Jesus Christ, I don't want to move to the middle of Illinois in bumblefuckwhoknowswhere. Champaign is not a thriving capital city. And when you start out your pitch to me, maybe you should avoid saying "I'm really desperate to find talent like you." I can tell. You are trying to get me to move to the trashbed of one of the worst states in the union. You also don't need to email EVERY OTHER FUCKING WEEK! I didn't change my mind from last week to this week. I didn't suddenly have a coming to Jesus moment and realized, HOLY SHIT I NEED TO MOVE TO A FUCKING CORNFIELD! You also don't have to call my cell phone once a week to see if I changed my mind. An email that I will ignore is good enough. This also applies to the recruiters trying to get me to move to Atlanta.

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now, let's not start making stuff up here, Hoffy.

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Ба́бушка гада́ла, да на́двое сказа́ла—то ли до́ждик, то ли снег, то ли бу́дет, то ли нет.

I'm sure if you hold out long enough, a Foot Locker around Crystal Lake will have an opening

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Team Cutler.

Agreed! A few years ago I signed up for a job search site that apparently sold my info to every small, Podunk college in Eastern Iowa. Phone calls, emails daily, texts. It was constant. Took awhile to make it stop.

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"Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public." ~ H.L. Mencken

C_Howitt_Hoffy

_________________
2018
#ExtendLafleur
10 More Wins

This explains Goff's move.

B.S., EET, 2007

Why is your cell number on LinkedIn?

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@audioidkid

This wouldn't happen if you weren't on LinkedIn.

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Or didn't own a phone...

Yes, we are not sitting still!

I know, you have emailed me once a week.


I'm reaching out to you because you are the talent we are looking for. Now you may not want to make a change, because you are happy where you are, and you are still learning and growing and that's fine! Stay where you are!

BUT do know this - [Company in Atlanta] just opened a TECH SHED in the San Francisco Bay, and is looking to hire outstanding talent in the next years to come, so now you have locations to pick from....
Keep an eye out for me, because we just opened several new positions which I will send out in the next couple of days.

Call Me!

This person has no clue how commas are to be used in a sentence. Also, how is a new office in San Fransisco a selling point for me when I am in FUCKING CHICAGO. You aren't going to help me re-locate. I'm not going to travel five days a week for less pay. Come on.

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This is basically a plea for help!

Wow, that's a great way to get my attention.

I apologize for the intrusion and I know I have probably sent you these job descriptions before.

Really?

Believe me when I say, I genuinely don’t want to harass anyone

REALLY?

This position is based in Miami, FL and holds a Full Time salary of up to $XXK
Relocation Expenses would be paid

I told you once already that I don't want to move to Miami, especially for less than I already make.


Thank you so much for your patience and taking the time to read this email, I understand you probably have hundreds a day!


Oh no, thank you. I anticipate to hear from you a hundred more times.

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Oh. So you want xxxk. Good deal.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

I didn't want to be a total jag and start posting salaries here.

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I HAVE ZERO COMICAL WIT, BUT IT TOOK TO DAMN LONG FOR SOMEBODY TO RECOGNIZE THIS!!!

_________________
2018
#ExtendLafleur
10 More Wins

I recognized your comical wit halfway through our super secret draft.

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Yeah Hawg, I laughed out loud.

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UMMMM....WHO ARE YOU AND DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW YOU ARE ON THIS BOARD, LET ALONE YOUR WIFE. WIZZLE DIZZLE

_________________
2018
#ExtendLafleur
10 More Wins

no Irish dance schools in Champaign, and If I move south of the Mason Dixon line I stop at Chattanooga.

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Do they have a Waffle House in Chambanna?

that would persuade me to visit, not move.

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Illinois Waffle House - try Granite City and Collinsville.

Are you telling him to abandon the secret CSFMB group on LinkedIn?

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I thought all your jobs were sent to India?

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

You sure attracted an annoying strain of headhunter, there. Worse I deal with are those who go through the switchboard at work.

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Middle Aged Crazy, like Uncle Terry

I have more than 500 contacts on LinkedIn, bitches.

Job offers in San Francisco and Miami sound pretty cool to me.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

I hear UofI has a nice little cs program... It's a pretty telling sign if they cant attract students down there to work for them.

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team Mully & Hanley
team Meatpants