Over the weekend I came across a NBA Showtime arcade machine at Gameworks, where for the first time in years I got to play some proper classic NBA Jam. Going into the game I always remembered the 3D polygons being sluggish and the game being not quite right, but as I got into the groove I was amazed to remember "OMFG! THIS IS MY NBA JAM! IT JUST FEELS SO RIGHT!" and that's when I decided that THE INTERNETS NEED MY DEFINITIVE THOUGHTS ON THE "NEW" NBA JAM FOR THE MAJOR CONSOLES!
It just... man. That game was so damn tight and imminently playable... I mean, it was the quintessential arcade game. Even though you've played it to death, it's just such simple visceral fun that you can play it again and again and just be like YEAH! To me, NBA Jam was the watershed moment of arcade basketball games. While there were the exaggerated dunks and the HE'S ON FIRE crap, beneath it was a perfectly-executed game with tight controls that allowed you to literally rock out like you had force lightning extending from your hands. Yeah. After experiencing that for the first time in a good hot minute, I had to go to the Facebooks and type up my review of NBA Jam for the Wii for nobody in particular. I don't know the latin for "I babble, therefore I am" but if you know what it is just imagine that saying as I pull a SIR LARRY OF SHAKE THAT and belt out LET'S GO!!!!!@ a few seconds before calmly saying "Hello Lance" to juxtapose my mania.
A few weeks ago after I cashed my paycheck I had a jonesing to play my favorite video game of all-time, NBA Jam. My lil brother has been cool enough to let me get a nice long-term borrowing of the Wii (saying "his Wii" just didn't sound right =) so even though he's likely going to buy the game for the 360 down the road once it gets down to the ~$20 realm, I said "Fuck it, I could easily drop $40 on a night out at the bar, I'm going to get me some NBA Jam."
The premise seems perfect: take an old game that at its peak was damn near perfect; then merely update the rosters upgrade the graphics/sound-quality, add in the ability to play pickup games online, and BAM!! you've got a winner! You'd have to be seriously retarded to fuck this one up.
Lamentably, it seems that's what EA has managed to do with the Wii version of NBA Jam.
First of all, even though I knew this going into the purchase, THERE IS NO MULTIPLAYER. WHAT THE FRACKING FRIGGITY FIZZUCK IS UP WITH THAT?! Originally, EA planned to release NBA Jam as a standalone title on the Wii with the 360/PS3 versions being a toss-in bonus disc accompanying NBA Elite 11... however, Andrew Bynum decided to become jesus and crucify himself at center court (
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9I3sf7TOAE ) and NBA Elite was so horribly bad that EA decided to make NBA Jam a standalone 360/PS3 game.
I mention that because you'd think that with the Wii version being the original standalone title that there'd have been more effort and stuff in the Wii version as opposed to the other 2... but not so! In fact, multiplayer was never on the table for the Wii, while it was evidently going to be there for the 360/PS3 AS A THROW IN GAME! Maybe it's the retarded nintendo friend code (can i has pedophile in my wii mario kart game?) or... man I just don't fucking know. Do it like mario kart where it's all random people, and perhaps you could set up a "Beginner / Average / Expert" type thingy where you and opponents are matched up based on what level of gameplay you want. Bah.
OK so whatever, BAWWWW away jimmy boy I can't play random pickup games with people 24/7/365. I'm not going to review this game for people who haven't played NBA Jam, cuz the odds are if you're reading this thread you've played it before and/or you're moderately interested in what I think about it.
As I said before, NBA Jam was basically a perfect game by the time they released the initial update, NBA Jam tournament edition. I used to irc in efnet's pretty-legendary-in-the-industry #vidgames back in the past, and one of the channel regulars worked at midway and helped to develop the game. He told me that the game engine derives the % of likelihood that you make a shot based on a combination/equation-comprised-of of a few factors:
1) the player's stats, which are rudimentarily set on a 1-9 scale with a differentiation between 2pt and 3pt.
2) pixels: from there, your shot % is derivative based on how many pixels you are away from the basket (with 2pt/3pt being their own zones) and then how many pixels you are above a defender when you release the ball. Obviously, if a defender is above you he's going to block it, otherwise, the more space you clear between you and the outstretched hands of your defender the higher % you're going to make the shot. It was all about height and distance.
3) CPU Assistance. By default, NBA Jam/TE adds/subtracts to/from a player's shot % given the score of the game, at the rate of 1% per point. Example: If you're up 10 points, all of your shots have a 10% less chance of going in while your opponents have a 10% greater chance of having their shot go in. In their eyes, this would lead to games being closer and more competitive and thus compel people to pump in more quarters and play further. It's the great equalizer... Naturally, back when you had the pre-tip 3-symbol-code system, you'd hit A B and C once and then hit down to enable tournament mode, where all CPU assistance was turned off. This would actually allow you to win a game by 20+ points if you were truly kicking ass.
