Share your embarrassing moments with the CSFMB.

Okay, I'll go first.

About five years ago I was working for one of the many dying construction companies in the greater Chicago area. I held an executive position and I didn't really have anything to do with sales. But as things began unraveling a lot of our salesmen couldn't sell our expensive room additions and left to try what they considered easier pitches like Gutter Guards and Bathfitters.

Well, I can sell anything so I figured I'd show these dumbfucks how it was done. Now, I may have mentioned that I have some difficulty with the physical world. I don't have a great understanding of how things work. And I wouldn't know a Simpson bracket from a mortise and tenon. But I'm not a complete moron and I figured our architect could straighten out any goofy shit I brought back. Architects love to hear that.

So one night I had a sit out in one of the hillbilly areas of Lake County- Wadsworth or Winthrop Harbor or some shit. And I'm talking to these nice folks about their room addition project. I'm sketching drawings and going through my pitch. I'm making my drops and sitting there thinking these people are buyers. We're at their kitchen table. It's the guy, his wife (I don't run one-leggers), and a kid about five or six years old. The kid is all excited about the plans and the couple are into this shit. I've asked for the order a couple times already and I'm pretty confident I'm going to button this one up tonight. I've been there for over three hours. I'm not leaving without some signed paper.

But then I feel my phone start to vibrate and the ringtone begins to play. I know right away it's my girlfriend and I start fumbling to shut off the ringer. You see, my ringtone for her is "Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry. The kid's mouth dropped open and the guy and the wife shot me daggers as my Motorola RAZR blasted out, "But you fuck so good I'm on top of it".

The guy said, "Well, I think that's enough for tonight. We're going to get one more estimate, but we'll probably go with you." He never called me back and my follow-up calls went straight to voicemail. So much for my $3500 commission. "Scratches all down my back to keep me right on."

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General Jim wears Fort Bragg down... to get it!

You could have a whole thread just for embarassing ringtone moments


Who came through with two glocks to terrorize your borough (huh?)
Told you how to slap dicks and murder your girl (I did!)
Gave you all the finger and told you to sit and twirl
Sold a billion tapes and still screamed, "Fuck the world!"



...as I was talking to a T Ball parent

So when you guys made this stupid shit your ringtones you never envisioned you might be around people with ears when you get a call??

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I'm a different kind of guy, Vincent. It's part of my charm.

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General Jim wears Fort Bragg down... to get it!

This happened about 20 years ago. Some friends and I had just finished dinner at the Baker's Square (pretty sure it wasn't Poppin' Fresh but I digress) on Rt. 83 in Willowbrook. As we were leaving, I thought I saw the niece of my dad's girlfriend. I went up to who I thought was Julie, put my hands over her eyes, and asked, "Guess who?"

As soon as she began speaking, I knew I had made a huge mistake.

"Who is this?"

At that point, I peaked over her shoulder, taking my hands off her eyes. We both looked at each other and realized we had no idea who the hell the other person was.

Her table erupted in laughter, and my friends couldn't believe what they had just witnessed either.

I ended it with, "Well, you're not Julie, but at least I gave both of us a story to tell for the rest of our lives."

Stupid shit? Eminem is a genius

Anyway, mine isnt actually my ringtone. I used it as an alarm (because it has a loud open) the previous night and forgot to disable it.

Still dumb, but a different dumb than you suggested.

I've asked at least three women if they were pregnant when they were not. It's almost become my thing at this point.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

I generally just keep my phone on vibrate, especially during business. Shit Happens.

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General Jim wears Fort Bragg down... to get it!

I used to call on the old Office Max headquarters, and the receptionist, who was a real sweetheart, had pictures of kids on her desk. I mistakenly asked how old her granddaughter was. "That's my daughter," she replied.

I couldn't apologize more. I probably shouldn't go out in public...

