David Kaplan, a man who is all over Comcast SportsNet today like herpes on a whore, all of a sudden has this absolutely hilarious sleazy molester looking goatee going on. I didn't think he could really add to his usual unintentionally-hilarious eggheaded-alien-looking-motherfucker look, but he's managed to do so in such a way that will put a smile on the faces of anyone who dislikes this smarmy kiss-the-ring yuppie father-of-the-year (seriously, who the fuck calls someone father of the year?) douchebag asshole! It's pure joy, i tell you!

i'm going to have to search for a screencap or quite possibly make one, but rest assured I'll find a way to post it for those who haven't seen it. Call it a hunch this thing's going to end up becoming an abortion in the very near future, so be sure to look for it ASAP if you haven't seen it yet.... this goatee is so worth the effort of making a thread about it, it's just that bad and spittake-inducing that I have to send as many people as i possibly can to go and laugh at it: trust me on this one.

DAVID KAPLAN HATERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!!!! LET'S FORM VOLTRON AND TELL IT LIKE IT *REALLY* IS!!

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I have ripped Kaplan on here for his "kissassyness". BUT,I too am a baldman with a goatee. I think mine looks good. I'm also aware of the fact that there are not too many styling options when you are bald. So it's either a porno 'stache,cheezy goatee,full beard or clean shaven. Take a look around though. Bald guys with goatees are taking over the world.

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

all you need to know about Kaplan is that this is a board devoted to sports talk radio, he has been in the industry in this city fo 20 years and he is almost never mentioned

I'd say he is less relevant than Lou Cannellis

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

The fact that grandpa made you shave your beard really pisses you off, huh?

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

Theo must like goatees

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

Anyone remember how Kap started?

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

Wasn't he some basketball guru for HS sports?

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

Rob Goldman's gofer?

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by cracky..........by cracky

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Git on back there.

I remember reading that he was some kind of HS sports analyst. He would spend his weekends from Friday to Sunday driving across the state covering high school sports.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Envious?

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Wasn't he Bob Sakamoto's wing man at HS games? LOL

His dad screwed his mom!

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Proud to be UNVERIFIED.

hahah you guys are gonna love this:

so this morning i searched #charmed on twitter to see who else had this show on, and i stumble across some beautiful spanish chick. i greet her in her native tongue and she fires back a DM... as i go to check the DM i stumble across this gem i never noticed b4

thekapman
You don't like the goatee? Too bad. My wife does. Don't really need your opinion. Thanks for watching though.

hahahahah what the fuck?!?! see, i sent him a tweet saying like "dude, in the midst of theo-mania i saw you on CSN and man, look, i have given you shit in the past for this and that but #realtalk here: your goatee is awful. it looks really sleazy with your shaved head and all that, i just had to be real and let you know..

and like, that ain't baseless kaplan bashing, which i'm always game for... i mean, seriously, it was like 2/3 growed in and it just looked awful, especially with his shaved-head alien looking motherfucker post-swirsky look... except that dave is aging worse than the swirsk, and whatever he's doing to his face to fight the aging is making his skin look more leathery and reptilian and like, the goatee is awful..... so i come from a REAL PLACE and tell him that and what does he do?

he fucking responds that 1) his wife likes it... i mean what the fuck dave? you're father of the year and you pay her big bills @ macy's, of course she's gonna say she likes it. 2) you don't need my opinion? hahahah fucktard, if you didn't need it or it didn't register, you wouldn't have gone out of your way to DIRECT MESSAGE ME to defend your goatee via "my wife like its" --- dude, dave, my mom used to say i was the best looking kid at school too. and then... [drum roll] the ultimate in condescending "thanks for watching"

see in dave's head, he transcends his haters cuz if they even watched/listened to him for 30 seconds, he's "won" because they're watching his product and therefore host > viewer because since i'm taking in his crap he's got power over me.

oh this fucktard doesn't know what he's just done... i'm going to register a fleet of twitter accounts and troll the living shit out of this motherfucker. i'd better do it from random wifi spots cuz i won't want him to bitch to twitter until i'm banned, but like, i'm going to make sure that whenever i see him holding court with the cubs fans who lick his ass for being hte god of reporting on this theo crap, when in reality he was just crane kenney's mouthpiece nothing more nothing less, that he is bombarded with hate from me on 6 different fronts... kaplan thinks he can be all smug arrogant and dismissive to ME? hey shithead, i'm a total fucking loser with too much time on his hands and sheer contempt for you... so you think you can do that shit and talk lame shit and be all "thanks for watching" then block me like you got the last word in?

hey kaplan, the name's sinicalypse.... ask around. when it comes to words, i get way more than the last word in. you are what the spanglish call "el fuckedo", motherfucker, cuz from here til the end of time you are going to have sporadic outbursts of me just annoying the ever-living shit out of you, you moronic fucktard.

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Come on, jimmy! Everybody thinks they look good. That's why they wear a certain style. My girlfriend watches What Not To Wear. That means that sometimes I watch What Not To Wear. You'd be shocked at how many of these horrific broads think their style is just perfect. Poor Stacy and Clinton have to fight these dimwits tooth and nail to get rid of their caftans and mom jeans. And then Ted Gibson struggles to convince them to let him cut their hillbilly hair.

A friend of mine is bald and quite sensitive about it. He wears a fucking baseball cap wherever he goes. He also sports a thin little cookie duster on his upper lip. It's ridiculous. He looks like a child molester. But you couldn't convince him it isn't his best look. The guy never scores any pussy and he always whines about it. I've had several girlfriends tell me they thought he was a decent looking guy before they laughed and scoffed at his mustache.

One night we were at the Empty Bottle and he came out of the shitty little bathroom all pissed off. I asked him what was wrong and he pointed to a hipster with a crazy unkempt beard. He said, "See that fuck with the terrorist beard over there? He was pissing next to me and he looked over and said, 'Dude! Cool mustache!' What the fuck? Is he queer or what????"

I replied, "I think he thinks your mustache is ironic."

"Ironic? Ironic????? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?????"



But I'm sure your goatee actually does look fantastic, jimmy.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Matthew, Tulsi, and Don

[redacted for sanity]

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Sini,
I know you got pissed at me during the "Kramers Son"thread,but I really do enjoy reading your posts! I think that's a great story. Nothing wrong with taking care of those you love!

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

Not me. No matter what I do, I am resigned to the fact that I cannot escape my fate as a hideous freak.

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I watched that show with my wife one time back in the halcyon days of cable at my house. I was struck that the woman was judging everyone else's look while she's sporting the Pepe la Pew on her head.

Like you said, everyone think they look good.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.