4) wildcards: even in NBA Jam/TE every player had their own unique "hot spots", i.e. 2 or 3 spots on the floor where their shot % goes up dramatically. There was a cheat in NBA Jam/TE where you could enable a "debug mode" type thing where it'd show the shot % of every shot taken, and this was a proper method to discover your player's hotspots. Naturally, being on fire would make every reasonable shot have a 97-99% chance of going in, thus compelling your opposition to shove, steal, and block accordingly, cuz if you started getting 3s off it was good night!
Slap all of those together and you've got the fundamentals of the game. The other aspect of the game is the AI itself, which you figure wouldn't be a problem. By NBA Jam TE, and especially in Hangtime/Showtime, your AI drone was responsive, which perfectly complemented your tight controls. Even the most ridiculous giant dunks could be reverted to a slick dish out pass to your AI buddy, who you could implore to shoot by hitting the shoot button, allowing 3pt greatness. Similarly, at nearly any point through a dunk you could have the AI guy kick it out to you for an open 3.... it was like pageantry at work! Tapping the turbo button twice at any point executed a spin which could negate the computer's late/2nd-half shove-a-palooza defense, and also buy you a few precious seconds to dunk or give and go for a three. Couple that with the basic defense system of swipe-steal/shove, jump/block (with/without turbo respectively) and boom, you've got the makings of a perfect little arcade game....
and EA managed to go and fuck that up.
First of all, YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE GODDAMN CONTROLS IN THIS GAME! Allow me to repeat that: when you go to the **OPTIONS MENU** and select controls, YOU ARE UNABLE TO CHANGE ANY OF THE CONTROLS FOR THE GAME! Granted there's the WIIMOTE shit where like, I'm supposed to wave my magic wand to shoot (literally), the game's controls GALLERY (I refuse to call them options) showing the "oldschool" SNES-style-pad, which I have, and shows you all of the buttons and says what they can do...
Since the game obviously works with the oldschool pad and has it prominently displayed in the options gallery, is it technically impossible to change the control setup for that pad? HELLO MCFLY, YOU'RE RECOGNIZING THIS PAD AND ALLOWING ME TO USE IT, HOWEVER, I HAVE TO USE YOUR CONTROLS?!!
You see, much like the SNES version, it lays out the default controls to have the pad buttons atop the controller to be the turbo, with X shooting, A passing, and B for spinning/crossovering. The problem is that this re-designed "oldschool" controller seems to have younger kids in mind, as some of the buttons aren't necessarily the most ergonomically yeah experience for a 6'4" guy with appropriately sized hands. In this case, having to hold down the top L pad button starts to cause strain on my finger BY THE END OF THE FIRST QUARTER! You can technically use the tip of your finger to push the Z1 button as well, but that doesn't feel as "natural" as does holding down L. Most of my NBA Jam/Hangtime/Showtime time was spent with a Gravis Gamepad/N64 Controller/Dreamcast controller respectively, and while the latter DC controller isn't that great, at least I could change the buttons around. Typically, using SNES button names, I'd assign the turbo to the A button, having X shoot and B steal/swipe/pass etc. This way would allow me to rest the base of my thumb on the turbo button and then rotate it around to pass/shoot. Without that option here, I'm literally left hurt and crying in my superlong internet messages.
On to the gameplay: I have no idea if the Midway programmers were sworn to secrecy on how they programmed the game's AI, but your CPU-controlled teammate is retarded in this game. 95% of the time they're hovering due north of the top of the key waiting for you to pass the ball to them. Something like 20% of the time they'll eventually run in and jump up for the alley-oop.... after you've already penetrated the lane and gone up for your own dunk. Gone from the game is the ability to hit the shoot button to tell them to shoot, although I believe there is some means of "suggesting" that they shoot. Regardless, it's not as tight as the old games where you could draw a double team going up for a dunk and dish it off to them for an instant shot... they simply don't do that. However, while playing as the Heatles with Dwyane Wade as my CPU teammate, he'll sometimes go to shoot a three.... and what does he do? He holds on to the shot way too long and shoots it at a funny time, which either allows it to be easily blocked or, if wide open, clank off of the rim.
Through approximately ~30-40 games, I have yet to have a CPU assisted teammate hit a wide open 3pt shot that I set up for them. To say that's quite frustrating is an indelible understatement, especially when you're dealing with the opposing computer AI.
