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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:16 pm 
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http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2012/09/05/ ... ears-fans/

Dan Bernstein wrote:
The players think they have it rough, what with all the bone-rattling decelerations, spectacular, airborne ligament-destructions, and brutally concussive forces that leave them dazed and bloody each week.

They liken it to being in a regular, Sunday car crash, and maybe they’re right.

But their lives are easy compared to those of us who must stare at a Monday phone bank filled with eight pale-green lights, blinking in unison – one for each phone line that holds its own special brand of postgame reaction. By the time we emerge from the studio on most Mondays we too are broken men, leveled by crashing waves of Bears Stupid. Often, we are taken directly to area hospitals.


Thankfully, he gives us rules on how to be less stupid! (Hint: Don't. Watch. The. Ball.)

Listen, or don't. But if you don't, understand that you're missing a golden opportunity to become a better fan, and a better person.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:18 pm 
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A good tongue-in-cheek article.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:21 pm 
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It's such a tough job to take calls from angry Bears fans after another loss where the great Jay Cutler played worse than Kyle Orton once again. Doug and O'B don't have a problem. Maybe because they're Bear fans who usually agree with the callers, not elitist pricks who know more than obsessive fans who live for Bears football.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:23 pm 
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Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
It's such a tough job to take calls from angry Bears fans after another loss where the great Jay Cutler played worse than Kyle Orton once again. Doug and O'B don't have a problem. Maybe because they're Bear fans who usually agree with the callers, not elitist pricks who know more than obsessive fans who live for Bears football.


Seriously?

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:25 pm 
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Terry's Peeps wrote:
Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
It's such a tough job to take calls from angry Bears fans after another loss where the great Jay Cutler played worse than Kyle Orton once again. Doug and O'B don't have a problem. Maybe because they're Bear fans who usually agree with the callers, not elitist pricks who know more than obsessive fans who live for Bears football.


Seriously?


Yeah, seriously. Anyone who thinks it's difficult working a five hour shift taking Bear fan calls in an economy when over 10% of people are out of work should be taken out back and bullwhipped.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:28 pm 
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Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
Terry's Peeps wrote:
Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
It's such a tough job to take calls from angry Bears fans after another loss where the great Jay Cutler played worse than Kyle Orton once again. Doug and O'B don't have a problem. Maybe because they're Bear fans who usually agree with the callers, not elitist pricks who know more than obsessive fans who live for Bears football.


Seriously?


Yeah, seriously. Anyone who thinks it's difficult working a five hour shift taking Bear fan calls in an economy when over 10% of people are out of work should be taken out back and bullwhipped.


And you read that as serious?

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:35 pm 
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Terry's Peeps wrote:
Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
Yeah, seriously. Anyone who thinks it's difficult working a five hour shift taking Bear fan calls in an economy when over 10% of people are out of work should be taken out back and bullwhipped.


And you read that as serious?


Ah yes, the old "anytime Dan acts like a dick, it's just part of the act" chestnut.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:37 pm 
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You guys really read that as serious?

Really?




Really??

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:43 pm 
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Dan is channeling Woody Allen... or Woody Woodpecker.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:47 pm 
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Terry's Peeps wrote:
You guys really read that as serious?

Really?




Really??


Yeah, it's just the fall/winter version of "Rongey has the toughest job in the world" meme. Basically, that Sox and Bear fans are retards that don't understand why you can't bench guys hitting .150 or why the Bears can't find a left tackle or a safety. It certainly isn't tongue in cheek. The "basic Chicago fan is a fucking moron" is a B&b staple. A fan can overcome his own natural stupidity by licking danny's balls. He acknowledged you on Twitter so I assume you're one of the few "good fans". Congratulations!

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:49 pm 
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Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
A fan can overcome his own natural stupidity by licking danny's balls.


That's good stuff! :lol:


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:50 pm 
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You're right.

He literally believes that he has it difficult working a five hour shift taking Bear fan calls in an economy when over 10% of people are out of work.

Good Lord.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:52 pm 
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Terry's Peeps wrote:
You guys really read that as serious?

Really?




Really??
Thats the thing though Speeps, Lil Danny comes off as such an arrogant fuckstick so many times that when he tries to pen a parody piece if thats what that is , he still comes off as an arrogant fuckstick. He really cant have it both ways. He totally believes what he wrote, he's just trying and failing to put a weary everyman spin on it.

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Last edited by badrogue17 on Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:54 pm 
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badrogue17 wrote:
Terry's Peeps wrote:
You guys really read that as serious?

Really?




Really??
Thats the thing though Speeps, Lil Danny comes off as such an arrogant fuckstick so many times that when he tries to pen a parody piece if thats what that is , he still comes off as an arrogant fuckstick. He really cant have it both ways. He totally believes that what he wrote, he's just trying and failing to put a weary everyman spin on it.


I disagree.

But I honestly have no idea how you could read the piece as literal.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:54 pm 
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Terry's Peeps wrote:
You're right.

He literally believes that he has it difficult working a five hour shift taking Bear fan calls in an economy when over 10% of people are out of work.

Good Lord.


I don't think he thinks about it that way. Most people don't. No matter what your job is, there are shitty days. I do believe he thinks taking calls from Bear and Sox fans is a particularly shitty time. He isn't really stopping to compare it to being a migrant worker picking fruit.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:55 pm 
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I'd be more likely to read it as tongue-in-cheek if they weren't so insistent on the "pitied be Chris Rongey" thing.

I know the mind-numbing repetition is a hazard of any work, but this work still beats work work.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:58 pm 
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Quote:
It’s Ur-LACK-er, not Ur-LOCK-er. Just remember that he plays line-BACK-er, not line-BOCK-er. It’s not as grating as hearing “Greg Maddox” or “Kerry Woods,” but it’s getting close.

