A friend of mine is getting married in a about 10 days and I've been asked to be the best man. I think I need to be asked one more time in order to win some prize. Problem is I'm torn about what to say. The expectation is for me to crack a few jokes and be silly but I'm thinking about switching it up. What have you done? What was the best you heard?

David "Dave" Veltri: [drunk] My brother Harold asked me to be the Best Man at his wedding. I was like [chuckles] of course, man. 'Cause you've always been there for me, when I was in rehab, and the time I couldn't find my car. It's Harold ya know, he's always been the dependable one. I've always been the screwed up one, right dad? [chuckles] Why can't you be more like your brother? Harold would never beat up his landlord! [laughing]
Groomsman: [whispering to other Groomsman] He's drunk as shit.
Dave: [laughs then coughs a little] But, uh newsflash pop, Harold ain't so perfect. [to Harold] Remember that time in Puerto Rico we picked up those two uh...I guess they were prostitutes, but I don't remember payin'.
Robbie: [comes up on stage and grabs mike from Dave]Okay, how 'bout that! Yeah, terrific.
Dave: I'm a person too Pop, goddammit! I'm a person too!
Mr.Veltri: You're a moron!
Robbie: The Best Man, everybody.
Dave: The best man, the better man! [bangs cymbal] Aooooooow!
Robbie: Uh, hey. We've all done crazy things in our life, so... [Robbie is interrupted when Dave picks up Robbie's guitar and starts strumming it.] He's playing the guitar now, isn't that great? You're doin' good.
Dave: Yeah, sounds good? That's cause I'm the best guitar player in the wooorld! Yeaah! Self taught, no lessons. Thank you very much, Pop! [drunkenly stumbles offstage] They'll be divorced in a year! [crowd gasps]

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I've never heard anything really creative or memorable. Usually the guy kinda tells a few amusing antecdotes, talks about the friendship with the groom, and wishes them both well.

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Kid Cairo's Boers & Bernstein YouTube Channel

Kid Cairo: 2013 March Madness Tournament Winner!

"Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!"

Yep, and he brings up all of his ex girlfriends, especially the extra slutty ones.

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That cannot happen at my wedding.

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Kid Cairo's Boers & Bernstein YouTube Channel

Kid Cairo: 2013 March Madness Tournament Winner!

"Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!"

I usually leave out stories the wife can't hear but I cover just about everything else.

Don't have sex with the bride to be, it ususally doesn't turn out well.

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Can you name an example where it has?

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Kid Cairo's Boers & Bernstein YouTube Channel

Kid Cairo: 2013 March Madness Tournament Winner!

"Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!"

We're planning on allowing the groom to make that mistake but if something changes I'll let the class know.

I guess you all didn't see the movie above that I referenced.

Too Balck for you gentlemen?

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It was either Best Man, The Wood, or The Brothers...

All of which are basically the same movie.

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Kid Cairo's Boers & Bernstein YouTube Channel

Kid Cairo: 2013 March Madness Tournament Winner!

"Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!"

If it doesnt have Tyler Perry in drag then GTFO.

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I probably like The Wood the most out of those 3.

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Not for the groom, no. I always loved the story of the groom that found out that his best man and soon to be wife were getting it on. He carried on with the wedding and some how got pictures of them having sex. He placed the pictures underneath the seat of everybody in attendance in a envelope, then when he got up to speak he told them to look under their chairs for their presents. He then walked the fuck out.

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Never speak ill of The Wood again. Excellent film...

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The joke was on him.

Kind of, but her parents were paying for the wedding.

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Pretty much.

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Kid Cairo's Boers & Bernstein YouTube Channel

Kid Cairo: 2013 March Madness Tournament Winner!

"Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!"

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He was doing something only a best friend would do. If your wife to be will sleep with your best friend then she will sleep with anybody. Very selfless act. His friend should be thankful.

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Feel free to answer the question too. Keep in mind I'm a man I'm 30

I kinda agree, but as a best friend you kinda have the responsibility of telling your boy, "Hey look...your bitch wanna fuck me. You might wanna rethink marrying her."

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Kid Cairo's Boers & Bernstein YouTube Channel

Kid Cairo: 2013 March Madness Tournament Winner!

"Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!"

I would suggest sticking to the normal format. The few times I've witnessed someone trying to be different or clever, it doesn't turn out so good...

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1. Start off with how you all became friends (unless you're related)

2. Tell a story about something you all did as kids (or young adults) that will make the people laugh.

3. Tell him that he outkicked his coverage (even if he really didn't), and that the woman is beautiful (even if she isn't).

4. Thank him for the honor.

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Kid Cairo's Boers & Bernstein YouTube Channel

Kid Cairo: 2013 March Madness Tournament Winner!

"Cowabunga? Cowa fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick!"

I can honestly say that I have never been the best man at a wedding. I can only offer you smart ass comments, sorry.

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