I haven't tried the game on Easy difficulty, as given my past history with the game I find insulting that I'd have to resort to playing an obviously inferior opponent. I WAS 73-0 ON THE NBA HANGTIME MACHINE AT UIC THANK YOU DRIVE THROUGH! Anyhow, seeing as thus far I haven't found a way to turn off CPU assistance by entering the equivalent of the OG game's "tournament edition" code, you're going to deal with a heaping helping of Computer-Assisted goodness.
Aside from the aforementioned shot %s going up and down depending on the score, as the game gets into clutch time the computer eventually unleashes the dobermans on you. No doubt there is some sort of programming in there to "learn" from its mistakes in guarding you throughout the game, as if you keep going to the well with the same moves they'll eventually be obliterated ~75% of the time that you try them. Couple that with the overall more aggressive tendencies of the CPU opponents in the 2nd half, and you're bound to have some bitchass experiences. Sometimes you'll be helpless as a ~12 point lead gets whittled down to 3 as the computer gets into shove-o-rama mode and proceeds to summarily demolish your offensive opportunities.
Given that your AI teammate is dumb as rocks and mostly camping behind the 3pt line, there are some times in the game where the opponents decide they're getting the ball back.. and there's almost nothing you can do about it. The crossover might work 1/3 or 1/4 times, odds are any jump shot will be blocked. If you try to pump-fake you'll get shoved. If you stop to throw elbows they'll take a step back then step up to shove you right as you finish. If you pass to your teammate he's ~75% likely to get shoved/stripped/etc. Did I mention that it's really hard to shoot three point shots in this game? Even in the first half, 90% of the time you're going to have to commit to a pump fake and/or elbows throwing fit in order to get one up... as the game goes on, especially when you're up by ~7+ points, the computer tends to block every jump shot and have an answer for your every move to free up for one.
Don't get me wrong, this DOES make you hustle and really have to rock out on your skills... but when the computer gets into bitchmode it'd be nice to have that old AI teammate from the olden days, not to mention, it'd be nice to have the timing of the old game back where it was infinitely easier to pass out of a dunk, or to hit shoot again and turn a dunk into a layup. I reckon if I had the old AI back from say, NBA Hangtime, I'd be able to floss on hard or even insane difficulty. As it is, more often than I'd care to admit I end up having really "good" games on medium because of the limitations of the controls/AI. Quite honestly, I get the vibe that the programmers were so worried about the animation on their trademark dunks that they put all of the focus on that and thus were less inclined to allow the flexibility to turn the dunk into a layup or pass.
All in all, the one thing to take out of this is that the computer assisted AI really really hurts you... basic staples of the gameplay since NBA Jam/TE are either gone or so hard to pull off that it detracts away from the overall gameplay. It's still NBA Jam, however, it just doesn't feel right. I certainly hope that the 360/PS3 versions have a bit more of that feeling, but I'm not going to hold my breath as the odds are that they're merely ports of the same game engine/programming/etc.
Oh yeah there's some special world tour mode that basically tilts the screen around to give you that vintage Jordan vs Bird setup and there's games of 21, some weird fucking game where you have to "own" spots or something, and eventually I hear there's boss battles.... who cares really? It's OK to play but honestly nobody really gives a shit about that... after the nostalgia wears off you're just left with an unholy fusion of Jordan vs Bird and NBA Jam.
All in all, I'd still rate the game a solid 6 because deep down at it's convoluted core it's still NBA Jam. The basic tenets of the game are still there, even though they're hurt by literally-painful controls, dumbass AI, and the most egregious thing: the shanking of the classic NBA Jam timing that allowed you to have total control in flossing over some scrubs in the game. The updated rosters are definitely a plus (even tho who doesn't love playing as Cedric Ceballos?) and some updated colloquialisms for the announcer are nice... and I bet the multiplayer pickup games are nice on the 360/PS3.
Basically, the vinal verdict is that I'll play this game... I'll beat this game... maybe I'll figure out some super secret timing where I'm better with the dunk-passes that you have to dish off way too early, or maybe I can figure out the secret command to suggest that my AI teammate shoot, yeah, I'll beat this game... but a year or two down the road when I want to play classic NBA Jam, I'd sooner bust out the PC gamepad and go for NBA Jam TE, or the N64's version of Hangtime, or even the Dreamcast's NBA Showtime. This game just doesn't feel like pure NBA Jam, it's kind of like Ripley from Alien 3 or 4 or whenever when 100 years later they created a clone of her from some leftover DNA... and that's kind of sad when your favorite game makes a much-needed comeback.
FINIS.
Anyone who read this please enter special code VINNYBALL! to redeem your prize.
# thehonorablesirdradmiraljamesdangerawesomeXXXVII,esquire.
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