Besides sucking Dan's cock when he subs for Terry, Larry is good about making simple daily events into dramatic stories with his slow delivery. This happened about 20 minutes ago.

Larry: So, I'm done at NBC 5 and I'm hungry, Dan. Normally when I'm hungry I get something to eat. I'm not sure if other people do that. Anyway, what I did was I went to a pizza place. And I'm thinking, it's late,I'll get a table. Well, it was packed. So, thinking on my feet, I went to something called "The Take Out section". That's where I saw a guy behind the counter and I said, "Look, I'd like to order a pizza to go. Can you hook up a brother up?" And the guy behind the counter said, "Twenty minutes, dog". And I was like, "Great". So, what I did was wait the 20 minutes, got my pizza and then I went home. You're not gonna believe the rest of this story, Dan. I went home, opened the pizza box and ate the pizza.

Dan: Oy. We'll be back after this.

Well-done all around, but this in particular could be a direct quote.

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The Bulls haven't done anything wrong, and they're not going to do anything wrong.

I haven't done the Beardown-O-Meter in a while, but this would be a 8.

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I reported Larry's story mostly word for word. You have to give me some poetic licence to exaggerate his simpleton personality.

I mean, this story he told is something you would hear from a 3-year-old or a mentally challenged person.

Giving the devil his due.

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"Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public." ~ H.L. Mencken

What I really took from that was that he works at channel 5.

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This doesn't have anything to do with the thread per se, but I thought here'd be as good a place as any to bitch about Holmes.


What it is, is I figured out what Holmes' annoying, overly-enthusiastic fake laugh reminds me of: Crazy Legs!


ETA: we got another one, btw. Sheary over at DePaul sorts out some business or other of his. I can't be troubled to remember exactly what.

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You can't see me because of internet.

The landowner effectively owns part shares in millions of part-time slaves called, "taxpayers." -Roy L
A Personal Relationship with Jesus?

There should be a running count of how many times he makes a NBC reference this week.

My grandmother has that NBC Nonstop channel, so when I'm over there I see a little bit of that. After the 6:00 news, they do more news, except nobody's mics work and there's too much ambient reverb. It feels like high-budget public access. I wish it would stop.

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I only hear Larry on the B&B show. I've figured him out. He's a simpleton. He talks without saying anything. He kills air time by doing the following:

1. The fake laugh. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" to any dumb joke that B&B say. Sometimes he'll just do it when there is no intened joke by his Gods.

2. Long, dramatic stories about simple things in a slow, deliberite, "Bernstein-style" voice.

3. Repeat things that Bernstein says right after Bernstein says them. Or Larry says things that he has heard Berntein say in the past to get Berntein to say "You're right. I've said that too."

4. Bad jokes. I mean bad "white people" jokes. Oy.

5. Suck off Berntein at any and every opportunity.


That's Larry.

Yeah not bad, I chuckled

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

and/or Cheryl Scott.

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I counted two Cheryl Scott mentions just in the five minutes it took me to drive from Whole Foods in Evanston to the Jewel down the street.

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It's takes a special man to make a boring actual story even more boring when they tell it!

Radio Magic!

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

It was amazing. Millions of people get take-out pizza every day in the United States. I don't think any one of them have made it into an enthusiastic, passionate, 3-minute-story to their friends and family, let alone a Chicago radio audience.

The way he told the story was like somebody telling their Vegas story about hookers, gambling and drinking.

You bought a pizza, Larry. That should never be made into a dramatic story. Only you would do such a thing.

I shall as well ... <doffs cap>

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

As much as I hate Bernstein he made me crack up today.
Larry starts talking about how he's amazed that MLB players have travel issues. He then mentions how when he calls his......Travel Agent....he never has any problems.
Just as I'm thinking wow a travel agent....Bernstein pauses and in a mocking tone says you really use a travel agent.
I'm pretty sure I heard Larrys heart break.

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Kenny Williams fell for the banana in the tailpipe

Just wait until he finds out about diginoros.

Did Larry enlighten us all as to why he uses an ancient method of booking flights?

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

Two reasons.

1. Tried to act like he has connections at Depaul.
2. Tried to act like he talked to a woman other than his mother or co-workers.

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CSFMB: Home of the small minded

Didn't hear Larry today, but bases touched, lemme guess.

-Comics
-Mom
-DePaul
-Ch. 5
-Working Out
-Playing Catcher
-Fake Dates
-Briggs, Tillman, Alex or Mike Brown, Dez Clark

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

He knocked out at least half of those, but we do have all week.

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CSFMB: Home of the small minded

And he thinks Matt Forte should get paid but he understands the Bears not wanting to pay him.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

Tomorrow he'll tell the story about the shit he took tonight.

Larry: I'm not at twitter or facebook anymore, Todo. No block button.

Beardown: No you're not, Larry. No you're not. Your bullshit and jack ass behavior gets exposed on CSFMB. Truth happens here.

Larry:

Sucking up to players and management at the same time is essence d'Larry.

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The Bulls haven't done anything wrong, and they're not going to do anything wrong.

He picks and chooses. Sucks up to black players on the Bears cuz he has to deal with them. Wants them to be his friend. Pisses on the white players of the teams he doesn't cover. He's all about his personal agenda at all times.

I've said it before. It's always been important to Larry that the black players on the Bears love him. He'll deny it. But it's true.

My favorite Larry speech is the one about being "one of the few guys in this town who'll stand up to Brian Urlacher/A.J. Pierzynski."

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The Bulls haven't done anything wrong, and they're not going to do anything wrong.

I heard this pizza talk today and both Laurence and Dan used the word "pie."
I have never used the word "pie" in reference to pizza in my life and I do not know anyone from Chicago who uses "pie" either.
I know they say "pie" on Seinfeld, so I guess it's a New York thing.
Am I wrong?
I also heard Dan talking about bbq and declaring something along the lines of, "Today, everybody knows the difference between Piedmont-style, upstate and Coastal Carolina bar-b-q." I guess I am a food cretin because I never heard of any of these before.

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Host of the weekly "We Fish ASA" podcast
Weekly columnist for the Northwest Herald
Bi-monthly columnist for Illinois Outdoor News magazine
Former host of The Outdoors Experience on WIND and The Great Outdoors on CLTV
http://www.wefishasa.com

It was a damn good pizza!

I ate the whole box and posted on twitter!