I work overnights, so typically I think ahead and bring my lunch or if I'm fucked I'll order Jimmy Johns since they deliver until 3. On this night, however, I didn't hit my "hungry as hell" point until around 4am at which point I can either be hungry for 3 hours or I can take a chance on the vending machines.

I have never been hungry enough to travel down to the vending machine, and when I arrived with my precious lone dollar, my options were terrible:

- Almond Joy
- Lifesavers Mints
- Bob Evan's Biscuit

I decided to go with quantity and gave the Bob Evan's thing a shot. Basically it's a biscuit (or at least something shaped like a biscuit) injected with tiny chunks of alleged sausage and questionable "gravy." Pop that fucker in the microwave for 90 seconds and bam - you've got a meal.

It was goddamned awful. It was like eating warm damp toilet paper. 400 some odd calories and -5000 dignity points later I'm slightly less hungry than I was, but now chock full of shame.

Any of you guys enjoyed vending machine magic?

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Should have went with the Almond joy.

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agreed, right behind heath and mars

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If I had the choice between Almond Joy and a ferocious headbutt to the sack, I would take the headbutt/sack option 10 times out of 10.

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...almond,coconut and milk chocolate ..what is not to like?

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All three.

We already talked about this and collectively decided Payday is the best.

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Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

Payday not bad at all..heath trumps everything

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Which is the one that has the swirling chocolate in the commercial ?

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

They all have swirling chocolate in the commercial!




except Payday

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Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

I agree with IMU. If your so called 'candy bar' doesnt have chocolate in it, then get the fuck out.

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How does it fit with all of those nuts in there?

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Thanks for the sig, you have now replaced Boilermaker Rick.

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2018
#ExtendLafleur
10 More Wins

Well...

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Kid Cairo's Boers & Bernstein YouTube Channel

Kid Cairo: 2013 March Madness Tournament Winner!

"Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!"

Sometimes you feel like a nut...

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Artie Lange loves the vending machine. Sung to the tune of 'Dancing Queen'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEydEjpsUSE

_________________
Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

yourself

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a nickel!

I got lunch out of the machine today...apparenly some chicken nuggets wrapped in a slice of canadian bacon with some cheese is what gets passed off as Chicken Cordon Bleu these days...

whatchamacalit

What's wrong with a Pearson's Nut Roll ?!?

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

Back in the day when a Dr. Ken actually worked for a living, pulling the 12-hour graveyard shift, nothing was better at 4am than a little can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew from the hot vending machine.

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You know me like that.

Perhaps the fact that they all look like they were manufactured in 1983. I'm afraid if I bit into one, my teeth would shatter like in a Warner Brothers cartoon, and then I would die from whatever microorganisms had been consuming that nut roll before I did.

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I'll have to ask my dad which plant he used to work at, but based on some of the stories he has told me, I will never consume stew from a can.

Based on where I was working when I ate the stew, don't eat vegetables from a can either.

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You know me like that.

I believe these both to be sound, quality policies...

Always remember-if the can is puffy, that means bonus stew.

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

Ate that stew one time at the ford plant on 130th..never again..had the runs for 12 hours.

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Only 12? Sounds like the half can.

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You know me like that.

..you are right, maybe even 1/3

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I know the guy services the machines at our place daily, but still doubt I would eat the tuna or burrito and wash it down with a milk from the "wheel of death"...