I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be self-promoting my website on this message board... but if you guys get bored take a look at my serial novel at http://www.the-barista.com.

Also, if there are any web developers out there that might have some suggestions as to how I can make my site look a little better, feel free to let me know by responding here or by emailing me at the-bari@the-barista.com

Not to be a grammar cop, but you missed the "S" in "installments" on the home page. FYI.

I'll read through it when I get a chance.

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You know me like that.

Trust me, all grammar corrections are appreciated.

No offense, but I stopped reading after the first few paragraphs. To me, what I read of your work seemed more like an outline of a novel--or perhaps a bland journalistic account of your subject matter--than a fictional narrative. In my opinion, the first couple of paragraphs of a novel--especially a good one--should grab the reader's attention by introducing him to a distinct imaginative world. Think, for instance, of the opening passages of Don Delillo's White Noise, Dickens' Great Expectations , Hammett's Red Harvest, Chandler's The Big Sleep, Dreiser's Sister Carrie Faulkner's The Sound and the Fury or Melville's Moby Dick. In reading these texts, one has the feeling of being instantly transported into a new world, of being shown something for the first time. Your writing, instead, does so much telling, is so heavily distanced from its subject matter that it is almost entirely drained of any subjectivity, of anything that makes a novel a novel, and of anything that makes creative writing creative.

These comments may sound harsh, but they're not meant to be discouraging. I simply think you are in the very early stages of discovering your narrative voice, of figuring out what you want to say and how you will say it. But the fact is that you need to do so and would probably benefit from studying the opening passages to any of your own favorite literary texts while paying special attention to how they immerse the reader in a unique experience, how they create a distinctive system of meaning from the very first word.

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I appreciate your comments and will take your suggestions into consideration.


To explain, however, I never really set out with an end in sight for this piece of work. In essense, I will attempt to make this a sort of narrative blog that parallels "real life" and covers events in our lives that occur in real-time. You are correct in your assumption that I am finding my narrative voice, as this is my first real attempt at fictional writing in this context. I have faith, however, that as time goes on and the characters begin to take form I will be able to win over those readers who prefer a more "structured" approach.

In that case, I wouldn't describe it as a novel--serial or otherwise. It seems more like a slightly fictionalized journal that may later evolve into the starting point for a novel. To many readers, the word "novel" carries with it a set of expectations and conventions that must be acknowledged even if they are to be violated.

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DIY - www.ebookmall.com/aboutebooks.htm - Go for it.