In a similar vein, I was in Vegas, probably about 20 years ago with a girlfriend. I took her to the buffet at the Bellagio. We were in the buffet line and she was getting salad; I moved from behind her and went to the carving station. A big fat guy moved in behind her but she still thought I was back there. The fat guy had a plate stacked ridiculously high with all kinds of food. My girlfriend caught the huge plate in the corner of her eye, and thinking it was me, said, "My God! You pig!" That isn't exactly something you can take back.

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General Jim wears Fort Bragg down... to get it!

Freshman year of college, August 2000. I buy a power strip to plug in various electronic items (great use for a power strip). I plug in the mini fridge, alarm clock, and computer. None of them are working. I'm cursing and babbling on about how I just bought this, and it's already broken. Well, it doesn't help that I had the power strip plugged into itself, and the mini fridge plugged into the outlet. My roommate still reminds me of that one.

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-- source

I made a mix tape for a girlfriend back in high school. I also made a tape of Ice Cube's Lethal Injection. I mixed the two up unfortunately.

She heard Cave Bitch and that was the end of that.

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This seems to be my wife's thing as well. I told her someone is going to attack her at some point...

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This is my signature...

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How could a man with your way with words NOT explain his way out of that one?

You should have just told them the looked breathtaking.

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I hadn't yet developed my repertoire of bullshit.

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You could've stopped your embarrassing story here.

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"Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public." ~ H.L. Mencken

C'mon.

Mix-Tape's = Instant Poon

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Mental Retardation is nothing to be embarrassed about.

One time I unknowingly had bird shit on my shoulder until I got to a mirror and realized it.

Also walked around with gum on the seat of my pants, also not noticing it till I got home and took my pants off.

I had a girl and most of her family tell me I was corny as fuck once. Good times.

Also, my first time on stage (June 2004) I was rapping with some guys for a church function/block party in the city. My part came up and I completely fucking froze. I forgot the words. I got my memory back midway through my verse and I painfully stumbled through it. Once it was over, I walked off stage, got in my car, went home, and sulked. I quit music for about 1 1/2 years.

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Kid Cairo's Boers & Bernstein YouTube Channel

Kid Cairo: 2013 March Madness Tournament Winner!

"Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!"

When I was on vacation once, a bird shit on me in a market.

When I was a kid, I was @ the mall & decided to play w/ the treadmill.

Those two stand out. I probably have less non-embarrassing moments than I do embarrassing.

I was once sitting front row at a high school basketball game, and I dropped a bag of skittles on the floor, which spilled everywhere and caused a stoppage in the game. Took me about 3 minutes to pick all of them up, while everyone was staring at me. No, I did not have Iced Tea, and was not shot.

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I bet the schools mascot was the PANTHERS

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Actually, it was.

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My grade school used to have a Halloween parade for the young students to dress in their costumes and show them off for the older kids and MILFs. Costumes used to be made of some thin, poorly sewn plastic with a mask. The costumes didn't breath at all and would rip if you overstuffed them with too many clothes underneath so my mom only dressed me in a t shirt and underwear. I was so proud of my S.W.A.T. costume that year (I don't know why as my parents wouldn't let me watch the show because of violence). About half way through the parade, rrrrrrrrrrrrrriiippppp, from the crotch to my lower back.

The me of today still feels bad for the little me back then...shit was traumatizing. It is a minor life event but obviously was a big deal to me because I remember it clearly today.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

My last name is basically zypa, so I am usually last or close in all alphabetical lines. At high school graduation, it was really hot and we had to sit and listen to everyone, and then watch everyone pass the podium...about 380 people. I am hot and had a little nip before, so I was feeling a little sweaty. Once we stand up, the hot cheerleader with a last name equivalent of zzuigi states "are you sweating?" There is a wet mark on your gown where you were sitting? Pretty sure I walked across the stage with a wet looking ass.

This is my favorite so far. Any booing or heckling?

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This is my signature...

I believe the proper term is Japanese.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

A few years ago at a CSFMB Bowling Event,I was up to take a shot and dropped the bowling ball right in front of BigFan. Great Timing by me!

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."