking. You could stretch one over an entire broomstick and not break it.

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I have to say the latest Blue Cross commercial where the guy is stranded on desert island (resort) is pretty funny.

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I'm tired of the whiney couple who can't get AT&T's new fiber network. Comcast won't bring their shitty cable internet or television to my house either, so fuck off. Take your "empty glass" and break it and swallow the shards.

Hey Sam Waterson I don't give a shit about your sea animals, grocery bags or you having a choice when you purchase a beverage. STFU you has been.

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Elections have consequences.

The commercial for Prevagen, the brain supplement, boasts that "the secret is an ingredient that was originally discovered...in jellyfish!" (and then shows a jellyfish).

I'm trying to figure out why they think that would impress people.

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Why is Clayton Kershaw stealing cars to go catch a fly ball?

Yea. I can't wait until they find some part of that shit causes cancer

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the world will always the world. your entire existence is defined by your response.

there are so many these days that suck the root, but there's a new shingles ad featuring some middle aged married couple that do that fucking dragged out, high pitched "whaaaaaat?" shit that i don't know how got popular ever. but i'd rather suffer from the ebola virus, and have a body full of recluse spider bites while being set on fire than listen to that.

Herb Lawrence doing a read for Fan Duel: "Fan Duel can satisfy all of your gambling needs," and then a few seconds later, "if you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."

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The latest Advent Nose commercial where sleep apnea is like having someone break into your house and strangle you in your bed 100 times every night or something. The jaunty production music really clashes with Dr. Modern Kandula solemnly intoning a description of what's basically a murder scene.

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what's with this Chime commercial where the girl says she goes into the office bragging that she got paid 2 days early
Who the hell brags about getting paid at work ? And your schedule isn't changing, so the '2 days early' thing only really applies the first time

it really bothers me that when she says her name you can't understand it- i think her name is Julisa.

Glad I found this thread...

The radio commercials about not crossing train tracks around lowered gates has me going crazy.

Annoying broad that makes me glad I fuck men: "There was a SUV, and a gate... and... oh my god.... a train... its still going... its still going..."
Bored disinterested dispatcher: "are you trying to say a train hit an suv?"

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This signature space is available for inappropriate, suggestive, and lewd ideas.

There's a three-minute commercial about how it's okay to be gay. It's for Oreos. This is a joke I would make about shitlibs in advertising but it's real, folks.

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Agreed on the first part.

If it's similar to something like Netspend, then, yes, you get paid up to two days early. It shows up in your account 2 days earlier than the normal direct deposit for each pay period.

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Sex isn't dirty, sex isn't a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

-Hank Kingsley

Advent Nose getting into pseudo-Mountain Goats lyrics: "You shouldn't have to sit on the sidelines of the life you were meant to live."

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