This doesn't even make sense. Unless there were people out there who referred to Greg as an ox who is mad, "Maddox" instead of "Maddux" isn't a grating mistake you would hear, it's a grating mistake you would read. Why reach and miss on that when "Ryan Sandberg" is right there? Come on, Dan, get your shit together. Get your stuff together, that is.

Quote:
Don’t ask that players behave like fans. Screaming and fist-pumping is for you to do, not for them, and you mustn’t need to see your feelings reflected back at you by professionals busy trying to do their respective jobs.

Oh for Christ's sake this is the league where players are semi-regularly penalized for doing silly celebratory dances. They do plenty of screaming and fist-pumping. What the hell?

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Last edited by Curious Hair on Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 8:59 pm 
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Clearly a sarcastic article. And I'm well aware that Dan Bernstein comes across as a peenus most days, but this article was clearly a bit.

JORR, you got punk'd by BurnSTINE.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:01 pm 
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And he's 100% wrong about Doug and O'B. They aren't "made of sturdier stuff." They don't need to be. They are their caller. If a guy named Bob from the 815 called into B&b on a Monday and expressed some of the opinions often stated by those two in the post-game show, they'd be absolutely ridiculed by Team bernstein.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:02 pm 
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Keeping Score wrote:
In fact, and I don't mean to sound like an ass licker...


Yeah, you do.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:02 pm 
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Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
And he's 100% wrong about Doug and O'B. They aren't "made of sturdier stuff." They don't need to be. They are their caller. If a guy named Bob from the 815 called into B&b on a Monday and expressed some of the opinions often stated by those two in the post-game show, they'd be absolutely ridiculed by Team bernstein.


Dey should move dat Zorich ta linebacker!

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:03 pm 
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The Original Kid Cairo wrote:
Clearly a sarcastic article. And I'm well aware that Dan Bernstein comes across as a peenus most days, but this article was clearly a bit.

JORR, you got punk'd by BurnSTINE.


Is the "Rongey has the world's toughest job" thing a bit too?

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:04 pm 
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Platoon music plays as Dan stares over a battlefield of microphones and telephones...


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:05 pm 
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Terry's Peeps wrote:
Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
And he's 100% wrong about Doug and O'B. They aren't "made of sturdier stuff." They don't need to be. They are their caller. If a guy named Bob from the 815 called into B&b on a Monday and expressed some of the opinions often stated by those two in the post-game show, they'd be absolutely ridiculed by Team bernstein.


Dey should move dat Zorich ta linebacker!



Shit, it's only in about the last year or so that Doug has had the epiphany that an NFL team now has to pass if it wants to win football games.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:05 pm 
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Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
The Original Kid Cairo wrote:
Clearly a sarcastic article. And I'm well aware that Dan Bernstein comes across as a peenus most days, but this article was clearly a bit.

JORR, you got punk'd by BurnSTINE.


Is the "Rongey has the world's toughest job" thing a bit too?


No way! Dan really does believe that Rongey has a tougher job than a ditch digger.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:06 pm 
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Keeping Score wrote:
The Original Kid Cairo wrote:
Clearly a sarcastic article. And I'm well aware that Dan Bernstein comes across as a peenus most days, but this article was clearly a bit.

JORR, you got punk'd by BurnSTINE.


Kid's right again JORR. Bernsie got ya!


I'm not really looking for a roll call vote of the members of bernstein's ALS.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:06 pm 
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Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
If a guy named Bob from the 815 called into B&b on a Monday and expressed some of the opinions often stated by those two in the post-game show, they'd be absolutely ridiculed by Team bernstein.

JORR, your sports thoughts are way above those of the Bobs that call B&B. Why do you have such a high tolerance for that stuff? Are there ever times when you hear one of those callers and you say, "Fuck...really? You waited on hold for THAT?"

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:07 pm 
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Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
I'm not really looking for a roll call vote of the members of bernstein's ALS.

Don't do that man. Seriously. I'm the most objective guy when it comes to that stuff. You know better than that. I criticize B&B as much as I praise it. These days I haven't done much of either. Don't throw labels around. Let's just, you know...have a discussion without all the nonsense.

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Last edited by The Original Kid Cairo on Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:08 pm 
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Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
The Original Kid Cairo wrote:
Clearly a sarcastic article. And I'm well aware that Dan Bernstein comes across as a peenus most days, but this article was clearly a bit.

JORR, you got punk'd by BurnSTINE.


Is the "Rongey has the world's toughest job" thing a bit too?

It is and isn't. I don't think they really, literally believe it in their hearts, but they certainly do like to propagate the idea that Rongey has a terrible job because he has to take White Sox postgame calls. It's spreading to the rest of Team Bernstein. To wit: when the guy called up to say that Matt Thornton should be assassinated, Leery was like "Rongey has the WORST job in the WOOORLD, but listen to how he handled this! HAAAAAHAHAHAHA OH MAN!!!!"

Then Dan was like "That wasn't funny. You should have called the police." You could hear Leery's heart breaking.

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Last edited by Curious Hair on Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:08 pm 
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Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
Keeping Score wrote:
The Original Kid Cairo wrote:
Clearly a sarcastic article. And I'm well aware that Dan Bernstein comes across as a peenus most days, but this article was clearly a bit.

JORR, you got punk'd by BurnSTINE.


Kid's right again JORR. Bernsie got ya!


I'm not really looking for a roll call vote of the members of bernstein's ALS.


No more than I'm looking for a roll call vote of the Wee Man Bernstein Haters Club.

I guess we can't always get what we want.

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