Last year it came after week 10, my favorite live bears game ever... a riveting ~35-20ish win over the perennially-underachieving cardinals; once i found out that cutler was likely done for the season i knew the bears' season was over.
today it hit me when i cooled down after the loss, i calmly and rationally realized that this team ain't winning no superbowl unless they get REAL DAMN LUCKY. simply put, the giant head of herm edwards needs to rise up over halas hall and tell the bears that
YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME.
even moreso than the glaring deficiencies on the o-line or the reminder that our WR corps is still technically a heaping helping of hooey after our new bonafide #1 wideout (period next paragraph </grobber>) what really dooms this team is that the offensive playcalling is just shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.
the bears, specifically lovie and probably tice too, need to realize that jay is called a FRANCHISE quarterback because YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BUILD YOUR DAMN FRANCHISE AROUND HIM. AND THEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CALL PLAYS THAT UTILIZE HIS TALENTS TO THE FULLEST!!!!!!!!!!!!
yes, i know there's injuries to the offensive line and i know that the bears are suddenly so thin at WR that they might have to nab rashied from his cushy gig selling TVs at best buy or maybe even give ray will a call.... but still, YOU HAVE JAY FUCKING CUTLER AND YOU NEED TO WING THE BALL AROUND THE DAMN FIELD. you need to pass to set up the run BECAUSE IT'S FLAGRANTLY FUCKING OBVIOUS TO ANYONE WHO WATCHES YOUR GAMES THAT YOU'RE 75% LIKELY TO RUN RUN PASS AND THEREFORE WHEN TEAMS FOCUS ON MANHANDLING YOUR O-LINE YOU'RE GOING TO END UP THIRD AND LONG.... and if it's third and over 12 yards, forget about it, we're gonna run a draw! can't risk one of those evil interceptions * dramatic squirrel turn *
DON'T EVEN in a game where the bears said NO to a chip shot FG because they had to go for it on 4th and 1 at a point in the game where seattle's d-line was MANHANDLING our offensive line.... i mean seriously what the fuck are you thinking lovie/tice?1 you're facing a rookie quarterback you're at home it's the first quarter get up two scores.... isntead you end up going to the half down 10-7, get one more scoring drive in the 2nd half, and then need a late miracle bomb to marshall to tie the game before your defense promptly limps off of the field badly beaten, and once again pete carroll outcoaches the shit out of lovie smith. say what you will about carroll but when he finds something that works ("hey, i can pass to mike williams") he runs to the well until it's so dry that even grandma's vagina says "goddamn" (10+ rec and ~150yds for mike will).
lovie doesn't do that.... lovie has to play stupid fucking jauron-era football where you run run run run run run run run run and only pass when you HAVE TO.... but it's so fucking obvious with this offense, especially on a day where i dont think they sacked jay or if they did it was only once, you gotta wing the ball all over the damn field to set up the run, otherwise you're gonna get the box stacked against you and you're gonna get SHIT for yards, and then you'll be third and long.... and we've covered that if it's over 10 yards you have to run a draw.
so yeeearrrlkgsdfglkadlfkads i know this post is pointless.... i know it's fasttracked for page 2 before it meets the big prune in the sky a few months down the road.... but i'm just so fucking frustrated that this team refuses to unleash jay cutler to be jay cutler, even if they gotta go get rashied from best buy or snag roy will from the middle of filming "Poor Little White Boy 6" (go look it up, it's a wonderfully entertaining series in the realm of "adult entertainment") and bring them back.... or if it's dane sanzenbacher and or sonny weems or whateverthefuck weems dude's name is.... if the bears keep going out there and trotting out forte for his 21/66 you're not going to win shit.... i understand that you run to have balance and wear down a defense... but if you're doing it to the point where you're setting up your passing game for failure because you only pass in situations where everyone knows you're going to pass... i mean.... you're done. you're once again outcoached by anyone who watches your damn game tape.
YOU HAVE JAY CUTLER. YOU HAVE A QUARTERBACK WITH ALL OF THE NECESSARY PHYSICAL SKILLS TO GO OUT THERE AND BE A TOP 5 TYPE QUARTERBACK.... THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU'RE THE GODDAMN CHICAGO BEARS AND/OR LOVIE SMITH AND INSIST ON SHOEHORNING JAY CUTLER INTO THIS "BEAR FOOTBALL" CRAP AS OPPOSED TO BEING PROACTIVE AND CHANGING YOUR OFFENSIVE GAMEPLAN UP AND SCORING 20+ A GAME.... CUZ IF THIS OFFENSE CONSISTENTLY SCORED 25PTS WELL SLAP MAH FRO YOU'D BE 10-2 OR SOMETHING.
coming into this season we all thought that the bears offense was gonna take a step or two forward because the defense was gonna take a step or two back and thus the balance would be maintained. now the balance is still maintained, but only because the defense took a step or two forward and the offense took a step or two back.
so for the love of god, lovie, please allow jay to play offense like you want to win the game.... cuz newsflash, the defense has officially come back to earth during the "third quarter" of the season where, gasp, YOU WERE 1-3. and let's see, in your three losses your offense put up 6, 7, and 17 points. in your one win your offense put up 28 points. see a discrepancy there?
and don't give me this crap about running the ball to eat up the clock and keep the defense off the field.... sustaining drives keeps the defense off the field. you get nice little rests for TV timeouts when you score points... and hey, you often win when you score points.
so yeah long story short this post sucks i've got too many beers in me and the bears offensive playcalling is so shit that they have no chance this year, that is, if they even make the playoffs. they blew the tiebreaker with seattle, which hurts... but hey, for all i know this maddening team will somehow beat green bay it'll be the age of aquarius, but we'll manage to lose to minnesota and detroit and miss the playoffs by one game or tiebreakers. c'est la vie.
i love taffy.
# snockalpiss
------- BONUS METAPHORS AND SIMILIES FOR YOUR READING DISDAIN!!! ------------------
jay cutler's relationship with the bears is like that old adage "if you had a girl that hot you wouldn't know what to do with her" --- in this case, the bears have a franchise QB (and now a bonafide #1 WR who would be the franchsie player if cutler wasn't here) and they don't know what to do with it.
it's like the bears have a nascar sprint cup driver and their line of thought is "hey, this guy can drive racecars! but we don't wanna drive a racecar... they could crash into the wall.... so if we put him in a station wagon and have him drive down 25mph side streets, why i reckon he'll be the bestest driver ever!"
(sorry, i just had to get this out of my system and i reckon i should have posted it on
my bears blog which isn't named as well as my forthcoming bulls blog: "thibodeau's fleshlight: an intimate bulls blog"
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Curious Hair wrote:
Les Grobstein's huge hog is proof that God has a sense of humor, isn't it?